'There's girls and stuff, but it's pretty Jewish'
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Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011 is coming to a close, and I'd like to summarize my family's highlights of the past year:
- Diane graduated law school!
- We went to Vancouver and had a wonderful time including a relaxing bike ride around Stanley Park
- Di Yee got a new vehicle!
- We got a new kitchen table
- We completed renos on the house.
- Amanda graduated! And moved home to become a cat lady.
- We got new in-laws! Although they are a tad bit weird. (and by tad bit I mean a lot bit)
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
“You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe-size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress.
You are no amalgam of these things.
You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries”
| — | Unknown. |
The new year gives everyone a second chance.
A clean slate to start on.
A hope that this year will be better than the last.
And that we will accomplish all that we wish to accomplish.
It brings hope. Hope for happiness, hope for forgiveness, and hope for a new beginning.
I can't wait to start my new year :)
A clean slate to start on.
A hope that this year will be better than the last.
And that we will accomplish all that we wish to accomplish.
It brings hope. Hope for happiness, hope for forgiveness, and hope for a new beginning.
I can't wait to start my new year :)
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
BOYS.
Such a huge part of my year.
My year started off with me in a 2 plus some relationship with Zach.
It was awful. He was useless, played WoW for too long, didn't appreciate me, etc.
I basically considered myself done with him in early April, but we didn't officially end things until I moved out of the apartment for summer at the end of the month.
Then came a barrage of boys.
I would go out drinking and dancing and find a guy to make out with just for the heck of it. Which I would say I needed. After being with Zach for so long, it was time to be young and stupid. And so I did just that.
I made out with Steve and Evan from work, but those never went anywhere although I did like Evan for a little while.
Then there was Bret. He was such a nice guy when we were one on one but then whenever other people were around, he was kind of a douchebag to them. Obviously he lacked social skills. Plus he was really clingy and overly sensitive. He always talked about how fat he was even though he was ridiculously skinny, and I've found that through all my insecurities, I cannot date anyone with a low self-esteem. I can't be the foundation that people sit upon. I'm strong, but only strong enough to hold myself up.
And then there were the Stantec boys. Mike was the guy that took me out on a date to Cowboys and Aliens and then we came back to my place, drank a beer and chatted for hours. He gave me a goodnight kiss and that was the end of that. He invited me to go horseback riding but the night before was Doug's birthday party and I ended up not just kissing Doug that night, but Mike and another guy that also worked at Stantec.
HAHA. If I worked at Stantec, they would have labeled me the 'office slut'. I was super drunk that night and had an epiphany the next day about boys and life.
The week after that party, I isolated myself from people and just took time for myself, and that's when I realized I needed to concentrate on myself more and stop paying so much attention to gaining the interest of boys.
So for the rest of the summer, things were pretty good. I don't think I messed around with too many other people. And if I did, I certainly don't remember them.
Until Josh came around. Central Alberta Music Festival. 2 weeks before I was leaving to Edmonton, I had the best weekend of my summer. I got to hang out outside, chat with new people about their lives, eat food out of trucks, and I partied with people in a band! Josh was Rina's boyfriend's bandmate's friend. And I couldn't help but be attracted to him because he just oozed confidence and was super cute.
Friday night, I went and drank with some of Rina's friends, and Josh was hanging out around the fire too.
I saw this happen: Brooke (a girl that Josh went to school with): "OMG! My hands are so cold. Josh, feel them!"
CLASSIC MOVE. Josh held her hand. Haha. And Brooke had a smug little grin on her face.
Anyways, Josh gave me free booze all night, and then I had to pee so I wandered off to the outhouses, then to someone else's fire to socialize with them, since I'd talked to them earlier to get materials to make fire. Guess who was there? Josh. Haha. That was when he started flirting with me. First he put his arm around me, then he tried to hold my hand. And I was said to myself, what the hell, why not? One night. So we walked back to our own little party together, when he 'tripped and fell down' and proceeded to pull me down with him. Hello make out session. And that's how the rest of the night went down. Drinking, kissing, sleeping.
We sort of hung out for the rest of the weekend, but I was busy with my own things, and so was he. But he kept making an effort to come find me and sit and talk to me. Sunday afternoon, the festival was wrapping up, and I was just sitting and watching the last musicians, and he came and sat down and we had a really nice conversation. And then everything ended. He tried to get my phone number by tapping his phone on my leg, etc. but I wasn't going to give it to him unless he asked. He didn't and so we parted ways and I was happy. No drama, got to hang out with a boy for a weekend and then forget about it.
Think again. 5 days later, I went to lunch with some co-workers at the Vietnamese place, and Josh was there coincidentally. I went over to say hi to him, and that's when he got my phone number. We hung out that night and that's when it all started. I really like him and still try to see him when I can. I just don't know if we have enough intellectual conversation to really connect. A lot of our relationship revolves around our physical attraction to one another I think. But for right now, that's enough for me.
Flash forward to late November. Went to scuba on Friday night, then out for drinks with my instructors, then off to Whyte to go to O'byrnes with Shane. We drank by ourselves for a while, then moved to the bar, and that's when Jay started talking to me about Vietnamese food. He was a pretty nice guy and by then, mine and Shane's conversation had come to a standstill, so I just started talking to him. He was super fun, and I love learning about new people. About an hour into our conversation, prof guy came around and I started talking to him as well. The conversation was easy and random and fun. Witty banter here and there, and then I started talking about The League. Somehow talking about that show seems to make me cool in the eyes of men. Shane got kicked out by drinking too much and being drunk, and prof guy, Jay, and I went back to prof guy's house to watch The League. By that point, I was ready to pass out but tried to stay awake, but eventually just went to sleep at prof guy's house. Boy was that cab ride awkward the next morning.
"Okay... I guess I'll talk to you later.." "Uh... Sure..." Things like that.
But I was intrigued enough and apparently so was he, because we started texting a lot about things that were actually thought-provoking, and now I'm still hanging out with him.
What I've learned through all of this? Don't miss out on opportunities with people by getting involved in a serious relationship unless you're sure that your heart doesn't want anyone else. Also, don't let boys restrict the way you dress, act, or feel. Who cares if they don't like your outfit? Who cares if they don't like you? There are a million people out there who would think differently. Be confident, and enjoy being you. I've spent too much of my life being someone else for someone, and now it's time to be me and to find those who appreciate me for who I truly am.
I was texting Josh last night and asked him why he likes me and he said "I love your crazy personality, you always make me laugh, and you accept me as who I am."
Funny thing is I said the exact same thing back to him before when he asked me, but in different words. The thing is, we get each other. We know we're weirdos and it's funny. That's what I need. Someone who just sort of gets me.
Such a huge part of my year.
My year started off with me in a 2 plus some relationship with Zach.
It was awful. He was useless, played WoW for too long, didn't appreciate me, etc.
I basically considered myself done with him in early April, but we didn't officially end things until I moved out of the apartment for summer at the end of the month.
Then came a barrage of boys.
I would go out drinking and dancing and find a guy to make out with just for the heck of it. Which I would say I needed. After being with Zach for so long, it was time to be young and stupid. And so I did just that.
I made out with Steve and Evan from work, but those never went anywhere although I did like Evan for a little while.
Then there was Bret. He was such a nice guy when we were one on one but then whenever other people were around, he was kind of a douchebag to them. Obviously he lacked social skills. Plus he was really clingy and overly sensitive. He always talked about how fat he was even though he was ridiculously skinny, and I've found that through all my insecurities, I cannot date anyone with a low self-esteem. I can't be the foundation that people sit upon. I'm strong, but only strong enough to hold myself up.
