AH! Crazy busy week and all I want to do is nothing at all!
To do list:
Purchase travel insurance
Finish work term paper
Hang out with Elizabeth (YAY!!!!!)
Hang out with Shane and the other boys
Pack up room
Move out
Birthday celebration!!

I leave in less than 2 weeks. OMG. This is insane.

JULIAN SMITH - Beached Whale

Somehow this label just doesn't seem quite right for a Guava Tea serving...
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BAH. I was so excited when Shane wasn't sure that he was going to come to Australia. I thought that almost for sure meant that he wouldn't be coming.
Now he is coming, which means he probably wants to get together while we are there.
I feel like I've truly outgrown him.
He went from being depressed to being normal-ish to being a 16 year old getting into drugs. It's awful. All he talks about is how awesome the drugged up music festivals he went to were.
I asked him today what made him finally decide to go to Australia, and he said that he was convinced during an acid trip that he took while at Shamballah.
OH BOY. Sooooo don't need to deal with that. Blah.

BoredShortsTV - Kid Snippets: Accident

So close to leaving for Aus!
I don't think Shane will end up coming.
Ahhhhhhh!!! Trip alone? Isn't that what I wanted to begin with! Hehe.
Check out the blog I've started for when I leave: http://www.journeytothelandofaus.wordpress.com
:)
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Guaranteed pass on the history exam. Hello piano certificate :)
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Colder Weather-Zac Brown Band cover by Mitch Rossell

Rachelle is leaving in less than a week.
I am actually really sad about being apart from her for a year.
Somehow we get along so well even though I've had my difficulties with her.
It's like, we never text unless we're going to hang out, but then when we hang out, we can talk forever and ever and make fun of people and have fun doing whatever.
Best friends material.
I'm going to miss her when she leaves.
I'm going to miss everyone so much when I leave.

All right. Here is the lowdown.
I had a huge crush on Chad, realized he is an alcoholic so decided to be just friends with him.
We sometimes have completely innocent sleepovers. We hang out at his hotel and drink and then sleep in the same bed but don't do anything sexual. AT ALL. Gross. He got fat and is an alcoholic. Friend material only.
So sometimes he will be sad or whatever so I'll go hang out with him even though he is smashed.
Then suddenly I went through this phase, I think it started about a month ago, where I started noticing how absolutely shitty people are. There are people in my life that don't make an effort to hang out with me, are completely selfish in that they only talk to me about themselves and don't acknowledge when I try to share my miseries with them, and won't do anything unless it is everything they want to do.
Now all of a sudden, everything about everyone bothers me! Except for my really close friends and family, I hate pretty much everyone. I go around thinking 'blah, you are so selfish, or stupid or whatever it is that is a flaw in them.' I'm really good at acting like nothing is wrong while I'm with them, but as soon as I am alone again, I start thinking about how awful they are! Maybe I'm just ready to leave this place, or maybe I've suddenly become a hermit.
Anyways, now I've been confronting Chad about how much I dislike pretty much 100% of things about him even though I'm friends with him. You know that friend that you despise when you're not around them but when you hang out, you have a ton of fun? That's him. I need to rant, so here it is:
He thinks money rules the world.
He won't ever come hang out with me closer to my place because he is a selfish prick.
He complains about being fat even though he eats like a large pizza, drinks a ton, and doesn't exercise and also smokes.
He acts like he is the greatest and smartest person ever and doesn't ever admit he is wrong.
BLAH.
That is all I can get out right now. All in all, why do I hang out with people who piss me off? I don't know. Sighhhh.

Selfish friends.
Fuck them.
That is all :)
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Question of the day:

Who are you?
I am an insecure yet confident woman who acts like a girl and perceives the world in a way that is uniquely hers.

I love my life.
I love my life.
I love my life.
I love my life.
I truly do.
After an awesome weekend in Drumheller, a really good day, and driving with the window rolled down and feeling the breeze, I feel so happy with everything.
I'm so lucky to have what I have, and even luckier that I realize that I'm so blessed.

