Saturday, May 17, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Good things happen to good people
You always see the message, or hear the words, or watch on screen, that 'things happen for a reason'.
To me, things do happen for a reason. Perhaps it's not truly that there was a reason for things, but it's how you accept what happens in life and make yourself better from them. I was horribly stalking this girl that is from Red Deer, and her sister was killed at a young age by a drunk driver. Not only has she moved forwards from this, but she keeps her sister as a reminder of how good things in life can be gone and to enjoy them while you can. And there's the silver lining. Although the death of her sister is by no means a good thing, it can create a positive mindset for those close to her. There's a change that can be made to the mentality when bad things happen and positive things can blossom from it.
I believe very strongly that good things happen to good people. And the opposite, that bad things happen to bad people. Nice people often also have more patience and have better intentions, and thus stay less stressed out about things than others. Therefore, when one thing goes bad, they accept and adjust as much as possible to make sure other things happen as planned and that no one gets disappointed, and these people act less selfishly when things don't go their way. On the other hand, bad people get frustrated and angry when things don't go their way. Then they get stressed and it happens in a chain reaction where more and more bad things seem to happen, because they see all the negatives in everything. It's not bad luck in my mind. It's that challenges come faster and harder for those who care less about others and too much about themselves.
Not that you can't be selfish at all. But there is a balance, as there is with everything else in life it seems. Balance is key. And too much of one thing can lead to not so good things.
To me, things do happen for a reason. Perhaps it's not truly that there was a reason for things, but it's how you accept what happens in life and make yourself better from them. I was horribly stalking this girl that is from Red Deer, and her sister was killed at a young age by a drunk driver. Not only has she moved forwards from this, but she keeps her sister as a reminder of how good things in life can be gone and to enjoy them while you can. And there's the silver lining. Although the death of her sister is by no means a good thing, it can create a positive mindset for those close to her. There's a change that can be made to the mentality when bad things happen and positive things can blossom from it.
I believe very strongly that good things happen to good people. And the opposite, that bad things happen to bad people. Nice people often also have more patience and have better intentions, and thus stay less stressed out about things than others. Therefore, when one thing goes bad, they accept and adjust as much as possible to make sure other things happen as planned and that no one gets disappointed, and these people act less selfishly when things don't go their way. On the other hand, bad people get frustrated and angry when things don't go their way. Then they get stressed and it happens in a chain reaction where more and more bad things seem to happen, because they see all the negatives in everything. It's not bad luck in my mind. It's that challenges come faster and harder for those who care less about others and too much about themselves.
Not that you can't be selfish at all. But there is a balance, as there is with everything else in life it seems. Balance is key. And too much of one thing can lead to not so good things.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
I'm an old folk
Bob Dylan, Peter, Paul and Mary... I am a big fan of the folk music at this exact moment.
I watched Inside Llewyn Davis and fell back in love...
I'm sick of top 40s. I like me some country and some folk :)
Also, Jake listens to purely party reggae and electronic dance. It is the worst.
I watched Inside Llewyn Davis and fell back in love...
I'm sick of top 40s. I like me some country and some folk :)
Also, Jake listens to purely party reggae and electronic dance. It is the worst.
4 exams to go
Two exams on Tuesday, one on Thursday, one on the 26th, and then my undergraduate career is over forever!!
Hurray. I can't wait to be done!!
Then I run my half, Fiona comes here, then MEXICO!
So lately I've been really stressed out all the time, and by lately I mean like the last 3 months or so. And I've been taking it out a lot on Jake. But also, I feel like I'm not overly freaking out about anything super serious or super not worth freaking out about. Like when I go over to his place, sometimes he barely acknowledges that I'm even there. Or like he will just be on his phone the whole time when we go do stuff. Or he complains about how boring something is after I tell him he probably won't like it but then says he will go for me because I want to. Other things are that he seems to enjoy flirting with girls a bit too much, or continues to talk to girls that clearly want him as more than a friend. Sighhh. Lately we have been fighting a lot. We nearly broke up about 2 weeks ago, and I don't know.
