I am an emotional wreck. Haha.
I'm so back and forth that it's absolutely ridiculous.
I'm sad, then I'm happy, then I'm angry.
I don't even know what to feel.
Better to feel everything than nothing at all?

Here are the things currently going on in my mind.
I am done all 5 assignments that are due this week to the fullest extent in which I know how to do them. I'm relieved yet stressed because I think I did a good majority of it wrong.
I don't know what to do about Josh. I like him, but I feel disappointed every time the day after the date rolls around. I don't even know how to explain it. Like maybe I am in this for the wrong reasons. Do I even like him or do I just like the idea of him? Our date on Friday was really fun, but I felt weirded out about it on Saturday when I woke up.. And stressed out about it. Maybe something was missing from it? I don't even know. And I feel like I'm waiting around for him to text me so I know I have control of this whole situation. Relationships are a signal of power for me because I love knowing I can get what I want... NOT the reason I should be in one. I need to be single again. And I know I'm mostly single right now, but knowing Josh is there is holding me back. I'm single again. I need to be. I need to be myself and stop waiting around for guys. I'm too young for that crap. I need to come first.
Yesterday I cried myself to bed. Why? I have no clue. It bothers me that I feel like I need to cry in order to feel better. I do it once every few months for absolutely no reason at all. I'll just feel unbearably sad and end up crying for no reason at all. Is that even normal? It's not that I feel sad about anything in particular, it's just an overwhelming feeling in my chest. How strange is that?

Whatever. Today I don't feel much at all. I feel numb again. I don't understand myself. I need to find happiness, but it's so much further away than I thought it originally was.