And the countdown suddenly becomes reality.
In t-one month, I'll be having my last day in Canada for almost a year.
Absolutely insane.
But now is when all the stress starts hitting me.
I need a tax file number, bank statements, I need to buy my ticket, etc.
CRAY CRAY.
I need to pack my bags. I need to throw away my old life in hopes of starting fresh and forgetting all the drama and stress of Edmonton and Red Deer.
I can't wait yet I'm dreading it.

The discontentment with my body that I am currently experiencing is super uncomfortable.
I have gained about 10 pounds in the last two or three months and I feel it on my body.
With the amount of working I've been doing, I've lost track of working out, and eating healthy.
I eat bags of chips and cookies for dinner. That is definitely not normal.

Blah. I went for a 7k bike ride today and felt awful after it. Partially because I think I'm kind of sick, but still, I shouldn't feel that gross after such a short bike ride.
I need to stop these bad habits and stop making excuses and start taking responsibility for my body.
ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

And I took another day off.
I just didn't feel like driving to work today! I worked from home for about a half day.
I went to lunch with Mardy and then we biked around downtown, had a coffee, and said our final goodbye for a year. I won't see her again before I leave for Aus. How sad!
Apparently Karen from work saw me out when I was supposedly sick, so she was bugging me about it. Karen makes my life difficult. She somehow has managed to invade my personal bubble and is incredibly moody and ruins my day sometimes just because she is a grumpy bear! I like her and all, but it's like Rachelle, just a bit overwhelming at times. Sigh.

Now that Australia is getting closer, I'm getting nervous! What if I can't figure out health care while I'm there! And what if I don't love it as much as I think I will. What if it's harder to find a job than I thought it would be? Just so many worries! The reality of it is finally setting in. In a month and a half, I'm going to be halfway across the world with no support system. Omg. It's scary.
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I need a vacation.
Work is stressing me out hardcore.
I have random boxes of things in my cubicle that were never dealt with that I think are water glasses and other things that the general office forgot to unpack.
And then I have like 5 bazillion things of actual work to do.
Oh well. One more month left and I'll be done!!!
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It's gonna be a long hot summer
We should be together
With your feet up on the dashboard now
Singing along with the radio
It's such a beautiful sound
:)
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Saw Elizabeth today.
So happy that I saw her.
She cried at lunch which made me cry. But we had fun!
She is coming to Australia and it will be awesome.
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HEY!
Guess what!
I leave for Australia in less than 2 months. SUCK ON THAT!

Finally got a hold of Elizabeth today.
My heart finally feels more complete.
I missed her. I think that's what my heart was missing all this time.
We are having lunch tomorrow :)
SO EXCITED!

People get so incredibly boxed in by their own thoughts about how they should live, how they should act, what they should do with their lives.
Key word 'should'.
We shouldn't do anything. But we CAN do whatever we want. We WANT to do something.
Sure, when we're young and we don't know any better, we should probably listen to what our parents what us to do.
Now I'm 21. And I was texting Jeff (who I don't think really counts as a friend anymore but apparently he is clinging on to our friendship...) and told him I was taking music history so that I could get my piano performers certificate.
His question was if I was doing it for my parents.
OH my dearie me. I'M 21! I don't do things for my parents anymore. I will go pick up laundry for my parents, or go grab some eggs, or go visit my cousin. I don't make a decision to take a music history course in order to please my parents.
Goodness. It's that awful ideal of doing what your parents want you to do that shelters people so much from the world. Or when I said, no it's not because of my parents, he asked what the point was then.
DUDE. What is the point of you texting me right now? Does it have a final purpose that will lead to a career in texting, or a lifelong friendship, or some meaningful thing that will count all the way until you're 80 and wrinkly? No. So I can take this darned music history course because I want to. I want to accomplish something. I want my performers certificate.
People get overwhelmed by the thought of doing only things that will get them something in return.
Take Rachelle for example, some days she will tell me about good deeds that she did during the week and finish it off by saying that she will now have good karma. Her idea of karma is doing good things in order to have good things happen in return.
But why can't we do something good just to do something good. Selflessness leads to a more rewarding life, and educating yourself in things that you are interested in leads to a more intellectual view of the world. We all see the world in different ways, but the more I talk to people, the more frustrated I get with them.
Just be you. Do what you want to do, and leave the rest up to the workings of the world.