I was talking to Mandy about it this weekend and she basically asked me if maybe I was just in it because it was convenient. I think that might be the case, but I also really like him. But then we were talking more and I realize that basically no matter what, it won't work out long term anyways. There are just so many differences between us that make it seem less and less feasible. Elizabeth keeps telling me that he is just so young, and I think that's a big thing too, is that he has a young brain and he isn't as in tune with everything as he could be, to think critically about things instead of just saying fuck it.
It's just kind of strange, because things were so much better around Christmas time and they've gone so far downhill from there in not a very long time at all. A huge change was when he moved into his new apartment. He suddenly got a lot closer, and stopped making an effort to come see me at my home and instead just stayed at home waiting for me to go over there. A lack of effort in my mind means a lack of caring. And he just seems to not want to take me out anywhere. Lately, I know it has probably been a lot my fault too because of my lack of suggestions, but we just sit around at home instead of going anywhere and doing at least something. Perhaps it was the winter that threw it off, but I miss doing things. Like going out for drinks at the pub or shopping or concerts or just for a walk in general. There is just a total lack of motivation from him that freaks me out, because it reminds me so much of Zach. This is how it went with Zach too. We would do things, but then by the end of our relationship, he got fat and lazy... Ughhhh. Jake is getting fat and lazy. Blahhhh.
And then there is our taste in things to do in general. He likes to go out and get drunk with his friends and plan everything last minute. I like to go do yoga, grab tea and a nice dinner with my friends and plan everything at least a week in advance. These types of activities don't really fit together well. I like going to hockey games, he doesn't watch hockey. I like to stay active and wander outside, he likes to stay inside unless it is over 25 degrees outside. I want to walk to the movie theatre, he wants to drive because it's 'so far away'. (i.e. 4 blocks from his apartment). He complains about how shitty everything is, and it starts to rub off on me and I complain about how shitty he is being. Haha. Life in Edmonton is what you make of it. I love it when I have the right friends around me and the right attitude. I can see how someone could get bored here or hate the people. I remember one of the first conversations we had was about the culture in Edmonton. I love it because of the Fringe, the diversity, the constant family events and the farmers market and the cute local cafes that serve the most delicious breakfast. And he thinks everyone here is a bunch of hick town people with closed minds. I know he isn't from here, but it's a pretty big deal when you constantly judge people without actually getting to know them...
I know I like to complain, so these are things I just really needed to get off my chest! It doesn't mean our relationship is over. I'm going to wait until after Mexico happens to really sort everything out.. I think 2 weeks away from each other while Fiona is here and I'm on vacation will really help clear my mind and either it will bring us closer together or we will end up breaking up. It's kind of a hard thing. The school stress has really made it a lot harder on me to look at everything clearly. I'm always stressed out and I think that's the reason why all these things bother me, but at the same time, maybe I'm not actually getting treated the way I should be. It's hard to know what it looks like from an outsider's perspective, but hopefully after exams, I'll be more happy and figure out what I need!!
EEEEE!!!!!!!!! Only two weeks left til the end!!!!!
Hurray. I can't wait to be done!!
Then I run my half, Fiona comes here, then MEXICO!
So lately I've been really stressed out all the time, and by lately I mean like the last 3 months or so. And I've been taking it out a lot on Jake. But also, I feel like I'm not overly freaking out about anything super serious or super not worth freaking out about. Like when I go over to his place, sometimes he barely acknowledges that I'm even there. Or like he will just be on his phone the whole time when we go do stuff. Or he complains about how boring something is after I tell him he probably won't like it but then says he will go for me because I want to. Other things are that he seems to enjoy flirting with girls a bit too much, or continues to talk to girls that clearly want him as more than a friend. Sighhh. Lately we have been fighting a lot. We nearly broke up about 2 weeks ago, and I don't know.
