Saturday, April 30, 2011
I have lost faith.
I have lost faith in all of society.
How is it that the nicest people on earth have no friends because they are 'nerds' or are 'ugly', and the people with the cruelest hearts on earth have friends because they are 'hot' or 'rich'.
It isn't fair that kids are dying of malnourishment when there are people everywhere with pool houses and 5000 sq. ft. houses for a single person.
Why are their homeless people on the streets that mean no harm but get nothing because people are too scared to approach them or people believe they did something bad and deserve to be out there in the cold.
If someone who steps over everyone to get to the top deserves all the basic needs, so do most of these homeless people.
Why is it that hospitals carry out surgeries on an 80 year old man so that he can live maybe a few years longer. It is as though we want everyone to live forever, but isn't there a time in life when these old people have done all they want in life and are 'ready' to go?
Like euthanasia, people are against it because we shouldn't 'be god', we shouldn't be allowed to decide when it is a person's time to go, but then why are we allowed to decide when to delay their death?
Why is it that people on the top buy fancy cars like escalades and big trucks when they guzzle gas like crazy? Aren't these the people that can afford to buy fuel efficient cars and start the process in shifting our world to an environmentally friendly one?
Or what about lab-grown meat? Isn't something wrong when the world cannot sustain itself on real animal meat and vegetables? Why is it that we need scientists to constantly figure out new ways that people in the world can get their required food, when people in countries all over the world are starving because they don't even have the simplest foods.
How does the world become a place where girls and boys all over the world are constantly tortured by their own appearances, because of how skinny someone else is, or how awesome someone else's clothes are. When did the world become a place where no one could be different.
Why is it that we make fun of people who work at Mcdonald's, when some of these people couldn't choose their future like we can. School wasn't affordable for them, so they work at fast food to try to make money. Who is it to say they aren't happy with their lives?
I have given up on the idea of being an engineer. I don't feel like it is something that will make me happy, but then again, I am a very easily influenced person. I feel like going to post-secondary was something that everyone assumed I would just do. But what is so wrong about moving to a beautiful city somewhere by the coast or in a foreign country, and just living?
School isn't living to me. It is somewhere you go so that you can hopefully make a ton of money by the end of it by using your education. If you are lucky, you'll find friends that have the same morals and ethics as you, and you will be friends forever. Then you go out in the real world and live your fake life of being successful and 'happy', when really all you want to do is run away and live the life you always wanted. Stress free of work frustrations, able to spend time with the friends you have, and have the family you wanted. Money doesn't define everything, but in this society, it means a heck of a lot more than it should. I don't believe that all people hate school and have fake lives, I just mean that as my opinion. It's how my life will turn out unless some crazy thing happens and I find my dream job in the environmental engineering field.
I'm almost debating moving to the coast when I graduate, and living that dream life for a year. Work a low end job, meet people, and see if that feels right, because going to school sure doesn't feel like it is the right thing for me to do.
I have lost faith in all of society.
How is it that the nicest people on earth have no friends because they are 'nerds' or are 'ugly', and the people with the cruelest hearts on earth have friends because they are 'hot' or 'rich'.
It isn't fair that kids are dying of malnourishment when there are people everywhere with pool houses and 5000 sq. ft. houses for a single person.
Why are their homeless people on the streets that mean no harm but get nothing because people are too scared to approach them or people believe they did something bad and deserve to be out there in the cold.
If someone who steps over everyone to get to the top deserves all the basic needs, so do most of these homeless people.
Why is it that hospitals carry out surgeries on an 80 year old man so that he can live maybe a few years longer. It is as though we want everyone to live forever, but isn't there a time in life when these old people have done all they want in life and are 'ready' to go?
Like euthanasia, people are against it because we shouldn't 'be god', we shouldn't be allowed to decide when it is a person's time to go, but then why are we allowed to decide when to delay their death?
Why is it that people on the top buy fancy cars like escalades and big trucks when they guzzle gas like crazy? Aren't these the people that can afford to buy fuel efficient cars and start the process in shifting our world to an environmentally friendly one?
Or what about lab-grown meat? Isn't something wrong when the world cannot sustain itself on real animal meat and vegetables? Why is it that we need scientists to constantly figure out new ways that people in the world can get their required food, when people in countries all over the world are starving because they don't even have the simplest foods.