I don't know who this is directed to.
But I feel it so strongly inside of me,
I miss you.

A perfect summer day. The sun is shining, lunch plans, dinner plans, studying with a cup of coffee. Fedora wearing, moccasin wearing, sunglass wearing kind of perfect day.
So lucky to be in a country where I can do things like this.
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SCHUMANN CARNAVAL OPUS 9: (2) Eusebius - Florestan - Coquette - Replique

So I have been constantly super busy with work these days.
It's been insane.
60 hour work weeks, 10 hour days in the office.
Just ridiculously crazy busy.

What's new with my life? Well let's see...
I bought a longboard. I have been riding it around a bit. It's pretty fun!
I am just about ready to buy my plane ticket to Australia.
I lost my wallet in a drunken escapade last weekend. Met randoms including a farmboy from Sundre who enjoys riding in the rodeo (SO COOL!). Went to Stampede with Rachelle and Lauren and then had another drunken night of fun where we met randoms on a stag party where we convinced them that Lauren could potentially be a man (even though her boobs are enormous!). We ate at Tubby Dog, which I think is totally overrated. I thought my dog was good, but not THAT good. A place called Beer Revolution in Calgary is super cool though. They have new beers whenever their shipment of kegs run out and they have a screen telling you how much is remaining and how many days of it they have left, which is a pretty awesome concept.
Had a mass breakdown while working out in the field this week. Apparently I didn't seal off one of the holes correctly, got scolded by Ian, and then proceeded to cry for like 3 hours. OMG. It was horrible and my driller didn't even know how to deal with it. Oh! And my driller who I totally thought was like 40 was only 28... How does that happen? People sometimes look so young and sometimes look so old. It probably has to do with the smoking?
I began studying for my history exam that is now in t-minus less than 3 weeks :S It has renewed my interest in classical music. I'm currently listening to Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in e- Op. 64 and I forgot how amazing some of this stuff is. It's so beautiful and captures the intricacy of certain instruments so well.
I have gotten so much closer to Rachelle in the last little while. She is moving to South Korea in less than a month for a year to teach English. So jealous. So we've been hanging out a lot to make up for all the time we won't get to see each other next year but we plan on weekly 'Wype' dates (Skype+Wine) so that we'll still be friends.
I have distanced myself from Shane a lot. He is too much of a burden to me. I mean, I get that he isn't overly outgoing or anything, but he clings too much. On a date with Kyle once upon a time, Kyle said to me, 'You know he's totally in love with you, right?' OMG. If it is that obvious to someone who has only seen us together twice, then it's obviously out of hand. How is Shane supposed to move on with his life if he keeps clinging to these stupid crushes to the point of insanity. I talked to Rachelle about it, and she told me it was super obvious too. I didn't notice, because I thought that was just how Shane was, but now I realize that everything I take an interest in, he decides he loves too. It's just too much, so I just stopped talking to him for a while, and we are going for lunch today. I think it might be awkward, but we're supposed to be going to Australia together soo... I should probably figure this situation out.

Nextfest is fantastic.
I took myself out on a date today and went to the Roxy theatre to enjoy some dancing and theatre. Sooo cool :)
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Greatest accomplishment to date?
MS BIKE TOUR THROUGH THE WIND AND RAIN!
YUM YUM FEELING ALL OVER :)

MS BIKE TOUR TOMORROW! AH!
SO STOKED!

Roadblock

Sorry about the last 2 posts. I seem to have a virus or something on my yahoo email account. Sighhh.