I was talking to Mandy about it this weekend and she basically asked me if maybe I was just in it because it was convenient. I think that might be the case, but I also really like him. But then we were talking more and I realize that basically no matter what, it won't work out long term anyways. There are just so many differences between us that make it seem less and less feasible. Elizabeth keeps telling me that he is just so young, and I think that's a big thing too, is that he has a young brain and he isn't as in tune with everything as he could be, to think critically about things instead of just saying fuck it.
It's just kind of strange, because things were so much better around Christmas time and they've gone so far downhill from there in not a very long time at all. A huge change was when he moved into his new apartment. He suddenly got a lot closer, and stopped making an effort to come see me at my home and instead just stayed at home waiting for me to go over there. A lack of effort in my mind means a lack of caring. And he just seems to not want to take me out anywhere. Lately, I know it has probably been a lot my fault too because of my lack of suggestions, but we just sit around at home instead of going anywhere and doing at least something. Perhaps it was the winter that threw it off, but I miss doing things. Like going out for drinks at the pub or shopping or concerts or just for a walk in general. There is just a total lack of motivation from him that freaks me out, because it reminds me so much of Zach. This is how it went with Zach too. We would do things, but then by the end of our relationship, he got fat and lazy... Ughhhh. Jake is getting fat and lazy. Blahhhh.
And then there is our taste in things to do in general. He likes to go out and get drunk with his friends and plan everything last minute. I like to go do yoga, grab tea and a nice dinner with my friends and plan everything at least a week in advance. These types of activities don't really fit together well. I like going to hockey games, he doesn't watch hockey. I like to stay active and wander outside, he likes to stay inside unless it is over 25 degrees outside. I want to walk to the movie theatre, he wants to drive because it's 'so far away'. (i.e. 4 blocks from his apartment). He complains about how shitty everything is, and it starts to rub off on me and I complain about how shitty he is being. Haha. Life in Edmonton is what you make of it. I love it when I have the right friends around me and the right attitude. I can see how someone could get bored here or hate the people. I remember one of the first conversations we had was about the culture in Edmonton. I love it because of the Fringe, the diversity, the constant family events and the farmers market and the cute local cafes that serve the most delicious breakfast. And he thinks everyone here is a bunch of hick town people with closed minds. I know he isn't from here, but it's a pretty big deal when you constantly judge people without actually getting to know them...
I know I like to complain, so these are things I just really needed to get off my chest! It doesn't mean our relationship is over. I'm going to wait until after Mexico happens to really sort everything out.. I think 2 weeks away from each other while Fiona is here and I'm on vacation will really help clear my mind and either it will bring us closer together or we will end up breaking up. It's kind of a hard thing. The school stress has really made it a lot harder on me to look at everything clearly. I'm always stressed out and I think that's the reason why all these things bother me, but at the same time, maybe I'm not actually getting treated the way I should be. It's hard to know what it looks like from an outsider's perspective, but hopefully after exams, I'll be more happy and figure out what I need!!
EEEEE!!!!!!!!! Only two weeks left til the end!!!!!
Friday, April 11, 2014
MEOW
HALLELUJAH!!!! I am done my final presentation for geotech!!!
Our presentation went well, I'm done classes, and only 4 exams away from completing my undergrad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!
Our presentation went well, I'm done classes, and only 4 exams away from completing my undergrad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Hm. Growing up
The more I think about, the more confused about everything I kind of feel, but I get more excited as well.
Looking back on everything that happened over the last year or so, I couldn't have asked for a more life changing kind of experience.
I left Australia with a long distance boyfriend that just did not go well. I watched my first same age friend get married. I discovered the power of yoga. And I discovered so many other things about myself that I didn't know.