How does the world become a place where girls and boys all over the world are constantly tortured by their own appearances, because of how skinny someone else is, or how awesome someone else's clothes are. When did the world become a place where no one could be different.
Why is it that we make fun of people who work at Mcdonald's, when some of these people couldn't choose their future like we can. School wasn't affordable for them, so they work at fast food to try to make money. Who is it to say they aren't happy with their lives?
I have given up on the idea of being an engineer. I don't feel like it is something that will make me happy, but then again, I am a very easily influenced person. I feel like going to post-secondary was something that everyone assumed I would just do. But what is so wrong about moving to a beautiful city somewhere by the coast or in a foreign country, and just living?
School isn't living to me. It is somewhere you go so that you can hopefully make a ton of money by the end of it by using your education. If you are lucky, you'll find friends that have the same morals and ethics as you, and you will be friends forever. Then you go out in the real world and live your fake life of being successful and 'happy', when really all you want to do is run away and live the life you always wanted. Stress free of work frustrations, able to spend time with the friends you have, and have the family you wanted. Money doesn't define everything, but in this society, it means a heck of a lot more than it should. I don't believe that all people hate school and have fake lives, I just mean that as my opinion. It's how my life will turn out unless some crazy thing happens and I find my dream job in the environmental engineering field.
I'm almost debating moving to the coast when I graduate, and living that dream life for a year. Work a low end job, meet people, and see if that feels right, because going to school sure doesn't feel like it is the right thing for me to do.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Things I want to give up:
- Feeling selfish when I don't rearrange my schedule to make everything work for everyone else.
- Doing this to make people happy when it just makes me angry.
- Feeling like I need to be perfect so that people will like me.
- Feeling guilty after eating a big bag of chips.
- Feeling guilty about having a lazy day when it helps my mental health.
- Having too high of expectations for myself.
- Feeling bad when I go over budget for the month.
- Stressing out about the small stuff.
- Feeling too emotional about silly things to fall asleep.
- Believing in myself.
- Doing things that make myself happy.
- Trying to do everything I can to help the world in the ways I believe in.
- Being a free spirit and not caring what other people think.
- Sitting and looking at pictures on tumblr for hours.
- Caring about people I don't even know.
- Going out and having fun with friends.
- Celebrating other people's or my own accomplishments.
- Enjoying the sun and all the delicious ice cream it brings into my belly :)
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
You know what really sucks?
Going into an exam feeling prepared when you have studied 12 hours and know all the little details of everything in the slides and lectures of the course, and then going in to find that not only did most of his questions come from not his slides, but rather something he didn't talk about in class and only put in our last homework which he didn't put emphasis on.
And it was worth the most marks out of all the questions, worth about 14% of my final exam mark.
Which I got completely wrong because I assumed he wouldn't do that because of how little emphasis he put on it. So now I am left with maybe an average mark even though I probably studied at least double the time that the average person in the class got.
I don't even understand profs anymore. They need to be more consistent with their exams so that the students understand what to expect on the final so that they don't get screwed over.
Out of all 4 exams I have written, only 1 had the expected material on it. So basically going into finals I had an expected 3.8 GPA, but now with the ridiculously exams, I maybe got a 3.3. Assuming the average was on par with my judgement of how hard I thought the exams was. Wow.
What a piece of crap year.
I probably tried hardest this term and am going to get none of the GPA I wanted to show for it.
Going into an exam feeling prepared when you have studied 12 hours and know all the little details of everything in the slides and lectures of the course, and then going in to find that not only did most of his questions come from not his slides, but rather something he didn't talk about in class and only put in our last homework which he didn't put emphasis on.
And it was worth the most marks out of all the questions, worth about 14% of my final exam mark.
Which I got completely wrong because I assumed he wouldn't do that because of how little emphasis he put on it. So now I am left with maybe an average mark even though I probably studied at least double the time that the average person in the class got.
I don't even understand profs anymore. They need to be more consistent with their exams so that the students understand what to expect on the final so that they don't get screwed over.