So I don't know what has become of me over the last 2 or so months.
Ever since I got to Red Deer, everything other than work became so insignificant.
I used to believe in being a healthy person, eating healthy, exercising daily, singing, keeping my mind creative.
Now all that I seem to do is work. And it is so fucked up. I'm 21 years old, I'm still a student, it's summer, and all I do is worry about work, who I am going to hang out with at work, etc. I guess partying and drinking has also taken over my life. It's a combination of those 2 things that bothers me so incredibly much. I frowned upon the drillers and other colleagues who revolve their lives around drinking at night and then working during the day, and here I am doing the exact same thing as them.
I had a thing with Chad at work and I hate myself for it. I don't understand why I put myself in situations where I don't get the happiness that I deserve from other people. I do things that make me feel unhappy and I don't get what I want out of it. And yet instead of withdrawing myself from the situation, I continue to put myself back into it. It's so messed up.
I went out for drinks with work people on Friday, and instead of having casual drinks with them, I got completely and utterly hammered before I even got to the pub with them and ended up being incoherent and making poor decisions that I can't even remember. The scary part is that I actually don't remember the entire second half of my night, how I got home, and what I even did. I remember ordering food, I don't remember eating it. I remember being outside the restaurant, but nothing about what I was doing out there. I'm not this kind of person. I don't want to be this person who thinks it's funny to get that drunk.
What happened to my commitment to music. At one point, I had wanted to wholeheartedly learn how to play ukelele, maybe sing and play at the same time. I haven't even thought about choir until I went to the choir's Beatles sing-along concert last night.
I don't like this person I've become. If I had to describe myself now, this is what it would be: irresponsible, too concerned about the attention received from boys, lacks dedication and passion, and is incredibly selfish. Over the last few weeks, I swear I've said the word "I" more than I ever have. Suddenly everything that everyone says to me revolves back around myself. I used to love to hear about other people's stories. I used to love to make other people happy, and for some reason all of that is disappearing right in front of my eyes.
This probably isn't as drastic of a change for other people's perception of me as it is for me seeing myself, but I've noticed something is extremely fucked up here, and I need to fix it.
My first step today, I went for a bike ride, went and shot a basketball around, and took a day for myself instead of immersing myself in socializing with other people. I'm going to a private little 'adjudication' session that Kyle (one of the vocal coaches from choir) invited me to for his and Caleb's acapella group Epsilon. It should be interesting. I need to start listening to what I need instead of what society wants me to think I need.

Blah. Josh broke up with me last night. Over text message. OMG OMG OMG. I had wanted to break up with him for like a whole month, but I am too much of a poop face to do it so I was happy that it happened. Just not happy with it being over text. Once upon a time, he said to me, "If you break up with me, I hope you at least do it in person." AH! Hypocrite. So of course I had to make him feel like shit about it. "Really? A fucking text? Really?" "Ya I know I'm an idiot" Except I don't think it was even grammatically correct... "You have no idea how much respect I just lost for you." And then he replied with something but I just didn't answer. Not worth my time. Here is his reason for why: "I've been thinking a lot and our lives are heading in such different directions" and then why it was over text "My dad is going into surgery soon and I didn't want to delay it any longer" Um... I was home this weekend. I don't give a fuck if you are sick, at least have the decency to invite me over and break up with me in person so that I can actually scream at you in person and make you feel like the shittiest person alive. This is a break up coming from a person who called me drunk saying I love you. I want to be with you forever. And from a person who suddenly decided to take me out to a fancy dinner, dressed up nicely, and had told me that he was going to treat me so good when I was back in RD. HAHAHAHA. Fuck that shit. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have ripped his balls off when I had the chance. Well that is my rant for the day. Time to go flirt with cute boys ;) Oh... not like I wasn't already doing that anyways... oops. Oh. Here is a list of his deficiencies: Cannot drive and lied about the reason he cannot drive. His license got 'suspended'. HA! His learners got suspended. Not his license. He never had an actual license. Asshole to a lot of people for absolutely no reason. Got fat while we were together. Lies about the fact that his dad is making him pay bills because his parents are separating. They were going to be separating at one point in time, and we went out for dinner and he was saying how all his dreams are ruined because he now has to worry about helping his mom pay bills. LIE. He later admitted that his dad would take care of everything. This was about an hour after I paid for that meal since I felt back for him. And after he bought himself a new ugly ass hat from the mall. Smokes weed but preaches to me about how bad drugs are. Tells his poor pregnant sister to 'get rid' of her baby. Basically used me as a chauffeur. Still goes to high school parties. Claims that he is 'saving money for college' when his dad makes 600 thousand dollars a year and would most likely be 100% willing to lend him money to get an education. Claimed to be cutting back on drinking because he thought he was becoming an alcoholic and proceeded to get absolutely shitfaced two days later and then pretty much twice a week after that. If that's cutting back, I don't know what not cutting back is. Told me he was planning to move out several times and never once followed through with it. Said he was going to come to Edmonton to play football. LIE. Found out that his boss/really good friend had cancer and did not put in the effort to track him down. And then when I asked about him about 2 months later, he said "I hate that guy." Is homophobic. "Only towards guys, but not to girls." UGH The list goes on. I don't understand why I do this to myself. But honestly, I can't really say I used him for his personality. He was just... there and convenient...