And then there were the Stantec boys. Mike was the guy that took me out on a date to Cowboys and Aliens and then we came back to my place, drank a beer and chatted for hours. He gave me a goodnight kiss and that was the end of that. He invited me to go horseback riding but the night before was Doug's birthday party and I ended up not just kissing Doug that night, but Mike and another guy that also worked at Stantec.
HAHA. If I worked at Stantec, they would have labeled me the 'office slut'. I was super drunk that night and had an epiphany the next day about boys and life.
The week after that party, I isolated myself from people and just took time for myself, and that's when I realized I needed to concentrate on myself more and stop paying so much attention to gaining the interest of boys.
So for the rest of the summer, things were pretty good. I don't think I messed around with too many other people. And if I did, I certainly don't remember them.
Until Josh came around. Central Alberta Music Festival. 2 weeks before I was leaving to Edmonton, I had the best weekend of my summer. I got to hang out outside, chat with new people about their lives, eat food out of trucks, and I partied with people in a band! Josh was Rina's boyfriend's bandmate's friend. And I couldn't help but be attracted to him because he just oozed confidence and was super cute.
Friday night, I went and drank with some of Rina's friends, and Josh was hanging out around the fire too.
I saw this happen: Brooke (a girl that Josh went to school with): "OMG! My hands are so cold. Josh, feel them!"
CLASSIC MOVE. Josh held her hand. Haha. And Brooke had a smug little grin on her face.
Anyways, Josh gave me free booze all night, and then I had to pee so I wandered off to the outhouses, then to someone else's fire to socialize with them, since I'd talked to them earlier to get materials to make fire. Guess who was there? Josh. Haha. That was when he started flirting with me. First he put his arm around me, then he tried to hold my hand. And I was said to myself, what the hell, why not? One night. So we walked back to our own little party together, when he 'tripped and fell down' and proceeded to pull me down with him. Hello make out session. And that's how the rest of the night went down. Drinking, kissing, sleeping.
We sort of hung out for the rest of the weekend, but I was busy with my own things, and so was he. But he kept making an effort to come find me and sit and talk to me. Sunday afternoon, the festival was wrapping up, and I was just sitting and watching the last musicians, and he came and sat down and we had a really nice conversation. And then everything ended. He tried to get my phone number by tapping his phone on my leg, etc. but I wasn't going to give it to him unless he asked. He didn't and so we parted ways and I was happy. No drama, got to hang out with a boy for a weekend and then forget about it.
Think again. 5 days later, I went to lunch with some co-workers at the Vietnamese place, and Josh was there coincidentally. I went over to say hi to him, and that's when he got my phone number. We hung out that night and that's when it all started. I really like him and still try to see him when I can. I just don't know if we have enough intellectual conversation to really connect. A lot of our relationship revolves around our physical attraction to one another I think. But for right now, that's enough for me.
Flash forward to late November. Went to scuba on Friday night, then out for drinks with my instructors, then off to Whyte to go to O'byrnes with Shane. We drank by ourselves for a while, then moved to the bar, and that's when Jay started talking to me about Vietnamese food. He was a pretty nice guy and by then, mine and Shane's conversation had come to a standstill, so I just started talking to him. He was super fun, and I love learning about new people. About an hour into our conversation, prof guy came around and I started talking to him as well. The conversation was easy and random and fun. Witty banter here and there, and then I started talking about The League. Somehow talking about that show seems to make me cool in the eyes of men. Shane got kicked out by drinking too much and being drunk, and prof guy, Jay, and I went back to prof guy's house to watch The League. By that point, I was ready to pass out but tried to stay awake, but eventually just went to sleep at prof guy's house. Boy was that cab ride awkward the next morning.
"Okay... I guess I'll talk to you later.." "Uh... Sure..." Things like that.
But I was intrigued enough and apparently so was he, because we started texting a lot about things that were actually thought-provoking, and now I'm still hanging out with him.
What I've learned through all of this? Don't miss out on opportunities with people by getting involved in a serious relationship unless you're sure that your heart doesn't want anyone else. Also, don't let boys restrict the way you dress, act, or feel. Who cares if they don't like your outfit? Who cares if they don't like you? There are a million people out there who would think differently. Be confident, and enjoy being you. I've spent too much of my life being someone else for someone, and now it's time to be me and to find those who appreciate me for who I truly am.
I was texting Josh last night and asked him why he likes me and he said "I love your crazy personality, you always make me laugh, and you accept me as who I am."
Funny thing is I said the exact same thing back to him before when he asked me, but in different words. The thing is, we get each other. We know we're weirdos and it's funny. That's what I need. Someone who just sort of gets me.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Suddenly feeling inspired to talk about the New Year and my resolution.
I have several, but I feel like most of them revolve around this one:
"I resolve to eat clean."
Now clean eating is kind of a complicated thing, since people have a wide range of definitions for it, but for me it means to eat as much natural and unprocessed foods as I can and making sure that I fill my quotas for the food groups as specified by Canada's food guide. I'm not going to restrict myself entirely from fast food or chips or candy, because I know absolutely not eating it will make me more likely to binge on it after a while, but I am for sure going to keep it minimal, which means I refuse to buy it, but if I'm at someone's house, I'm probably not going to say no. It also means limiting desserts when I go out to eat and also portion control at meals.
It's strange that many of the fitness magazines, like Oxygen, talk about eating natural and unprocessed but have protein powders in so many of their meal plans. To me, protein powder isn't natural, especially since protein is abundant in meat eating diets. For me, protein powder might become a part of my diet since I don't eat meat and am not super into eating beans, nuts, and tofu everyday. Haha.
I also want to minimize my intake of alcohol, but it seems as though I'm just peaking in my drinking phase, so I'll leave that in the back of my mind when I go out.
Along with clean eating is exercise. Sure, I can feed myself super healthy foods, but I also want a nice body, and that means staying dedicated to living an active lifestyle. I want to get back into yoga. I want to go to the gym at least a few times a week before work. I also am supposed to be doing a rock climbing class or something with Rachelle and Shane which would be once a week.
Ballroom dancing and martial arts may have to wait.
I have several, but I feel like most of them revolve around this one:
"I resolve to eat clean."
Now clean eating is kind of a complicated thing, since people have a wide range of definitions for it, but for me it means to eat as much natural and unprocessed foods as I can and making sure that I fill my quotas for the food groups as specified by Canada's food guide. I'm not going to restrict myself entirely from fast food or chips or candy, because I know absolutely not eating it will make me more likely to binge on it after a while, but I am for sure going to keep it minimal, which means I refuse to buy it, but if I'm at someone's house, I'm probably not going to say no. It also means limiting desserts when I go out to eat and also portion control at meals.
It's strange that many of the fitness magazines, like Oxygen, talk about eating natural and unprocessed but have protein powders in so many of their meal plans. To me, protein powder isn't natural, especially since protein is abundant in meat eating diets. For me, protein powder might become a part of my diet since I don't eat meat and am not super into eating beans, nuts, and tofu everyday. Haha.
I also want to minimize my intake of alcohol, but it seems as though I'm just peaking in my drinking phase, so I'll leave that in the back of my mind when I go out.
Along with clean eating is exercise. Sure, I can feed myself super healthy foods, but I also want a nice body, and that means staying dedicated to living an active lifestyle. I want to get back into yoga. I want to go to the gym at least a few times a week before work. I also am supposed to be doing a rock climbing class or something with Rachelle and Shane which would be once a week.
