Also, here is a cute cat picture.
Blah. So this week has been sort of an emotional trainwreck. I've been really stressed out lately and getting like 70% on an assignment threw me off a cliff for some weird effed up reason and I felt really depressed all day. Jake brought me chai and some hugs and I felt better. Then he came over for a brief bit on Wednesday while I was studying for my exam and that was nice.
And then came Thursday. I wrote my exam which went BLAH, and then went to the Rack for a bulldog and Jake was supposed to meet me there. He showed up completely smashed already with a friend. Which was okay because I really like his friend but I don't like the fact that he was drunk already. I dislike the fact that he then went on to emotionally whine to me about how he felt insecure in our relationship because I apparently deserve so much better. Or that he tried to drink and drive last night. The entire night was just kind of an almost deal breaker for me. I realize that sometimes in past relationships I've let things slide that I shouldn't have. And this time, I don't want to do that. I know I'm great and I deserve someone equally as great.
But that was just one night, right? I mean, he has been so good to me every other night, bringing me chai, letting me cry on his shoulder for no reason, making me dinner, cooking me breakfast in bed, etc. But then tonight, I was upset because he had told me all day that he really wanted to see me after my choir rehearsal and that he would come over and stay the night. But then he said earlier this evening that he might get 'roped' into doing something else tonight. It doesn't make sense to me if you make plans with me how you can get 'roped' into doing something. If you have plans, you stick with them. What bothers me is that I told him that he could go have fun with his friends and I'd just chill at home and go to bed earlier or tumbl or whatever, but he would reply with all these sad responses like I was acting like I didn't want to see him. I just want to have my freedom and let him have freedom in his life too. That's the problem with relationships sometimes, you spend too much time with the other person and they become your life rather than living real lives. And then he texts me after I ask him what he's doing and says he is going out with his friends because his friend apparently from out of town showed up. Funny how he found out right when I texted him, eh? Ya, so I was mad that he would be all Wah Wah Wah you don't want to see me and then ditch me last minute. I don't mind being alone for a night as long as I'm not led to believing I'm going to see him.
Plus, a month ago I asked if he wanted to come to my choir concert. He asked how much it was, and I said, like 20 bucks, and he patted me on the shoulder and said, have fun with that. Obviously implying that he didn't want to pay money to watch my concert. And then tonight I was mad that he still wasn't showing any interest in coming even though it is tomorrow. He had the balls to tell me that he did want to come and told me a month ago, but I didn't seem like I wanted him to come. WHY WOULD I ASK IF I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO COME. And then tried to convince me that he wasn't trying to imply that he wouldn't pay money to see me sing. Blah. Boys are stupid.
That's my rant. I hope I'm just emotionally unstable right now and I'm overthinking things.
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