Applied for my work holiday visa at approximately 5 p.m. yesterday.
Granted visa at 3:14 a.m. this morning.
AUSTRALIA, I'm gonna rock your world! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
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Went to hot yoga today and boy was it ever intense!! I was sweating EVERYWHERE right off the get go and almost passed out due to the heat and intensity of the poses! So good! I am back in Edmonton now and I love it :) Yay for Edmonton :)

Beerfest was lame!
They barely had any weird international beers, they had bars there serving jagerbombs and stupid shot drinks, and they were crazy expensive!
Never again.
But the day/night was fun. Ended up at blue plate diner with Rachelle and had an amazing lentil and nut loaf with potatoes and grilled veggies. And ended off the night with yummy drinks from public house.
As the night progressed, we definitely encountered many many douchebags.
Oh Edmonton, I love you but why do I also hate you?
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Oh Amanda, this one's for you.

Deb 'Spoons' Perry Does The Black Keys

Old guy on bus definitely pooped his pants. How disgusting but I still feel sorry for him!
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The smell of incense reminds me of 2nd year.
Living in my basement suite, skipping school, trying to pretend I was happy when I was so utterly disappointed in myself.
I hit a ridiculous low point between first year and throughout second year.
Things weren't good.
And now I smell the incense and it makes me feel sad yet happy.
I don't know what it is about the smell of it that makes my heart feel warm.
I guess it sort of reminds me never to go back to where I was.
To stop taking people's bullshit.
To start just being happy with myself.

I guess it's a nice reminder that I only have one life to live, and that one person shouldn't be the entire focus of my life.

Josh told me I had a 'free pass' on Monday when I was out with my drillers.
It made me extremely angry. The fact that he still doesn't trust me makes me think that maybe there's a reason why he doesn't. Is it because I shouldn't trust him? Or that if he gives me a free pass, then I have a chance to get even for something I don't know he did? No idea. Mostly I just feel like life is too short for bullshit. If you are in a relationship with someone, why would you give them a 'pass'? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of being with only that one person.
Just absolutely stupid. I don't really know how I feel about that. But life always seems to work itself out. One of the perks of this world.

Last night was such a gong show! I love my drillers.
We finished work early so we went to the Rock for 2.75 pints and pizza!
Then we proceeded to get absolutely wasted, Tabitha also joined us and they ordered her enough drinks to catch up with our plastered-ness.
After being there for about 4 hours, Tabitha wanted popcorn so we slowly made our way to the mall so we could get kernels. We went through the Bay and apparently Luke had a bit of a crush on Tabi because he bought her a 100 dollar bottle of perfume even though he has a wife and kids... A little skeezy, but I mean, she got free perfume!
Then we got delicious white ched popcorn and threw it at each other while we played some ridiculous points game that Luke made up that rated our awesomeness basically based on how much we dissed him.
Finally, we made it to the bank to grab cash, and then the strippers where we proceeded to get even more shitter'd than before. Threw money at naked women, won posters and lighters, and walked home.
Absolutely hilarious.
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Today I love myself because I love to open doors for other people.
Because I have a nasty sunglass tan.
And because I biked for 30 minutes even though I was already exhausted.
Why do you love yourself?