Ballroom dancing and martial arts may have to wait.
Monday, December 26, 2011
I can't believe it. Another Christmas come and gone.
Another year has passed, and although I feel like so much has changed, I also feel as though nothing has changed.
Our family get togethers for Christmas are always the same. Wake up to smells of food from the kitchen, get dressed, take pictures, open presents, and then the guests arrive. We eat a big lunch, goof off for a couple of hours and then the guests start filtering out.
Big changes this year: Emily was here and really enjoyed herself and fit right in (especially with speaking Cantonese and playing Mahjong). We played Mahjong. Di yee came earlier this year. And I had to sleep on the couch since I was so generous and gave Emily my bed for Christmas Eve.
Now it's boxing day, and we've continued the Tony Roma's tradition. Haha. Big change this year with me being a vegetarian and everything. I ate a flatbread. Delicious.
I'm a grump since mother nature decided to give me her own kind of Christmas present. At least it was post Christmas Day.
I can't wait for the New Year. I want to make changes this coming year. And I know there's a lot waiting to happen.
'Get me through December, so I can start again'
Another year has passed, and although I feel like so much has changed, I also feel as though nothing has changed.
Our family get togethers for Christmas are always the same. Wake up to smells of food from the kitchen, get dressed, take pictures, open presents, and then the guests arrive. We eat a big lunch, goof off for a couple of hours and then the guests start filtering out.
Big changes this year: Emily was here and really enjoyed herself and fit right in (especially with speaking Cantonese and playing Mahjong). We played Mahjong. Di yee came earlier this year. And I had to sleep on the couch since I was so generous and gave Emily my bed for Christmas Eve.
Now it's boxing day, and we've continued the Tony Roma's tradition. Haha. Big change this year with me being a vegetarian and everything. I ate a flatbread. Delicious.
I'm a grump since mother nature decided to give me her own kind of Christmas present. At least it was post Christmas Day.
I can't wait for the New Year. I want to make changes this coming year. And I know there's a lot waiting to happen.
'Get me through December, so I can start again'
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Ugh. I hate waiting for the bus.
I can't wait to be going home soooon though!! :)
The dang bus isn't even here yet.
So Pat came to the greyhound station just to hang out with me for half an hour at 7 30 in the morning... I don't even understand what is up with that.
He is a creepy stalker who needs to be ignored in the near future so that I don't get annoyed.
In other news, didn't talk to Abdullah at all yesterday and left this morning without saying goodbye. Hahaha. He grosses me out to an extreme amount.
He came to 'apologize face to face' yesterday and I just ignore him knocking at my door. I half expected him to just open the door, and if that were the case, I would have gone absolutely ape shit on him. Good thing he didn't.
Ugh. The fact that I feel uncomfortable in my own apartment sucks. But what can I do. It's like Lister all over again. Plus he moved my shit around in the fridge... Who does that? Stupid stupid stupid.
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I can't wait to be going home soooon though!! :)
The dang bus isn't even here yet.
So Pat came to the greyhound station just to hang out with me for half an hour at 7 30 in the morning... I don't even understand what is up with that.
He is a creepy stalker who needs to be ignored in the near future so that I don't get annoyed.
In other news, didn't talk to Abdullah at all yesterday and left this morning without saying goodbye. Hahaha. He grosses me out to an extreme amount.
He came to 'apologize face to face' yesterday and I just ignore him knocking at my door. I half expected him to just open the door, and if that were the case, I would have gone absolutely ape shit on him. Good thing he didn't.
Ugh. The fact that I feel uncomfortable in my own apartment sucks. But what can I do. It's like Lister all over again. Plus he moved my shit around in the fridge... Who does that? Stupid stupid stupid.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Here's a not so funny story.
Last night I got home from going out for dinner with Rachelle and wanted to go to bed.
I lie down and then I try to fall asleep.
Two seconds later. Knock knock knock. My stupid fucking roommate decided he wanted to see if I was awake, so I don't answer because that's what you do when you want someone to leave you the fuck alone! And then he knocks again, and says Sarah? Then a minute later walks away into his room.
5 minutes later, same fucking thing!
If I didn't answer the first time, do you seriously think I would the second time? And he stays longer at the door this time too, saying Are you sleeping?
Finally he leaves, and then I get a fucking BBM from him, "Sleepin?" Ignored. I just want to go to bed you fucking idiot!
As if that weren't enough, he comes back 5 minutes later, and opens my door and sticks his head in.
Obviously, the lights are off, I'm going to bed. Stupid piece of shit. And instead of just leaving, he says, Sarah, are you sleeping?
At this point, I'm ready to beat the absolute shit out of him.
Here's what I said.
FUCK OFF. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
At least I said Please right? HAHA.
My roommate needs to learn to respect boundaries. I might be asking Jenn if I can put a lock on my door. I'm seriously pissed off.
When you knock on the door and I say Ya? It does not mean open the door and walk in. It means you may open the door a bit, ask your question, and leave. Or else you can ask to come in. It does not mean waltz into my fucking room.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.
Last night I got home from going out for dinner with Rachelle and wanted to go to bed.
I lie down and then I try to fall asleep.
Two seconds later. Knock knock knock. My stupid fucking roommate decided he wanted to see if I was awake, so I don't answer because that's what you do when you want someone to leave you the fuck alone! And then he knocks again, and says Sarah? Then a minute later walks away into his room.
5 minutes later, same fucking thing!
If I didn't answer the first time, do you seriously think I would the second time? And he stays longer at the door this time too, saying Are you sleeping?
Finally he leaves, and then I get a fucking BBM from him, "Sleepin?" Ignored. I just want to go to bed you fucking idiot!
As if that weren't enough, he comes back 5 minutes later, and opens my door and sticks his head in.
Obviously, the lights are off, I'm going to bed. Stupid piece of shit. And instead of just leaving, he says, Sarah, are you sleeping?
At this point, I'm ready to beat the absolute shit out of him.
Here's what I said.
FUCK OFF. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
At least I said Please right? HAHA.
My roommate needs to learn to respect boundaries. I might be asking Jenn if I can put a lock on my door. I'm seriously pissed off.
When you knock on the door and I say Ya? It does not mean open the door and walk in. It means you may open the door a bit, ask your question, and leave. Or else you can ask to come in. It does not mean waltz into my fucking room.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I had a fun day of shopping at West Ed, watching the Muppets, and going for Vietnamese food at the mall yesterday with Pat.
I hope I defined the boundaries enough with him.
When he picked me up, he got out of the car just to open the door for me, then paid for the movie and dinner, and walked me to the door when he dropped me off...
Does that mean he wants more, or is he just being a gentleman? Hmmmm.
I've clearly told him that I am already sort of seeing Josh, and that I'm only interested in white guys. Hahaha. I hope that's clear enough for him.
After that, I went to the Druid to watch the hockey game and also to play Bingo Tunes!! It's basically bingo, but instead of drawing numbers, there are songs on our cards that he plays and we have to know the song in order to cross it off our cards!
So much fun!
When we were about to leave, a bunch of guys tried to wheel us, and I wanted them to leave. They were gross and nerdy and annoying and had no good lines or conversation.
Right when we were about to leave, the last guy was like, how old are you all? We have a bet going on for all of you.
And Rachelle and I, of course, had to make this fun and told him that I was 24, she was 29, and the other two girls we were with were 18 and 22.
So then he was like, woah! We were waaaaay off! How does such a diverse age group know each other? And I laughed and said we worked together to which he replied Where?!
