4 exams to go

Two exams on Tuesday, one on Thursday, one on the 26th, and then my undergraduate career is over forever!!
Hurray. I can't wait to be done!!
Then I run my half, Fiona comes here, then MEXICO!

So lately I've been really stressed out all the time, and by lately I mean like the last 3 months or so. And I've been taking it out a lot on Jake. But also, I feel like I'm not overly freaking out about anything super serious or super not worth freaking out about. Like when I go over to his place, sometimes he barely acknowledges that I'm even there. Or like he will just be on his phone the whole time when we go do stuff. Or he complains about how boring something is after I tell him he probably won't like it but then says he will go for me because I want to. Other things are that he seems to enjoy flirting with girls a bit too much, or continues to talk to girls that clearly want him as more than a friend. Sighhh. Lately we have been fighting a lot. We nearly broke up about 2 weeks ago, and I don't know.
I was talking to Mandy about it this weekend and she basically asked me if maybe I was just in it because it was convenient. I think that might be the case, but I also really like him. But then we were talking more and I realize that basically no matter what, it won't work out long term anyways. There are just so many differences between us that make it seem less and less feasible. Elizabeth keeps telling me that he is just so young, and I think that's a big thing too, is that he has a young brain and he isn't as in tune with everything as he could be, to think critically about things instead of just saying fuck it.
It's just kind of strange, because things were so much better around Christmas time and they've gone so far downhill from there in not a very long time at all. A huge change was when he moved into his new apartment. He suddenly got a lot closer, and stopped making an effort to come see me at my home and instead just stayed at home waiting for me to go over there. A lack of effort in my mind means a lack of caring. And he just seems to not want to take me out anywhere. Lately, I know it has probably been a lot my fault too because of my lack of suggestions, but we just sit around at home instead of going anywhere and doing at least something. Perhaps it was the winter that threw it off, but I miss doing things. Like going out for drinks at the pub or shopping or concerts or just for a walk in general. There is just a total lack of motivation from him that freaks me out, because it reminds me so much of Zach. This is how it went with Zach too. We would do things, but then by the end of our relationship, he got fat and lazy... Ughhhh. Jake is getting fat and lazy. Blahhhh.
And then there is our taste in things to do in general. He likes to go out and get drunk with his friends and plan everything last minute. I like to go do yoga, grab tea and a nice dinner with my friends and plan everything at least a week in advance. These types of activities don't really fit together well. I like going to hockey games, he doesn't watch hockey. I like to stay active and wander outside, he likes to stay inside unless it is over 25 degrees outside. I want to walk to the movie theatre, he wants to drive because it's 'so far away'. (i.e. 4 blocks from his apartment). He complains about how shitty everything is, and it starts to rub off on me and I complain about how shitty he is being. Haha. Life in Edmonton is what you make of it. I love it when I have the right friends around me and the right attitude. I can see how someone could get bored here or hate the people. I remember one of the first conversations we had was about the culture in Edmonton. I love it because of the Fringe, the diversity, the constant family events and the farmers market and the cute local cafes that serve the most delicious breakfast. And he thinks everyone here is a bunch of hick town people with closed minds. I know he isn't from here, but it's a pretty big deal when you constantly judge people without actually getting to know them...
I know I like to complain, so these are things I just really needed to get off my chest! It doesn't mean our relationship is over. I'm going to wait until after Mexico happens to really sort everything out.. I think 2 weeks away from each other while Fiona is here and I'm on vacation will really help clear my mind and either it will bring us closer together or we will end up breaking up. It's kind of a hard thing. The school stress has really made it a lot harder on me to look at everything clearly. I'm always stressed out and I think that's the reason why all these things bother me, but at the same time, maybe I'm not actually getting treated the way I should be. It's hard to know what it looks like from an outsider's perspective, but hopefully after exams, I'll be more happy and figure out what I need!!

EEEEE!!!!!!!!! Only two weeks left til the end!!!!!