YUM BLUE PLATE DINER :)
Ate a portobello, leek, and goat cheese phyllo strudel with pureed cauliflower and roast potatoes.
SOOOO GOOD.
Then lemon blueberry cheesecake and mint cucumber sorbet.
:)
YUM YUM YUM.

Spring snow falls are so beautiful.
The sun shines and the snow melts as it hits your face.
You can stand outside and look up at the sky and not freeze your bum off.
And it only lasts a few days, reminding you of how beauty is in the simplest things and that you should appreciate them while they last.

Everyone says "Oh stupid snow, go away."
But we should realize that people who don't get snow are astonished by its beauty.
It's so simple, that moment when you stick out your tongue and smile because you can feel the frozen little flakes land on your tongue.
The moment when your crush throws a snowball at you.
When you look outside your window, and there's a snowman smiling and waving at you.
The giggles of children making snow angels.
How the streetlights seem to make a glowing purple color with the snow and sky.
And the crunching sound that your tires make as you drive off.

I feel like bad things happen to people who get close to me.
I'm sure I've said this so many times, but people's close relatives die, or split up, or people try to kill themselves.
It's not my fault. I realize that, but I feel like I'm bad luck.
And then yesterday I was thinking about this, and remembered how one day I had said that if I could just be the one holding all the burden so that everyone else around me could be happy, I would gladly take that responsibility.
So maybe it's not that I'm bad luck.
Perhaps it's because although I was fragile and still am at some times, I'm still strong enough to handle all the pain.
That's why it comes to me. Because no matter how much I have to take for someone else, I'll still keep standing.
As many times as I've fallen, I've always been able to get back up. And maybe I'm just that person. The one who offers a helping hand for those on the ground. The one who picks up all the broken pieces and glues them back together.

*Watching Victoria's secret commercial*
Ew those girls are gross. They're too skinny.

Me: WHAT?! (inside my head of course)

I'm confused.

I wanna be the one that makes everything right.
That people look at and think, "She's amazing."
To be the one who makes everyone smile.
And laugh.

Carpe Diem.
I freaking sang at an open mic night.
I made a promise to myself to be more confident with myself, and that means taking risks.
:)

Cupcakes turned out fan freaking tastic :)

Let's just say cupcake making is going very well.

I woke up early one morning thinking about this chord progression. I don't know where it came from, but it sounds really pretty, so I woke up, played it for a bit, and went back to bed. HAHA

Food at Noorish!

"The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

Straight No Chaser - Fix You

The Straight No Chaser concert just ended and I am on a mega high. The concert was absolutely fantastic. They sang all sorts of things, but everything was just full of energy. It felt like they were happy to be here and you could just tell they loved to be on stage.
They sang Fix You and I almost started bawling right there in the theatre. Amazing in every possible way. I'm so happy that I can take time to enjoy the beauty of the human voice, and that I'm not afraid to love what I love and hang out by myself in a concert full of couples and family.
Life contains so much beauty and I'm so luck to truly appreciate it.
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Freaking fantastic workout.
8k run, 15 minutes of rowing, and an hour of lifting.
2 hours later, I'm finally done.
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Making these cupcakes for Shane for his birthday :)

6 posts for 8 days? What's happening? I used to post like 3 times a day!
For some reason I keep thinking that it is March 14th today. I must hate this month and want it to be over as soon as possible.
This month has been a complete month of musical passion for me.
I've picked up my ukelele more times than I have since Christmas, I've written a song, I've been exploring new bands, and I stumbled upon a choral festival on Tuesday. I am going to the Straight No Chaser concert on Friday night, and I am planning to attend more of that choral festival.
These days, putting my headphones on and just surfing the web while browsing through new musicians is the only thing that puts a fat smile on my face. Other than coffee but that's not a normal happy whatsoever.
I've started Analysis lessons and my teacher is such a cute old lady. Like Mrs. Davis except older. Extremely ditzy...
My iron deficiency seems to be striking again. I donated blood on Saturday, and now I've been extremely exhausted to the point of falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon. I missed out on a few iron supplements due to working, but I'm back on a regular schedule to make up for it now.