I kind of shrugged and looked at Rachelle and she took that as a cue to say... SHOWGIRLS.
To which he did not believe, and Rachelle pretended to be insulted, saying that he didn't think we were attractive enough to work there. HAHAHA.
But then it was really funny because Kelsey, who Rachelle lives with, didn't know we had told him that. So he asks her, Do you work at Showgirls? And she was completely and totally insulted! She took off her mittens and started boxing him. HILARIOUS!
Then we all went home, but I went to Joel's friend's house and played NHL, drank beers, and ate pizza with the boys and then walked home and slept.
What a fun night.
I hope I defined the boundaries enough with him.
When he picked me up, he got out of the car just to open the door for me, then paid for the movie and dinner, and walked me to the door when he dropped me off...
Does that mean he wants more, or is he just being a gentleman? Hmmmm.
I've clearly told him that I am already sort of seeing Josh, and that I'm only interested in white guys. Hahaha. I hope that's clear enough for him.
After that, I went to the Druid to watch the hockey game and also to play Bingo Tunes!! It's basically bingo, but instead of drawing numbers, there are songs on our cards that he plays and we have to know the song in order to cross it off our cards!
So much fun!
When we were about to leave, a bunch of guys tried to wheel us, and I wanted them to leave. They were gross and nerdy and annoying and had no good lines or conversation.
Right when we were about to leave, the last guy was like, how old are you all? We have a bet going on for all of you.
And Rachelle and I, of course, had to make this fun and told him that I was 24, she was 29, and the other two girls we were with were 18 and 22.
So then he was like, woah! We were waaaaay off! How does such a diverse age group know each other? And I laughed and said we worked together to which he replied Where?!
I kind of shrugged and looked at Rachelle and she took that as a cue to say... SHOWGIRLS.
To which he did not believe, and Rachelle pretended to be insulted, saying that he didn't think we were attractive enough to work there. HAHAHA.
But then it was really funny because Kelsey, who Rachelle lives with, didn't know we had told him that. So he asks her, Do you work at Showgirls? And she was completely and totally insulted! She took off her mittens and started boxing him. HILARIOUS!
Then we all went home, but I went to Joel's friend's house and played NHL, drank beers, and ate pizza with the boys and then walked home and slept.
What a fun night.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
"When a woman whispers her nonsense, whisper right back “I’m sterile” and have the most teared up, angry look in your eyes. 9/10, or more accurately, 93% of the time she will cry and run away, thinking some other guy she spread her slut legs before knocked her up."
-Derek Van Buren, Christwire found here
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I had the best night last night.
ABSOLUTELY THE BEST NIGHT EVER TO CELEBRATE BEING DONE SCHOOL.
We went to the Christmas Bureau's singalong lunch time caroling.
Then to the hospital to visit Jedd.
He is so emaciated, it's ridiculous. He has lost 30 pounds in probably just over a month.
He has colitis, which is an autoimmune disease that causes inflamed large intestine, so he is in a lot of pain, but his meds are starting to kick in, and he's slowly getting better.
It was really nice to see him, and I think he appreciated the visit.
Next, we (Shane, Wes, Rachelle, and I) went to Boston Pizza for fishbowl Friday. One fishbowl later (3 oz.), I was nice and tipsy and on my way to The Hat for dinner with Emily, Rachelle and Hayley.
It was such a cute little place. Long and narrow, dark with mood lighting, and some energetic music. A good crowd, GREAT company, delicious food (veggie blue cheese burger with fries), and a delicious drink (Green Apple Splash).
After dinner, Rachelle and I came back to my apartment to relax for a bit, and wait for Shane, Wes, and Joel to get to my place.
Rachelle passed out in my chair, and left soon after Joel and them arrived. She was just too tired to party on.
Joel, Shane, Wes, and I had so much fun! We just sat around talking, watching The League, and then waiting for a cab to take us to... DRUMROLL PLEASE!
DIAMONDS!
So much fun. We watched naked ladies, won magnets, posters, and pens, talked to randoms, and just had an overall good time. I loved every minute of it.
We took a cab home, and prof guy came over at 2 30 a.m.-ish. Haha. Like they say, nothing past two is ever good news. But it actually was!
We cuddled in my bed and talked for hours. For some reason I just could not sleep, so by 5 30, prof guy was exhausted and wanted to go home, so he left, and finally I was able to fall asleep for... 2 and a half hours. Now I'm wide awake and ready to go to work.
AWESOME. I love love love love my life.
ABSOLUTELY THE BEST NIGHT EVER TO CELEBRATE BEING DONE SCHOOL.
We went to the Christmas Bureau's singalong lunch time caroling.
Then to the hospital to visit Jedd.
He is so emaciated, it's ridiculous. He has lost 30 pounds in probably just over a month.
He has colitis, which is an autoimmune disease that causes inflamed large intestine, so he is in a lot of pain, but his meds are starting to kick in, and he's slowly getting better.
It was really nice to see him, and I think he appreciated the visit.
Next, we (Shane, Wes, Rachelle, and I) went to Boston Pizza for fishbowl Friday. One fishbowl later (3 oz.), I was nice and tipsy and on my way to The Hat for dinner with Emily, Rachelle and Hayley.
It was such a cute little place. Long and narrow, dark with mood lighting, and some energetic music. A good crowd, GREAT company, delicious food (veggie blue cheese burger with fries), and a delicious drink (Green Apple Splash).
After dinner, Rachelle and I came back to my apartment to relax for a bit, and wait for Shane, Wes, and Joel to get to my place.
Rachelle passed out in my chair, and left soon after Joel and them arrived. She was just too tired to party on.
Joel, Shane, Wes, and I had so much fun! We just sat around talking, watching The League, and then waiting for a cab to take us to... DRUMROLL PLEASE!
DIAMONDS!
So much fun. We watched naked ladies, won magnets, posters, and pens, talked to randoms, and just had an overall good time. I loved every minute of it.
We took a cab home, and prof guy came over at 2 30 a.m.-ish. Haha. Like they say, nothing past two is ever good news. But it actually was!
We cuddled in my bed and talked for hours. For some reason I just could not sleep, so by 5 30, prof guy was exhausted and wanted to go home, so he left, and finally I was able to fall asleep for... 2 and a half hours. Now I'm wide awake and ready to go to work.
AWESOME. I love love love love my life.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Last exam!!!!
In 4 hours, I'm going to be done exams, school, class, etc. for 20 months!
That is so exciting to me.
Honestly, I'm at the point where I don't even really care about school anymore.
This exam, I'm probably going to write as fast as I possibly can and then fly outta there.
There is a concert at the Winspear at 12, so I almost want to just say screw it to my exam and leave at 11 30 so that I can get there in time to enjoy the Christmas carols!
Found out Jedd is in the hospital for colonitis, so Shane, Wes, and I are going to visit him there.
Then who knows what the heck I'm going to do.
Drink my face off. Obviously. But other than that, I'm not sure where we're going.
I am so excited to be done!!!!
DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!
I'm going to ace this bitch and celebrate.
YEAAAAAAAAAH BUDDDDYYYYYYYY!
In 4 hours, I'm going to be done exams, school, class, etc. for 20 months!
That is so exciting to me.
Honestly, I'm at the point where I don't even really care about school anymore.
This exam, I'm probably going to write as fast as I possibly can and then fly outta there.
There is a concert at the Winspear at 12, so I almost want to just say screw it to my exam and leave at 11 30 so that I can get there in time to enjoy the Christmas carols!
Found out Jedd is in the hospital for colonitis, so Shane, Wes, and I are going to visit him there.