Out of all 4 exams I have written, only 1 had the expected material on it. So basically going into finals I had an expected 3.8 GPA, but now with the ridiculously exams, I maybe got a 3.3. Assuming the average was on par with my judgement of how hard I thought the exams was. Wow.
What a piece of crap year.
I probably tried hardest this term and am going to get none of the GPA I wanted to show for it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=4416857
This is the run I have planned for tomorrow! I hope I don't die! :D
This is the run I have planned for tomorrow! I hope I don't die! :D
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The ABC's!
Apple I like to eat: GALA
British show I love: MISFITS
Cat that I want: Orange tabby! Or black and white medium haired fluffy one!
Drink-Alcoholic: MOJITO!
Everyday task: Drinking a glass of lime water when I wake up.
Favorite picture: Of the moment-
Getting excited for: Summer, ice cream, and sand between my toes in Vancouver!
Hugs are: the most wonderful thing ever!
Interested in: clothes. Buying a lot of clothes. And perhaps learning some music history!
Just thinking about: How I want to get ready for summer by eating healthier and staying consistent with workouts!
Kites are: fun for flying but are really hard to get up in the air!
Long-term goals: Finish school, get a job, get my P.Eng. Then try something new if I don't love my job. Be happy!
Money-making idea: frienddate?? I would think that maybe I would like to invest in a small company that I see potential in when I am older and financially stable. Risky business!
Newest "WOAH" moment: Seeing how unhappy my transportation TA is and realizing that most of his problems probably come from stupid idiots in class being rude and not being quiet when he talks and making fun of him when they think he can't here them.
Opinion on the word slut: Degrading when used to put down someone for insulting's sake. But empowering when girls are jealous and say that a girl is a slut or when guys go WOW she is so sexy but such a slut when the girl is actually just ridiculously pretty and confident!
Problem right now: How to get through Cheryl's birthday dinner without feeling awkward!
Question to anyone: To Megan Fox- Why did you get so much plastic surgery and why is it possible that you are so sexy!?
Reason to love life: Amazing friends and family. Ability to support myself and be independent. Good at life in general. Effort equals success!
Spring's best traits: SUNSHINE! NO MORE SNOW! WARMTH!!!!!
Travel Plans: Vancouver this summer. Hopefully Australia/New Zealand after graduation!
Underwear: Are super fun! You can wear sexy ones, or holy ones, and no one will every know!
Very young babies: Are adorable!
Wonderwoman: shows that women can be just as powerful as men. But we can get away with so much more because we aren't considered equal to men. Feminism at its best...
X-rays: Are super cool! I want to see my bones!
Youtube video that I love at the moment:
Zoo animal that I always look most forward to seeing: RED PANDA!
Apple I like to eat: GALA
British show I love: MISFITS
Cat that I want: Orange tabby! Or black and white medium haired fluffy one!
Drink-Alcoholic: MOJITO!
Everyday task: Drinking a glass of lime water when I wake up.
Favorite picture: Of the moment-
Getting excited for: Summer, ice cream, and sand between my toes in Vancouver!
Hugs are: the most wonderful thing ever!
Interested in: clothes. Buying a lot of clothes. And perhaps learning some music history!
Just thinking about: How I want to get ready for summer by eating healthier and staying consistent with workouts!
Kites are: fun for flying but are really hard to get up in the air!
Long-term goals: Finish school, get a job, get my P.Eng. Then try something new if I don't love my job. Be happy!
Money-making idea: frienddate?? I would think that maybe I would like to invest in a small company that I see potential in when I am older and financially stable. Risky business!
Newest "WOAH" moment: Seeing how unhappy my transportation TA is and realizing that most of his problems probably come from stupid idiots in class being rude and not being quiet when he talks and making fun of him when they think he can't here them.
Opinion on the word slut: Degrading when used to put down someone for insulting's sake. But empowering when girls are jealous and say that a girl is a slut or when guys go WOW she is so sexy but such a slut when the girl is actually just ridiculously pretty and confident!
Problem right now: How to get through Cheryl's birthday dinner without feeling awkward!
Question to anyone: To Megan Fox- Why did you get so much plastic surgery and why is it possible that you are so sexy!?
Reason to love life: Amazing friends and family. Ability to support myself and be independent. Good at life in general. Effort equals success!