I realize now that I love to control everything. I wish I could control every single thing that happened to me at all points in time.. but I can't. Micromanaging is my things, and I realize that I'm really good at it -> potential career in management or something? Perhaps..
I realize that I don't appreciate my alone time enough. Lately I've been spending so much time with Jake that I've actually been stressing myself out without really meaning to. I love hanging out with him, but sometimes it's nice to just sit at home in front of the TV. Fart, laugh, tumbl, text, read magazines, paint my nails, whatever.. by myself and just frickin enjoy how awesome I am.
I realized how much I really want to do the whole societal routine thing. I dooo want to get married and have a life with a dog and a cat with my significant other. I want to own a house with him and plant pretty flowers and decorate the inside of our house with beautiful things that don't match each other and cook and sing and dance when I get home from work... and BAKE. OMG. I want to bake so badly.
I realize that I always expect other people to read my mind. I've recently become a lot more straightforward to people. For a long time, I've just expected people to be kind or to take the kinds of actions I would expect them to, but people don't always have the same ideas that I have. They don't plan 7 days into the future or plan the details of a night to make sure everything gets accomplished. Sometimes I need to make my ideas heard, and I'm starting to get a feel for how to do this in a nice-ish way. Also, sometimes people just need to be told how stupid they are or how not nice their attitude is.
I also hold people to an extremely high standard. At this age, I expect people my age to act with respect to all others. To not be racist, sexist, hold grudges or judge people that are not as well off as they are. Thisss is not an accurate depiction of a lot of people my age. The good ones exceed or meet my expectations. The others, well, either they've chosen to be rude or they were raised a different way than I was. But people are who they are, and I can't change that. I just hold people on this pedestal and expect them to treat everyone as if they were royalty, especially myself, but sometimes I think I need a good slap in the face to show me that I'm not really a princess... I'm just a regular girl! And sometimes I don't treat people as well as I should either, so I should stop being a hypocrite!
Anyways, I'm sure I could go on forever. But this keyboard sucks (I'm using Jake's computer) and also, I should probably go to bed seeing as I have school, choir, work, an 18k run, and a report to finalize tomorrow.
WTF. I know. GOOD NIGHT!
Looking back on everything that happened over the last year or so, I couldn't have asked for a more life changing kind of experience.
I left Australia with a long distance boyfriend that just did not go well. I watched my first same age friend get married. I discovered the power of yoga. And I discovered so many other things about myself that I didn't know.
I realize now that I love to control everything. I wish I could control every single thing that happened to me at all points in time.. but I can't. Micromanaging is my things, and I realize that I'm really good at it -> potential career in management or something? Perhaps..
I realize that I don't appreciate my alone time enough. Lately I've been spending so much time with Jake that I've actually been stressing myself out without really meaning to. I love hanging out with him, but sometimes it's nice to just sit at home in front of the TV. Fart, laugh, tumbl, text, read magazines, paint my nails, whatever.. by myself and just frickin enjoy how awesome I am.
I realized how much I really want to do the whole societal routine thing. I dooo want to get married and have a life with a dog and a cat with my significant other. I want to own a house with him and plant pretty flowers and decorate the inside of our house with beautiful things that don't match each other and cook and sing and dance when I get home from work... and BAKE. OMG. I want to bake so badly.
I realize that I always expect other people to read my mind. I've recently become a lot more straightforward to people. For a long time, I've just expected people to be kind or to take the kinds of actions I would expect them to, but people don't always have the same ideas that I have. They don't plan 7 days into the future or plan the details of a night to make sure everything gets accomplished. Sometimes I need to make my ideas heard, and I'm starting to get a feel for how to do this in a nice-ish way. Also, sometimes people just need to be told how stupid they are or how not nice their attitude is.