Then who knows what the heck I'm going to do.
Drink my face off. Obviously. But other than that, I'm not sure where we're going.
I am so excited to be done!!!!
DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!
I'm going to ace this bitch and celebrate.
YEAAAAAAAAAH BUDDDDYYYYYYYY!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Ha! I must be the silliest girl of all time.
But... here's the story for today:
Wrote exam.
Got home from exam.
Studied a bit.
Took a 2 and a half hour nap.
Studied some more.
Got a text "I was going to ask you if you want to go for fro yo, but you're probably busy studying."
Um.. Who am I to refuse free fro yo? So I sent back "It's an open book exam, I have time."
Prof guy came and got me at the apartment and we walked to Tutti Frutti and got some delicious frozen yogurt.
We wandered around and chatted and ate our desserts, then he came and watched TV (the Real World) with me for a bit.
After my nap, I was already over the whole yesterday thing, after being distracted by it ALL morning (including in my exam). But when we were watching TV, he apologized for yesterday.
He took all the blame, and said it really shouldn't have happened.
(HA! I WIN!)
I had to get back to studying, so he left soon after.
And then I skyped Josh. Haha. Juggling guys? That's totally my thing right?
Hmmmm...
But... here's the story for today:
Wrote exam.
Got home from exam.
Studied a bit.
Took a 2 and a half hour nap.
Studied some more.
Got a text "I was going to ask you if you want to go for fro yo, but you're probably busy studying."
Um.. Who am I to refuse free fro yo? So I sent back "It's an open book exam, I have time."
Prof guy came and got me at the apartment and we walked to Tutti Frutti and got some delicious frozen yogurt.
We wandered around and chatted and ate our desserts, then he came and watched TV (the Real World) with me for a bit.
After my nap, I was already over the whole yesterday thing, after being distracted by it ALL morning (including in my exam). But when we were watching TV, he apologized for yesterday.
He took all the blame, and said it really shouldn't have happened.
(HA! I WIN!)
I had to get back to studying, so he left soon after.
And then I skyped Josh. Haha. Juggling guys? That's totally my thing right?
Hmmmm...
FACK!!! Exam did not go as planned.
Had 2 minutes left and then realized I screwed up a whole question. Not good!
Then I tried to fix it and ran out of time, erased the wrong thing, and then had to rewrite a bit when time was up, and now I'm scared my exam won't get marked because it is officially against the rules to keep writing after he says Time's up... Uh oh.
I guess we'll see how the marking goes. I hope I did okay and that he doesn't give me a 0...
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Had 2 minutes left and then realized I screwed up a whole question. Not good!
Then I tried to fix it and ran out of time, erased the wrong thing, and then had to rewrite a bit when time was up, and now I'm scared my exam won't get marked because it is officially against the rules to keep writing after he says Time's up... Uh oh.
I guess we'll see how the marking goes. I hope I did okay and that he doesn't give me a 0...
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Here's the thing about prof guy.
Sometimes we hang out and it is wonderfully fun and awesome.
Other times we hang out and all I want to do is knock his teeth out.
Those awesome times make it worth it.
And those horrible times make me want to stop this whole thing.
I'm done with drama in relationships.
I'm done with fighting about stupid things.
I'm done with crying about a boy.
The reason that we sometimes butt heads is that we're both super stubborn and I'm accustomed to always being right (which I am) haha.
He puts up a really good fight though and I'm pretty sure he's actually more bent on being right than I am, and usually when I'm just sick of fighting, he's ready for round two.
I'm used to pushovers and non-whiny people that I can manipulate and have the upper hand with, and he's not one of those people.
I don't need him to be one, but I need him to fight less. I think it might be a bit of the age thing, that he feels like he knows more just because he is older. It's getting to me, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with it anymore.
Like yesterday, he came over for like 20 minutes. I invited him to my apartment just to see him quickly because I won't get to see him again until probably Sunday (if I decide to see him on Sunday which is looking not so good right now). He came over and just acted awkward and distant the whole time, like he didn't really want to be here, and that he wasn't really pleased that he HAD to be here. So I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go for a walk so I decided to make him go for a walk with me, and all he did was complain. Although he only made like 2 comments about it being cold or that he was freezing his butt off, his body language was 100% "ugh, I'm so annoyed". So we were by Wes' house and I left my booze there so I decided to pick it up since we were close by, and then I called her and grabbed it, but apparently, I 'put my hand up' and 'shunned' him so he didn't know what to do. From then on, he was like super annoyed by me, so our walk was like 2 minutes (I exaggerate, it was more like 5). And then we were walking back up the stairs in my apartment, and he was like, well I think I'm gonna go. And I was like fine, whatever, because at that point I was just done. Done with the idea of even seeing him. Since when is a 34 year old man so sensitive and whiny? They're supposed to have learned to deal by now. And then he was like annoyed because I just kind of walked up the stairs without saying goodbye or anything due to my frustration, so I told him exactly why I was frustrated and he just stood there with nothing to say. So we just said, no drama, we'll just get past it.
So... then he texted me, and said that he 'felt uncomfortable and was nervous about coming over', so I asked why, and he said he'd explain over the phone.
So he called me, and proceeded to say that basically it was my fault for 'shunning' him when I went to get my booze. Why did he feel uncomfortable? Guess what? He didn't have a reason.. he just... did. SO FRUSTRATING! So we basically argued about how it was his fault for being so distant and unwilling to participate in a walk with me, while he complained that it was my fault for shunning him, and I get where he's coming from, but when you're already acting like a dickwad, I'm not going to pay attention to you. And he did not, absolutely did not accept the fact that part of it was his fault for being so annoyed and awkward the whole time. By the end of the phone conversation, we'd moved on though, and he seems to think I really like him. I mean, I like him, but I can't say I really like him, not after yesterday.
He also said that things are progressing really fast. LIKE WTF. We've hung out a few times and had fun. I don't think that's out of the ordinary...
Oh well. I'll just mostly ignore him for like, the next week or so, and then after that, I'll see if I even care that he isn't part of my life. If yes, then I'll make an effort to see him. If no, I'm just going to end it.
And then finally, let me just say that I absolutely like Josh A LOT. I know it's silly because I've barely hung out with him, and I haven't seen him in over a month, but I talk to him on skype every once in a while and he is just silly and cute and fun, and I feel really relaxed when I talk to him, because I know he isn't judging me, and he isn't taking anything too seriously. And I'm so excited to see him. I can't wait to see him.
That's the thing, prof guy takes shit wayyyy to seriously, and it's not like he says anything about it, but I can feel it. Like you know when someone has a really negative aura, and it just rubs off on you, that's exactly how it feels every time he gets annoyed or whatever it is. And I am influenced by these moods so much. I always have been. It's frustrating to be so serious all the time. I just want to have fun, and he overreacts at way to much. Maybe I do too, but I get over it pretty quickly, but he dwells. He says he doesn't, but he definitely does.
December 23rd. I get to go home and have a break from this Edmonton life. Well I feel like my break starts on Friday when I finish exams. But I get to see Josh on the 23rd, Bretton and Layla hopefully on the 24th, and of course I'm super excited to see the family on the 23rd!
Side note, I screwed myself over on this exam today. I had all day yesterday to study, but procrastinated until about 9:30 last night to study, and I don't feel prepared at all. It's not going to be the greatest exam, let me just say that.
Sometimes we hang out and it is wonderfully fun and awesome.
Other times we hang out and all I want to do is knock his teeth out.
Those awesome times make it worth it.