Plans for this month:
Buy new shoes to train in for my marathon.
Buy a bike to do the bike tour.
Run 16k at least once this month.
Look into boxing trainers.
Focus on what makes me happy.

I get to see Lauren in Calgary in two weeks, so I'm really looking forward to it. Lauren and I just see eye to eye on almost everything, and I can tell her absolutely everything. I know she'll judge me, but in a friend way, and not a hate me for it way.

Glee - Cough Syrup (Full Performance) (Official Music Video)

Went to a Buddhist temple today to pray and eat a vegetarian meal.
It was a real spiritual awakening. As soon as I stepped into the prayer room, I could feel my heart light up and suddenly, all my worries, annoyances, sadness, disappeared. All I felt was love and warmth and happiness. It was strange, and I was intrigued.
I am extremely interested in Buddhism now, and have started reading about it. They have little lecture books that guide you through what Buddhism is, one lecture at a time, and I just read the first book.
I realized my interpretation of Karma is completely off the line. If I treat someone nicely, it isn't going to return in Karma as good grades, it's going to return as someone treating me nicely in return. I can't expect to get a good job because I try my best to reduce my environmental impact, I'll get a good job if I do everything I can to get that good job. Karma isn't about favours coming back because you did some sort of good deed back in the day, it's about contributing all that you can towards your goals or towards being a good person. And in return, you'll achieve your goals and you'll be treated well by others.
Be your best every day, and you will be treated as a good person.

I love my family. I always will.

Donated blood today. No physical activity for me which means no run :S
I am sad today. Had a bad night last night of just feeling forever alone.
If someone hugged me, I honestly think I would full on burst into tears.
I want to run away.
This isn't the life I want. I want to be able to be selfish and not feel guilty about it.
All I ever do is worry about everyone else and it's a burden.
I feel everyone's sadness and loss of faith and anger and I am truly 100% affected by it.
I'm always the one to apologize first even if I haven't done anything wrong, because I'd rather let the other person feel right so they don't have to stress about it. I hate fighting.
I hate being so selfless. It's silly to say that about myself, but I really think I care too much for others.
I helped Shane through his depression. I tried to help Zach through his, but I haven't ever put that much effort into taking care of myself. I don't want to go to dinner tonight with Tonya and Shane, but I know Tonya would be happy if I went, so I will.
I told Shane I'd go to a movie with him after dinner even though I don't want to, but he seemed excited about it and I don't want to let him down.
I want to curl in bed and just escape for a million years.

8k run today :)
Hurray.
Back to the routine! 12 k on Saturday is my goal!

And I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears...

Oh Ne-yo, I forgot how awesome you are.
Music has the ability to completely ruin or make my day. (exaggeration
Counting crows? Bad memories but happy ones that remind me of how much I've grown.
The Cab? Energy booster.
LMFAO? Disgust about certain nights this summer. Yet hilarious at how much ridiculousness I brought upon myself.
Adele? SHUT IT OFF. Too overplayed. I'm over it.

I love waking up in the morning and having the apartment to myself. I love walking to the patio and looking outside and seeing the world covered in snow. I love playing old music out of my stereo and dancing while I get ready for work. I love making toast with Jam and lurking Tumblr while I eat breakfast.

It seems to me that I've forgotten to slow down and just appreciate life as it is. I've been so busy that everything has been pushed to the wayside. Work, choir, other work, home, random road trip. I just need a few days to slowwwwww down. Go for a walk, a run, go shopping, eat sushi, appreciate friends, and be happy with that. I keep myself busy so I have an excuse not to do anything. Which is completely silly. I need a social life, and I need to remember that I don't need to be with people 24/7 to prove that I have friends.

So for the next two days, starting tomorrow, I get to go drill boreholes in Vermillion with Jared! We have to stay overnight on Thursday night so that will be interesting :S But I'm excited to go somewhere for work! It shall be fun and maybe we will bond. He seems like a nice guy, just kind of quiet and is one of those mumbly people that doesn't really speak loudly but rather just stumbles around with words to himself. We'll see :)

Clare: How do you want our first sexual experience to be?
Jake: Sex....y?

