Dee dee daaa laaa la la la

Braaaaaaaap!
Yesterday, I was in my bathroom and then I turned off the light and walked out and it was around 6:30 so it was pretty much dark. And Jake jumped out and scared me. And I screamed, covered my face with my hands and started crying. OMG. What happens if someone actually tries to jump me?! Am I just going to stand still and start crying? When did I get so jumpy? Ai ya.

Last week was the best thing ever. Reading week is meant to give students a much needed break so that they can make it through the second semester of post-sec. It definitely revitalized me! I worked 36 hours in four days, watched Olympics, hung out with the boyfriend, and just enjoyed myself. It was soooo nice not to have to think about going to school or even see people at school. I think I just hate the atmosphere of school. I love the campus, it's super pretty. I hate the stressed atmosphere and the unhappiness that lingers in the buildings. I've found that I've become increasingly sensitive to the way that people feel. If someone has something bothering them, I tend to feel it. And if they are happy, I feed off it. Being at school is like being surrounded by mist at a dance club. It's fun for a bit because you get to enjoy the atmosphere, but then the smell hits you and the fact that you can't see anything starts to piss you off. It's the same at school. I like seeing the friendly smiles and people having fun, but then you see the people crying over bad grades or studying for 12 hours a day or the people who are so stuck on doing well that they are alone... It's hard not to see past happy when you've been on campus for so long and have experienced the other realm where people are travelling and doing nothing overly productive for a year. I hate it! I can't wait to be done.

This week has been going a lot better. Reading week capped off with Amanda staying over and it was the bestest! I love having girly sleepovers :)
But I got some homework done early this week. Got back on track with running and working out and yoga. Met an awesome girl on Wednesday that I trained for volunteering at the studio. I have a midterm today, and then I'm free for the weekend! Except I have a 7 hour school related workshop tomorrow :( But you know, I'll enjoy it since there will be no homework attached to it, plus it's on the weekend! I don't know why, but things on Saturday or Sunday always just feel more relaxed. It's all mental, I know!
Not even remotely stressed for my midterm. It's worth 26% of my mark. I don't care because it's my last semester, and I'm pretty sure my grades aren't going to be the best this semester anyways. I expect solid B+ average :) Not like that's even bad!
Anywho, I have a midterm next Thursday and then midterms are done. Then it's the final stretch. One more month pretty much. Classes finish on April 9 and I could not be more excited. Already, I've been planning what I'm going to do when classes finish and what I'm going to do with my two weeks off after school is done completely and I'm not in Mexico. Mountains? Hang out here and yoga my heart out? Gosh, there are so many things that I could potentially do. :)

Here's a cheers to life and all the potential that we have!
Remember to breathe and let go of the things that aren't positive in your life.

Mental Meltdown

The winter is killing me. My emotional stability is at an all time low.
And I'm wondering what the efffffff is wrong with me.
But you know, it might not be the winter. I might be making poor decisions.
I should be staying at my own home at night and waking up to my therapy lamp, coffee, and tumblr. Instead, I give those lovely things up for a night over at Jake's. And it doesn't feel good to wake up there.
To not get my therapy lamp, my meditation daily, and my coffee and tumblr and youtube videos.
I'm an extrovert with introverted tendencies.
I love to be energetic and laugh and have fun, but in the mornings, I want to be alone.
It's good to be alone sometimes I guess. Sometimes I cling too much at the wrong things.

Yesterday, I couldn't even make it through class. I came home after my 2nd class and skipped my third and laid in bed and cried. Oops.
Why? I hate one guy in my group project. Jake isn't hanging out with me on Valentines day. I have no money. I want to be done school and just sleep forever.
I don't know why I dwell so much on little things. I just do. It sucks but it is what it is. I try really hard not to, but when my brain doesn't have anything else to think about, it gets sad. :(

The Olympics

Although I haven't been watching at all, I'm still proud of Canada doing so well in the first few days of the Olympics :) So proud to be Canadian always!

Oh my deary me

I just thought I got caught on a string or rope or something, and then I realized it was just my side braid hanging over my shoulder and touching my arm... -_-

4 blocks away

So Jake got evicted from his apartment and has moved into a new apartment only 4 blocks away from me! Super convenient :)
His apartment is pretty small, but I think it's almost the perfect size for one person. Enough space to move around, but not so much space that it becomes lonely. It has this horrible yet lovely dark fuschia-red carpet and it is cozy but sooooo not a man color.
His building has a swimming pool and hot tub, sauna, and a workout room. It is super convenient for him to do everything in which is great :)
I like him being so close! Plus I get to use his hot tub.

On Friday night, he got drunky drunky and got emotional... again! He told me on Sunday that he never got emotional when he drank before, and for some reason he is these days. I think life has been pretty hard on him. His job is extremely unorganized, and he is working nights, but can't seem to fall asleep during the day. So he doesn't sleep and is constantly tired all the time and I think it's wearing him down!
But basically he confessed that he moved into this apartment with the main factor that I was walking distance away. EEP! That's cute. But he always also says that I'm far too good for him and that I'll leave him eventually so he doesn't know why he keeps thinking things will last. SIGHHH. So insecure, that boy.

Confession!!! I haven't really told anyone, but he was once married and has a child. She is in Halifax with her mother's family. Big news, but I knew pretty much right when we met, so I guess that it's good that he told me... Things that adults have to deal with, right?

I can't believe it is February!

Holy moly. I can't believe we are 1/12 done the 2014 year already.
Here's a few things I've noticed about myself over the last month:

• I have become extremely committed to my physical activity. I love my running, yoga, and gym and feel sad when I miss a day for a not very good reason. But my rest days are well deserved!
• I've stopped counting calories. I just eat when I want to. (and whatever I want to)
• Routine worked really well for me. Waking up at 6:30 a.m. and going to bed at 11 p.m. made my days just flow a lot better and I've fallen out of that routine recently. Time to get back into it!
• I've gotten stronger physically. I ran 12k on Sunday and felt like I could have ran 10 more. It is so easy now to run 5k :) I don't ever feel really exhausted during yoga anymore and my balance has improved so much! My arms are getting stronger! I can do all my machines with more weight than last year!
• My mental state is a lot calmer. The lack of weekly assignments and midterms are really doing me a favour.
• I am loving my morning smoothie. It tastes delicious and is rich in protein :)
• I'm mentally prepared to start working full time. I'm so out of school mode and so into work mode.
• I've stopped spending so much money. I haven't gone shopping in ages and haven't eaten out nearly as much as before Christmas. Also, I don't buy coffee anymore. I always make my own in the morning (well almost always).
• Although Jake and I spend a lot of time together, it's never for long periods of time which has been nice. Having my own life for the other 21 hours of the day is great. And I haven't skipped yoga or workouts to be with him which I did in the past!
• I just feel healthier and stronger! It is such a good feeling :)