And those horrible times make me want to stop this whole thing.
I'm done with drama in relationships.
I'm done with fighting about stupid things.
I'm done with crying about a boy.
The reason that we sometimes butt heads is that we're both super stubborn and I'm accustomed to always being right (which I am) haha.
He puts up a really good fight though and I'm pretty sure he's actually more bent on being right than I am, and usually when I'm just sick of fighting, he's ready for round two.
I'm used to pushovers and non-whiny people that I can manipulate and have the upper hand with, and he's not one of those people.
I don't need him to be one, but I need him to fight less. I think it might be a bit of the age thing, that he feels like he knows more just because he is older. It's getting to me, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with it anymore.
Like yesterday, he came over for like 20 minutes. I invited him to my apartment just to see him quickly because I won't get to see him again until probably Sunday (if I decide to see him on Sunday which is looking not so good right now). He came over and just acted awkward and distant the whole time, like he didn't really want to be here, and that he wasn't really pleased that he HAD to be here. So I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go for a walk so I decided to make him go for a walk with me, and all he did was complain. Although he only made like 2 comments about it being cold or that he was freezing his butt off, his body language was 100% "ugh, I'm so annoyed". So we were by Wes' house and I left my booze there so I decided to pick it up since we were close by, and then I called her and grabbed it, but apparently, I 'put my hand up' and 'shunned' him so he didn't know what to do. From then on, he was like super annoyed by me, so our walk was like 2 minutes (I exaggerate, it was more like 5). And then we were walking back up the stairs in my apartment, and he was like, well I think I'm gonna go. And I was like fine, whatever, because at that point I was just done. Done with the idea of even seeing him. Since when is a 34 year old man so sensitive and whiny? They're supposed to have learned to deal by now. And then he was like annoyed because I just kind of walked up the stairs without saying goodbye or anything due to my frustration, so I told him exactly why I was frustrated and he just stood there with nothing to say. So we just said, no drama, we'll just get past it.
So... then he texted me, and said that he 'felt uncomfortable and was nervous about coming over', so I asked why, and he said he'd explain over the phone.
So he called me, and proceeded to say that basically it was my fault for 'shunning' him when I went to get my booze. Why did he feel uncomfortable? Guess what? He didn't have a reason.. he just... did. SO FRUSTRATING! So we basically argued about how it was his fault for being so distant and unwilling to participate in a walk with me, while he complained that it was my fault for shunning him, and I get where he's coming from, but when you're already acting like a dickwad, I'm not going to pay attention to you. And he did not, absolutely did not accept the fact that part of it was his fault for being so annoyed and awkward the whole time. By the end of the phone conversation, we'd moved on though, and he seems to think I really like him. I mean, I like him, but I can't say I really like him, not after yesterday.
He also said that things are progressing really fast. LIKE WTF. We've hung out a few times and had fun. I don't think that's out of the ordinary...
Oh well. I'll just mostly ignore him for like, the next week or so, and then after that, I'll see if I even care that he isn't part of my life. If yes, then I'll make an effort to see him. If no, I'm just going to end it.
And then finally, let me just say that I absolutely like Josh A LOT. I know it's silly because I've barely hung out with him, and I haven't seen him in over a month, but I talk to him on skype every once in a while and he is just silly and cute and fun, and I feel really relaxed when I talk to him, because I know he isn't judging me, and he isn't taking anything too seriously. And I'm so excited to see him. I can't wait to see him.
That's the thing, prof guy takes shit wayyyy to seriously, and it's not like he says anything about it, but I can feel it. Like you know when someone has a really negative aura, and it just rubs off on you, that's exactly how it feels every time he gets annoyed or whatever it is. And I am influenced by these moods so much. I always have been. It's frustrating to be so serious all the time. I just want to have fun, and he overreacts at way to much. Maybe I do too, but I get over it pretty quickly, but he dwells. He says he doesn't, but he definitely does.
December 23rd. I get to go home and have a break from this Edmonton life. Well I feel like my break starts on Friday when I finish exams. But I get to see Josh on the 23rd, Bretton and Layla hopefully on the 24th, and of course I'm super excited to see the family on the 23rd!
Side note, I screwed myself over on this exam today. I had all day yesterday to study, but procrastinated until about 9:30 last night to study, and I don't feel prepared at all. It's not going to be the greatest exam, let me just say that.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Today is only Tuesday, but I'm already dreaming of Friday.
I finish exams on Friday, and surprisingly, although I really want to drink my face off, I'm actually going to a Christmas caroling sing-along at the Winspear to watch some of my choir mates sing along with a lot of people from several different choirs from around the city.
Nothing is going to warm my heart like the beautiful melodies of Christmas sang by gifted musicians with harmonies so dissonant that they give me the shivers.
I want to be moved to tears from pure happiness at the event.
I love Christmas. I love the way it makes people busy busy yet happy.
I got so many hugs last night at the choir Christmas party after rehearsal.
I love it. People get cheerful and remember to cherish their family at this time of year.
Since I'm so excited for the weekend, here's the plan:
Friday- exam, concert, drink drink drink, dinner with the girls, On the Rocks?, DIAMONDS!
Saturday- work, volunteer, recover from craziness, hang out with Rachelle and roomies
Sunday- work, nap, CHRISTMAS MOVIES, cuddle with Prof guy on bed while listening to Christmas music under the Christmas lights and candles
:D
I finish exams on Friday, and surprisingly, although I really want to drink my face off, I'm actually going to a Christmas caroling sing-along at the Winspear to watch some of my choir mates sing along with a lot of people from several different choirs from around the city.
Nothing is going to warm my heart like the beautiful melodies of Christmas sang by gifted musicians with harmonies so dissonant that they give me the shivers.
I want to be moved to tears from pure happiness at the event.
I love Christmas. I love the way it makes people busy busy yet happy.
I got so many hugs last night at the choir Christmas party after rehearsal.
I love it. People get cheerful and remember to cherish their family at this time of year.
Since I'm so excited for the weekend, here's the plan:
Friday- exam, concert, drink drink drink, dinner with the girls, On the Rocks?, DIAMONDS!
Saturday- work, volunteer, recover from craziness, hang out with Rachelle and roomies
Sunday- work, nap, CHRISTMAS MOVIES, cuddle with Prof guy on bed while listening to Christmas music under the Christmas lights and candles
:D
Monday, December 12, 2011
I've been listening to Christmas music all day and it has been so wonderful.
This song is one of my favorites. Kokopelli sang it on Saturday night, and then I was reminded of it when it played on the radio today. It is absolutely gorgeous.
It reminds me of the hard times when I feel all alone from being locked inside due to the cold and have no one beside me.
This song is one of my favorites. Kokopelli sang it on Saturday night, and then I was reminded of it when it played on the radio today. It is absolutely gorgeous.
It reminds me of the hard times when I feel all alone from being locked inside due to the cold and have no one beside me.
NAILED IT!!
First exam went really well.
Only 4 more. Tomorrow's and Wednesday's I need to study a lot for.
The last two are open book and I am less than concerned for them.
Favorite part of today? The fact that I got to get in a good workout, and that I walked home from school with a shit-eating grin on my face.
I'm sure a lot of people got laughs from me waltzing down the sidewalk like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman when the song is playing "Raindrops are falling on my head..."
AWESOME.
Not only does doing this make me happy, I'm sure I'm putting smiles on a lot of other people's faces as well. That's what makes it all worth it.
First exam went really well.
Only 4 more. Tomorrow's and Wednesday's I need to study a lot for.
The last two are open book and I am less than concerned for them.
