Happy sad happy sad happy sad.
That is the cycle that seems to be my life right now.
I have a good day or two. And then everything sucks for a day.
I'm so sad almost all the time these days and I have no idea why. It might be the winter blues or maybe it is something deeper than that. Either way, I'm ready for it to go away.
I feel extremely disgusting. I haven't been eating well, but at the same time, I have been running 3 times a week and still going to the gym and yoga, and yet I feel like that isn't enough. That I'm not good enough to be around other people. I feel overwhelmed with this desire to be better. To look better. To be better. And although I should be happy with how I look and what I've accomplished, I feel this push for more.
Lately I've been breaking down crying over absolutely nothing significant. Like Jake will say something and I'll take it the wrong way and start crying or get mad at him and then start crying. It's the most ridiculous thing!
Last night, he was out buying us drinky poos for tomorrow night to celebrate with, and I was mad at him for not being home when I got to his place. And then I had a meltdown by the end of the night because I just felt so undesirable. Like he didn't put his arm around me when we were cuddling on the couch and OH NO it was the end of the world for me. I felt like he was just disgusted with me and didn't want to touch me and I know that's not true whatsoever, but I couldn't help but feel it. I'm just feeling so down and I hate it.
I'm trying to think positive. I'm trying to be happy. And it isn't working.
Ughhhhh.
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1 comment:
Wahhh!! I can relate to this with how I felt all February. I don't even know what the secret is though to reversing the way we feel and to not fixate on the negatives. I hope the cycle breaks sometime soon. You're wonderful and perhaps spring and life after university will bring good things along. Lubadub you! <3
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