Nextfest is fantastic.
I took myself out on a date today and went to the Roxy theatre to enjoy some dancing and theatre. Sooo cool :)
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Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Roadblock
Sorry about the last 2 posts. I seem to have a virus or something on my yahoo email account. Sighhh.
So I don't know what has become of me over the last 2 or so months.
Ever since I got to Red Deer, everything other than work became so insignificant.
I used to believe in being a healthy person, eating healthy, exercising daily, singing, keeping my mind creative.
Now all that I seem to do is work. And it is so fucked up. I'm 21 years old, I'm still a student, it's summer, and all I do is worry about work, who I am going to hang out with at work, etc. I guess partying and drinking has also taken over my life. It's a combination of those 2 things that bothers me so incredibly much. I frowned upon the drillers and other colleagues who revolve their lives around drinking at night and then working during the day, and here I am doing the exact same thing as them.
I had a thing with Chad at work and I hate myself for it. I don't understand why I put myself in situations where I don't get the happiness that I deserve from other people. I do things that make me feel unhappy and I don't get what I want out of it. And yet instead of withdrawing myself from the situation, I continue to put myself back into it. It's so messed up.
I went out for drinks with work people on Friday, and instead of having casual drinks with them, I got completely and utterly hammered before I even got to the pub with them and ended up being incoherent and making poor decisions that I can't even remember. The scary part is that I actually don't remember the entire second half of my night, how I got home, and what I even did. I remember ordering food, I don't remember eating it. I remember being outside the restaurant, but nothing about what I was doing out there. I'm not this kind of person. I don't want to be this person who thinks it's funny to get that drunk.
What happened to my commitment to music. At one point, I had wanted to wholeheartedly learn how to play ukelele, maybe sing and play at the same time. I haven't even thought about choir until I went to the choir's Beatles sing-along concert last night.
I don't like this person I've become. If I had to describe myself now, this is what it would be: irresponsible, too concerned about the attention received from boys, lacks dedication and passion, and is incredibly selfish. Over the last few weeks, I swear I've said the word "I" more than I ever have. Suddenly everything that everyone says to me revolves back around myself. I used to love to hear about other people's stories. I used to love to make other people happy, and for some reason all of that is disappearing right in front of my eyes.
This probably isn't as drastic of a change for other people's perception of me as it is for me seeing myself, but I've noticed something is extremely fucked up here, and I need to fix it.
My first step today, I went for a bike ride, went and shot a basketball around, and took a day for myself instead of immersing myself in socializing with other people. I'm going to a private little 'adjudication' session that Kyle (one of the vocal coaches from choir) invited me to for his and Caleb's acapella group Epsilon. It should be interesting. I need to start listening to what I need instead of what society wants me to think I need.
So I don't know what has become of me over the last 2 or so months.
Ever since I got to Red Deer, everything other than work became so insignificant.
I used to believe in being a healthy person, eating healthy, exercising daily, singing, keeping my mind creative.
Now all that I seem to do is work. And it is so fucked up. I'm 21 years old, I'm still a student, it's summer, and all I do is worry about work, who I am going to hang out with at work, etc. I guess partying and drinking has also taken over my life. It's a combination of those 2 things that bothers me so incredibly much. I frowned upon the drillers and other colleagues who revolve their lives around drinking at night and then working during the day, and here I am doing the exact same thing as them.
I had a thing with Chad at work and I hate myself for it. I don't understand why I put myself in situations where I don't get the happiness that I deserve from other people. I do things that make me feel unhappy and I don't get what I want out of it. And yet instead of withdrawing myself from the situation, I continue to put myself back into it. It's so messed up.
I went out for drinks with work people on Friday, and instead of having casual drinks with them, I got completely and utterly hammered before I even got to the pub with them and ended up being incoherent and making poor decisions that I can't even remember. The scary part is that I actually don't remember the entire second half of my night, how I got home, and what I even did. I remember ordering food, I don't remember eating it. I remember being outside the restaurant, but nothing about what I was doing out there. I'm not this kind of person. I don't want to be this person who thinks it's funny to get that drunk.
What happened to my commitment to music. At one point, I had wanted to wholeheartedly learn how to play ukelele, maybe sing and play at the same time. I haven't even thought about choir until I went to the choir's Beatles sing-along concert last night.
I don't like this person I've become. If I had to describe myself now, this is what it would be: irresponsible, too concerned about the attention received from boys, lacks dedication and passion, and is incredibly selfish. Over the last few weeks, I swear I've said the word "I" more than I ever have. Suddenly everything that everyone says to me revolves back around myself. I used to love to hear about other people's stories. I used to love to make other people happy, and for some reason all of that is disappearing right in front of my eyes.
This probably isn't as drastic of a change for other people's perception of me as it is for me seeing myself, but I've noticed something is extremely fucked up here, and I need to fix it.
My first step today, I went for a bike ride, went and shot a basketball around, and took a day for myself instead of immersing myself in socializing with other people. I'm going to a private little 'adjudication' session that Kyle (one of the vocal coaches from choir) invited me to for his and Caleb's acapella group Epsilon. It should be interesting. I need to start listening to what I need instead of what society wants me to think I need.
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