Favorite part of today? The fact that I got to get in a good workout, and that I walked home from school with a shit-eating grin on my face.
I'm sure a lot of people got laughs from me waltzing down the sidewalk like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman when the song is playing "Raindrops are falling on my head..."
AWESOME.
Not only does doing this make me happy, I'm sure I'm putting smiles on a lot of other people's faces as well. That's what makes it all worth it.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Today was a pretty darn good day.
Stayed over at prof guy's home last night after the concert and feast of Wok Box food.
Got a nutritiously mooched breakfast at his home.
Two slices of toast, grapes, and pineapple :)
AND a glass of milk!
I got home around 12 30 and then took a shower and studied until 3 30-ish.
Then I took a nap and rested until about 5 30. Then studied until about 10.
Then I took a break to watch Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures on my Video on Demand.
It has one of the Ashmore twins!
Time to quickly skim through some powerpoints, then off to bed and exam tomorrow!
I feel very prepared for this exam, so I hope it goes well. :S
Stayed over at prof guy's home last night after the concert and feast of Wok Box food.
Got a nutritiously mooched breakfast at his home.
Two slices of toast, grapes, and pineapple :)
AND a glass of milk!
I got home around 12 30 and then took a shower and studied until 3 30-ish.
Then I took a nap and rested until about 5 30. Then studied until about 10.
Then I took a break to watch Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures on my Video on Demand.
It has one of the Ashmore twins!
Time to quickly skim through some powerpoints, then off to bed and exam tomorrow!
I feel very prepared for this exam, so I hope it goes well. :S
Saturday, December 10, 2011
I just got out of the Kokopelli Christmas concert! It was so amazing!
I love the sound of many voices filling up a giant church.
The atmosphere of people who love music going to appreciate music.
The energy that stems from the choir.
And the return of energy from the crowd.
It's the feeling of a concert. A real, true concert.
I love the sound of many voices filling up a giant church.
The atmosphere of people who love music going to appreciate music.
The energy that stems from the choir.
And the return of energy from the crowd.
It's the feeling of a concert. A real, true concert.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
I think it's times like these where I debate whether or not to continue the way I've been living my life.
I felt so carefree. So happy.
Now everything is starting to not seem so happy. Things are starting to break down in my head and are slowly making me more and more tired and weary of this life that I've been living.
Why is it that I go to school for engineering when I can't see myself in a career as one. And why do I continue to play around with several guys when in reality, I don't know if I want any of them.
Tonight I talked about my relationship with Zach to prof guy and it made me want to bawl my eyes out. I'd never really gone in depth as to why it didn't work out, and finally talking about it made me extremely sad.
I've become dependent on other people. To feel self-worth, when in reality, self-worth should come from myself. Although I am happy to spend time alone and I continually love myself, I can't help but to feel unloved until someone else takes interest in me.
Why is it that I have such a hard time being independent, when I know that's what I really need the most?
My life is a mess. I'm happy in it... Well mostly, but for some reason, I feel a hole. Something is missing and I need to fill that void.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
I felt so carefree. So happy.
Now everything is starting to not seem so happy. Things are starting to break down in my head and are slowly making me more and more tired and weary of this life that I've been living.
Why is it that I go to school for engineering when I can't see myself in a career as one. And why do I continue to play around with several guys when in reality, I don't know if I want any of them.
Tonight I talked about my relationship with Zach to prof guy and it made me want to bawl my eyes out. I'd never really gone in depth as to why it didn't work out, and finally talking about it made me extremely sad.
I've become dependent on other people. To feel self-worth, when in reality, self-worth should come from myself. Although I am happy to spend time alone and I continually love myself, I can't help but to feel unloved until someone else takes interest in me.
Why is it that I have such a hard time being independent, when I know that's what I really need the most?
My life is a mess. I'm happy in it... Well mostly, but for some reason, I feel a hole. Something is missing and I need to fill that void.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconscio usly I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. — At least, in the eyes of our son—- I'm a loving husband…. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." <3
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Funny how the mind tricks memories into what you want to see.
The drawing did not contain a man wearing a checkered shirt, but rather a pin striped one.
Visit Dominique Blackwell's site.
Her drawings are gorgeous.
http://dominiqueblackwell.carbonmade.com/projects/3053855#10
The drawing did not contain a man wearing a checkered shirt, but rather a pin striped one.
Visit Dominique Blackwell's site.
Her drawings are gorgeous.
http://dominiqueblackwell.carbonmade.com/projects/3053855#10
I was watching this confession video on youtube.
And it made me so sad.
Why is it that kids want to kill themselves at such a young age.
When I was younger, I remember being bullied by one of my classmates over msn.
I remember feeling miserable about it. And it's so sad that people have this hatred in them, a part of them that wants to hurt someone else.
I was working out the other day, and there was this beautiful girl.
But the one thing I noticed about her was that she was almost too skinny to be that naturally skinny.
She works out every morning. And I thought, this seems like the type of girl to have an eating disorder/insecurity. So I was discretely (at least I hope) watching her, and noticed that all along her arms were scars. Cut after cut after cut.
And it made me just so sad to see that people don't appreciate their own beauty.
Why is there so much sadness in the world? So much hate?
Oh my gosh! The art show was so much fun!
I went to the Fine Art of Schmoozy with Prof guy last night at Latitude 53 downtown.
He picked me up around 9 and we drove down to the venue.
When we got inside, I was a little bit disappointed. There wasn't any magnificent decor, or any cool party vibe, but instead, it seemed a little bit awkward. There were 3 sort of separate rooms, all with art all over the walls, free gelato, and the walls were white with dimmer lighting except on the paintings.
We checked our coats, were astonished by free champagne (which I did not have any of), and proceeded to grab a program and look at the artwork.
Before I even started to look at the art, I realized I was amongst an extremely diverse group of people.
It was really cool to see artsy fartsy kids there, super hipster kids, older aged well-versed and established men, 'normal' people, and students. It was amazing to see such a strange group of people all brought together to enjoy some fine art, hors d'ouevres, music, and the company of others. I was perfectly dressed. There were lots of people in full dresses, people in jeans, people in big plaid shirts, etc. So I fit right in! Prof guy wore chucks, dark jeans, a checkered black and white shirt, a black tie, and a sweater over top.
After about 15 minutes there, I started to settle in and feel comfortable.
The art was eccentric to say the least. Some was absolutely beautiful in a very straightforward way, while some was mesmerizing, and some was just plain weird. I particularly enjoyed 3 of them. One was a sort of abstract type of painting, by Liz Ingram. I couldn't stop looking at it.
The second was a painting of an empty living room, save an empty love seat and recliner. It drew a lot of sadness from me.
Last was a drawing of a man sitting. He was wearing a checkered shirt and jeans, and the part of him that you could see was mid-upper body to knees. It was just really pretty to look at.
Prof guy really enjoyed 2 of the pieces, and bid on them. One was a large black on black painting of a man's face, and the other was this... piece of weirdo-ness...
Which he ended up bringing home for 150 bucks at the end of the night.
Why the night was so fun?? I met some of prof guy's old friends. Got to drink wine and look at art and feel like a girl from a movie going on a sophisticated date in New York. Had awesome conversation with Prof guy, and got to assist him in outbidding the other girl who also wanted this print.
After the show, we went to Red Star and grabbed a few drinks, talked about family and just generally got to know each other better!
He is a really cool guy. Down to earth, smart, funny, and what got me the most was that he had the opportunity to work for huge advertising companies, but turned it down to work at Grant Mac so that he could have more of a life outside of work even though he would have a significantly lower salary. It was nice to know that a 'successful' guy still chose living life to enjoy life over money.