I also hold people to an extremely high standard. At this age, I expect people my age to act with respect to all others. To not be racist, sexist, hold grudges or judge people that are not as well off as they are. Thisss is not an accurate depiction of a lot of people my age. The good ones exceed or meet my expectations. The others, well, either they've chosen to be rude or they were raised a different way than I was. But people are who they are, and I can't change that. I just hold people on this pedestal and expect them to treat everyone as if they were royalty, especially myself, but sometimes I think I need a good slap in the face to show me that I'm not really a princess... I'm just a regular girl! And sometimes I don't treat people as well as I should either, so I should stop being a hypocrite!
Anyways, I'm sure I could go on forever. But this keyboard sucks (I'm using Jake's computer) and also, I should probably go to bed seeing as I have school, choir, work, an 18k run, and a report to finalize tomorrow.
WTF. I know. GOOD NIGHT!
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
THE END IS NEAR!!!
After a delightful weekend at home, I got to thinking about how close I am to just being done everything!!
2 and a half weeks of class left, finishing on April 9. With one class even ending early, possibly by Wednesday next week.
One month from tomorrow, I will have written my final exam of my undergrad education.
2 months from now, I will have started my full time job as an engineer in training.
OMG! My life is getting so exciting.
Things that I am looking forward to:
Summer
MEXICO
Working (ie. my first paycheck!!)
Going to the east coast
Seeing Layla again
Going to the Stampede
Running my first ever half marathon
Doing the MS Bike tour
Continuing yoga practice. I see headstands in the future :)
Potential training for a triathlon
New playlists for running and workouts!
Cleaning the crap out of my room (Goodbye schoolwork!!)
I'm so excited right now. I fluctuate through being scared and being excited about the future. I'm currently super excited. So I'll embrace the feeling :)
2 and a half weeks of class left, finishing on April 9. With one class even ending early, possibly by Wednesday next week.
One month from tomorrow, I will have written my final exam of my undergrad education.
2 months from now, I will have started my full time job as an engineer in training.
OMG! My life is getting so exciting.
Things that I am looking forward to:
Summer
MEXICO
Working (ie. my first paycheck!!)
Going to the east coast
Seeing Layla again
Going to the Stampede
Running my first ever half marathon
Doing the MS Bike tour
Continuing yoga practice. I see headstands in the future :)
Potential training for a triathlon
New playlists for running and workouts!
Cleaning the crap out of my room (Goodbye schoolwork!!)
I'm so excited right now. I fluctuate through being scared and being excited about the future. I'm currently super excited. So I'll embrace the feeling :)
Sunday, March 16, 2014
I like cool things, do you?
Shirts make me giggle. I want them.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Muscles! Urghhh
The best feeling is running 13k and feeling like it was nothing :)
No muscle soreness and not really even that out of breath.
YAY!
Half marathon on April 27. It's going to be fantastic!
No muscle soreness and not really even that out of breath.
YAY!
Half marathon on April 27. It's going to be fantastic!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
I SEE THE LIGHT!
In more ways than one, I can see the light!
1. The sun has started shining, the snow is melting, and the weather has become a lot lot lot better.
2. I only have a month left until classes are done forever!!!
I can't help but feel relieved after getting my iron ring. Sure, it doesn't mean that I'm completely done and graduated or anything, but it signifies the 4 years of hard work that I've put in, and that I'm nearly at the finish line. Just like running a race, there's a point in the middle where you begin doubting whether or not it was worth it, but when you reach that point where the finish is in sight, you get a bit of rocket fuel and push for the finish.
I absolutely cannot wait to be done school. It was a turbulent 5 (technically 6) years of my life. It had ups and downs, and now there's another phase of life to begin. When school finishes, work starts, and I'm hoping that it is fun and full of new experiences.
Things have calmed down on the social front. I'm spending more time to myself. And training harder for my run. I'm not as focused on yoga these days, but I'll get back into it when time allows. Things with the boyfriend have improved, mostly because I think we are both less grumpy because the weather is getting better. And I'm just feeling a lot better this week about everything. I feel comfortable, yet not too comfortable. There are still things to worry about, but one day at a time.