Spring's best traits: SUNSHINE! NO MORE SNOW! WARMTH!!!!!
Travel Plans: Vancouver this summer. Hopefully Australia/New Zealand after graduation!
Underwear: Are super fun! You can wear sexy ones, or holy ones, and no one will every know!
Very young babies: Are adorable!
Wonderwoman: shows that women can be just as powerful as men. But we can get away with so much more because we aren't considered equal to men. Feminism at its best...
X-rays: Are super cool! I want to see my bones!
Youtube video that I love at the moment:
Zoo animal that I always look most forward to seeing: RED PANDA!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Totally missed a whole bunch!
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why.
Someone who fascinates me is myself. I think I have become a completely different person from my high school self, and I have no clue why this has happened. I used to be a very outgoing person with no self-restraint and extreme confidence. Now, I mostly like to be by myself, don't like socializing, and have okay confidence. I have no idea how gaining weight seems to have such an extreme impact on me, and I think this may be the reason that I have changed so much from my old self. This whole things is fascinating to me. Why should appearance be so much of my life? Sigh. I can only learn to get past it.
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you.
Feeling so stressed out that I have a constantly full feeling head. I don't know if you have felt this before, but it feels like your head is so full that you can't relax, and it eventually develops into a perma headache. Why so stressed out? No idea. School is almost done and spring is coming, but for some reason I am just freaking out about everything even though my grades are good and I barely have anything to be stressed about.
day 28 - something that you miss.
I miss the days where I could go to school at 8 15 in the morning and try with minimal effort all and still have people socializing with me and doing amazing in school. Everything was so easy until adult responsibilities like money and cooking and actually making an effort to have friends was part of my life. I miss the easy days where I went home to suntan while eating candy and drinking a slurpee. Or I would go home, eat dinner, and then go hang out with friends for hours. I miss easy. Easy easy easy equals no stress and no sadness.
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days.
Highs:
-Acing my soils midterm
-Joining choir and singing the first warmup
-Going to an oil kings game
-St. Patrick's day
-Zach's birthday
-Sunlight... FINALLY
Lows
-Getting only average on fluids midterm
-Finding out about Shane
-Being hit by reality after visiting him for the first time
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why.
Someone who fascinates me is myself. I think I have become a completely different person from my high school self, and I have no clue why this has happened. I used to be a very outgoing person with no self-restraint and extreme confidence. Now, I mostly like to be by myself, don't like socializing, and have okay confidence. I have no idea how gaining weight seems to have such an extreme impact on me, and I think this may be the reason that I have changed so much from my old self. This whole things is fascinating to me. Why should appearance be so much of my life? Sigh. I can only learn to get past it.
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you.
People that attract me are the ones who have a smile on their faces on all the time, talk a lot, and have no problem talking to strangers. Also, they have to be unafraid to look me straight in the eye. Absolute confidence is such an attractive feature on everyone. Dark hair and blue eyes also help...
day 27 - a problem that you have had. Feeling so stressed out that I have a constantly full feeling head. I don't know if you have felt this before, but it feels like your head is so full that you can't relax, and it eventually develops into a perma headache. Why so stressed out? No idea. School is almost done and spring is coming, but for some reason I am just freaking out about everything even though my grades are good and I barely have anything to be stressed about.
day 28 - something that you miss.
I miss the days where I could go to school at 8 15 in the morning and try with minimal effort all and still have people socializing with me and doing amazing in school. Everything was so easy until adult responsibilities like money and cooking and actually making an effort to have friends was part of my life. I miss the easy days where I went home to suntan while eating candy and drinking a slurpee. Or I would go home, eat dinner, and then go hang out with friends for hours. I miss easy. Easy easy easy equals no stress and no sadness.
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days.
- Study for exams and get good grades
- Eat healthy-ish
- Work out consistently
- Maintain friendships so next year will be good
- Figure out piano stuff
- Prepare for choir concert
- Figure out work stuff so I can go to Vancouver for grad
Highs:
-Acing my soils midterm
-Joining choir and singing the first warmup
-Going to an oil kings game
-St. Patrick's day
-Zach's birthday
-Sunlight... FINALLY
Lows
-Getting only average on fluids midterm
-Finding out about Shane
-Being hit by reality after visiting him for the first time
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