He told me he was intrigued by me, since I seem to have my shit figured out at the young age of 21. He told me he wished he had gotten to the point in life that I am at when he was younger. He basically said I'm beyond my age in maturity and he was amazed by me and my take on life. The fact that I appreciate all that I've been given, and that I take time to do so much more in life than go to school unlike so many other people my age.
I went to the Fine Art of Schmoozy with Prof guy last night at Latitude 53 downtown.
He picked me up around 9 and we drove down to the venue.
When we got inside, I was a little bit disappointed. There wasn't any magnificent decor, or any cool party vibe, but instead, it seemed a little bit awkward. There were 3 sort of separate rooms, all with art all over the walls, free gelato, and the walls were white with dimmer lighting except on the paintings.
We checked our coats, were astonished by free champagne (which I did not have any of), and proceeded to grab a program and look at the artwork.
Before I even started to look at the art, I realized I was amongst an extremely diverse group of people.
It was really cool to see artsy fartsy kids there, super hipster kids, older aged well-versed and established men, 'normal' people, and students. It was amazing to see such a strange group of people all brought together to enjoy some fine art, hors d'ouevres, music, and the company of others. I was perfectly dressed. There were lots of people in full dresses, people in jeans, people in big plaid shirts, etc. So I fit right in! Prof guy wore chucks, dark jeans, a checkered black and white shirt, a black tie, and a sweater over top.
After about 15 minutes there, I started to settle in and feel comfortable.
The art was eccentric to say the least. Some was absolutely beautiful in a very straightforward way, while some was mesmerizing, and some was just plain weird. I particularly enjoyed 3 of them. One was a sort of abstract type of painting, by Liz Ingram. I couldn't stop looking at it.
The second was a painting of an empty living room, save an empty love seat and recliner. It drew a lot of sadness from me.
Last was a drawing of a man sitting. He was wearing a checkered shirt and jeans, and the part of him that you could see was mid-upper body to knees. It was just really pretty to look at.
Prof guy really enjoyed 2 of the pieces, and bid on them. One was a large black on black painting of a man's face, and the other was this... piece of weirdo-ness...
Which he ended up bringing home for 150 bucks at the end of the night.
Why the night was so fun?? I met some of prof guy's old friends. Got to drink wine and look at art and feel like a girl from a movie going on a sophisticated date in New York. Had awesome conversation with Prof guy, and got to assist him in outbidding the other girl who also wanted this print.
After the show, we went to Red Star and grabbed a few drinks, talked about family and just generally got to know each other better!
He is a really cool guy. Down to earth, smart, funny, and what got me the most was that he had the opportunity to work for huge advertising companies, but turned it down to work at Grant Mac so that he could have more of a life outside of work even though he would have a significantly lower salary. It was nice to know that a 'successful' guy still chose living life to enjoy life over money.
He told me he was intrigued by me, since I seem to have my shit figured out at the young age of 21. He told me he wished he had gotten to the point in life that I am at when he was younger. He basically said I'm beyond my age in maturity and he was amazed by me and my take on life. The fact that I appreciate all that I've been given, and that I take time to do so much more in life than go to school unlike so many other people my age.
Friday, December 2, 2011
I love how I am making disgusting faces in each of these. I am pretty much going to wear the black skirt and black boots, but I have purple tights which I'm wearing in the first picture, transparent black ones like in the rest, or opaque ones which I don't have in any picture. Now I don't know which top to wear! Let me know which one looks the best to you :)
I've just started reading a book called 'How the Rich are Destroying the Earth' by Hervé Kempf, and I haven't gotten past the forward and I already have to quote something:
People aspire to lift themselves up the social ladder, which happens through imitation of the superior class's consumption habits. Thus, the oligarchy diffuses its ideology of waste throughout the whole society.
These sentences ring true to a lot of situations that I have had the chance of observing. Something I hear almost every time I hear a group of people talking, is the phrase "I wish I were rich". Wealth is a common desire, as proven through experience, having money makes life a lot easier. But why rich? Why is it that people are so absorbed in becoming rich, that they can no longer be content in just being moderately wealthy while living life with since they can easily their basic needs and more?
Ask your basic student or middle class citizen. What would you do if you were rich? I bet you a good majority would say something to the extent of: donating a portion to charity, sharing with a few friends or family, and then the rest would be spent on material goods. Things like cars, big houses, hot tubs, luxury vacation to a tropical place, and the list goes on.
And then now ask a rich person why they need that ridiculously large mansion, or that Lambourgini. I bet you the answer doesn't begin with the idea that those objects are practical.
Too often on television, we see families of maybe 4 or 5 people living in these homes that include an outdoor pool, an entertainment room (maybe a private movie theatre), pool tables, and more. But how often do we see these families even using these facilities. More often than not, they act like decorations, and I would say a good portion of families in reality actually treat these the same way.
So why is it, then, that we put so much emphasis on these material goods? It all stems from the display of wealth being socially acceptable and also sought after. I don't mean to over generalize, but I will, when I say that people want to be rich so they can show off their wealth and not so that they can make practical use of their money.
Example: Zach's dad buys Zach a car. I convince Zach to buy the fuel efficient engine because of the environmental situation. Zach drives car home and whines to me that he is disappointed in the vehicle. That is a 30 thousand dollar vehicle that he is receiving as a gift, and he is disappointed in it. Take a moment to grasp that. Now, the reason why he is upset? The vehicle does not feel 'powerful' enough.
Yet another thing that people with wealth desire. To feel powerful.
I don't understand.
People aspire to lift themselves up the social ladder, which happens through imitation of the superior class's consumption habits. Thus, the oligarchy diffuses its ideology of waste throughout the whole society.
These sentences ring true to a lot of situations that I have had the chance of observing. Something I hear almost every time I hear a group of people talking, is the phrase "I wish I were rich". Wealth is a common desire, as proven through experience, having money makes life a lot easier. But why rich? Why is it that people are so absorbed in becoming rich, that they can no longer be content in just being moderately wealthy while living life with since they can easily their basic needs and more?
Ask your basic student or middle class citizen. What would you do if you were rich? I bet you a good majority would say something to the extent of: donating a portion to charity, sharing with a few friends or family, and then the rest would be spent on material goods. Things like cars, big houses, hot tubs, luxury vacation to a tropical place, and the list goes on.
And then now ask a rich person why they need that ridiculously large mansion, or that Lambourgini. I bet you the answer doesn't begin with the idea that those objects are practical.
Too often on television, we see families of maybe 4 or 5 people living in these homes that include an outdoor pool, an entertainment room (maybe a private movie theatre), pool tables, and more. But how often do we see these families even using these facilities. More often than not, they act like decorations, and I would say a good portion of families in reality actually treat these the same way.
So why is it, then, that we put so much emphasis on these material goods? It all stems from the display of wealth being socially acceptable and also sought after. I don't mean to over generalize, but I will, when I say that people want to be rich so they can show off their wealth and not so that they can make practical use of their money.
Example: Zach's dad buys Zach a car. I convince Zach to buy the fuel efficient engine because of the environmental situation. Zach drives car home and whines to me that he is disappointed in the vehicle. That is a 30 thousand dollar vehicle that he is receiving as a gift, and he is disappointed in it. Take a moment to grasp that. Now, the reason why he is upset? The vehicle does not feel 'powerful' enough.
Yet another thing that people with wealth desire. To feel powerful.
I don't understand.
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