I need money. Haha. That's my main concern at the moment. But I can survive :)
1. The sun has started shining, the snow is melting, and the weather has become a lot lot lot better.
2. I only have a month left until classes are done forever!!!
I can't help but feel relieved after getting my iron ring. Sure, it doesn't mean that I'm completely done and graduated or anything, but it signifies the 4 years of hard work that I've put in, and that I'm nearly at the finish line. Just like running a race, there's a point in the middle where you begin doubting whether or not it was worth it, but when you reach that point where the finish is in sight, you get a bit of rocket fuel and push for the finish.
I absolutely cannot wait to be done school. It was a turbulent 5 (technically 6) years of my life. It had ups and downs, and now there's another phase of life to begin. When school finishes, work starts, and I'm hoping that it is fun and full of new experiences.
Things have calmed down on the social front. I'm spending more time to myself. And training harder for my run. I'm not as focused on yoga these days, but I'll get back into it when time allows. Things with the boyfriend have improved, mostly because I think we are both less grumpy because the weather is getting better. And I'm just feeling a lot better this week about everything. I feel comfortable, yet not too comfortable. There are still things to worry about, but one day at a time.
I need money. Haha. That's my main concern at the moment. But I can survive :)
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Breakdown and Cry
Happy sad happy sad happy sad.
That is the cycle that seems to be my life right now.
I have a good day or two. And then everything sucks for a day.
I'm so sad almost all the time these days and I have no idea why. It might be the winter blues or maybe it is something deeper than that. Either way, I'm ready for it to go away.
I feel extremely disgusting. I haven't been eating well, but at the same time, I have been running 3 times a week and still going to the gym and yoga, and yet I feel like that isn't enough. That I'm not good enough to be around other people. I feel overwhelmed with this desire to be better. To look better. To be better. And although I should be happy with how I look and what I've accomplished, I feel this push for more.
Lately I've been breaking down crying over absolutely nothing significant. Like Jake will say something and I'll take it the wrong way and start crying or get mad at him and then start crying. It's the most ridiculous thing!
Last night, he was out buying us drinky poos for tomorrow night to celebrate with, and I was mad at him for not being home when I got to his place. And then I had a meltdown by the end of the night because I just felt so undesirable. Like he didn't put his arm around me when we were cuddling on the couch and OH NO it was the end of the world for me. I felt like he was just disgusted with me and didn't want to touch me and I know that's not true whatsoever, but I couldn't help but feel it. I'm just feeling so down and I hate it.
I'm trying to think positive. I'm trying to be happy. And it isn't working.
Ughhhhh.
That is the cycle that seems to be my life right now.
I have a good day or two. And then everything sucks for a day.
I'm so sad almost all the time these days and I have no idea why. It might be the winter blues or maybe it is something deeper than that. Either way, I'm ready for it to go away.
I feel extremely disgusting. I haven't been eating well, but at the same time, I have been running 3 times a week and still going to the gym and yoga, and yet I feel like that isn't enough. That I'm not good enough to be around other people. I feel overwhelmed with this desire to be better. To look better. To be better. And although I should be happy with how I look and what I've accomplished, I feel this push for more.
Lately I've been breaking down crying over absolutely nothing significant. Like Jake will say something and I'll take it the wrong way and start crying or get mad at him and then start crying. It's the most ridiculous thing!
Last night, he was out buying us drinky poos for tomorrow night to celebrate with, and I was mad at him for not being home when I got to his place. And then I had a meltdown by the end of the night because I just felt so undesirable. Like he didn't put his arm around me when we were cuddling on the couch and OH NO it was the end of the world for me. I felt like he was just disgusted with me and didn't want to touch me and I know that's not true whatsoever, but I couldn't help but feel it. I'm just feeling so down and I hate it.
I'm trying to think positive. I'm trying to be happy. And it isn't working.
Ughhhhh.
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