1. Remember that everyone you encounter today has been through or is going through something. Treat them accordingly.

2. We all have feelings and needs. We all have trouble communicating them clearly. That’s just how it is. Listen to people and try to hear what’s not being said.

3. Forgiveness is the ultimate form of love. Let disagreements and grudges go as soon as possible. The longer you leave them, the longer it’ll take to get back.

4. Always smile at the cashier in a long line. Assume that she’s doing her best under the circumstances. Give her a break. Same goes for restaurant workers and all other service professionals.

5. Everyone wants to love and be loved. Let people love you without questioning their motives.

6. Stop making people “earn” your kindness. Be kind because you want to, not as a reward for the other person being kind to you first.

7. Don’t let one negative experience (or five) with a stranger, friend or lover keep you from being the loving person you really want to be.

8. Begin to see every human encounter you have as an opportunity to learn how to become a more loving person.

9. Instead of asking what you can get from others, ask yourself: What is the best part of myself I can give in this moment? How can I offer to help another person today?

10. Say “thank you.” Say “I love you.” Say “I’m sorry.”

Homemade pizza for the win!!!!!

One of my favorite quotes from the bathroom stall of Remedy:
'In a world that makes millions on telling you to hate yourself, loving yourself is the most radical thing you can do."
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Quote from the show Suburgatory:
'Ariel, our class president, has stepped down... due to unexpected Fatness...'
OH DEAR.

Took a sick day.
Boy did I ever need it.
I have been completely here but not here all week, so I took the day to recuperate. Get back into the groove of things, and clean the crap out of my room.
Just finished running 14k. I ran 9 to river valley and back, got wayy to thirsty to do the last 5, so went back to my apartment, chugged some water, and ran the last 5k.
I feel awesome.
My legs are sore.
Gotta train for my halfie in 2 months!

Shit Asian Moms Say

Shit Girlfriends Say

I just made this chocolate cake.
It is fantastic.

Attack of the douchebags.
So there is some sort of mess on the highway going through the mountains before we even hit Revelstoke.
Major delays.
There are some people here smoking a bong, blaring 'cool' gangster beats, and being idiots in general.
I didn't realize people were so stupid.

Another day in the life of a Kelowna resident.
Mountains, bridges, water, water, more water. So beautiful.
Boats. Planes.
I'm sold. See you later. I'm never coming back!

Yes, yes, it does say backhand of god on that board. Crap loads of awesome in Kelowna!

We are at a restaurant called Raudz!
It is beautiful in here.
So busy.
Great atmosphere.
Half good company!
I love it here. Can I please never leave?
Disappearing off the face of the earth wouldn't bother anyone would it?

My name is Rachelle.
This is what I like to do:
Get Sarah to drive me places far away.
I don't ever thank her.
Then I am a grumpy bitch the whole day.
I don't speak a word to Shane or Sarah the whole day.
I also refuse to leave the hotel room except to get food.
I also like to sit in the hotel room and play on my computer just like I would in Edmonton but I'm in another city! I wonder if it will feel different if I keep doing it.
When Sarah or Shane talks to me, I'll just fake a laugh and ignore them.

Wow. I'm sick of this. Ugh.
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So first dive did not work out as planned.
We didn't have enough weighting and couldn't sink to the bottom of the water.
I had less troubles than the other two just because I was super relaxed and thought the water was amazing.
So the other 2 are kind of pissy... Grumpy, moody, whatever. It's kind of awful to hang out with grumpy people.
I'm super happy though. Kelowna is beautiful. Things will work out.
Right now I'm really tired though. 11 hours of driving, 5 hours of sleep, 2 hours of attempted diving... I'm worn out. Worst part is that Rachelle wants me to pay for gas when I'm the ONLY one driving and then it's my car if anything happens.
I had to stress the WHOLE time through the mountains because it blizzarded for half of the drive through them. Scary scary shit.
Now I'm at this beautiful little restaurant called the Grateful Fed pub. So cute. Decorated with a crapload of music things.
Love. I want to live here. Haha.

Yup. Just drove 11 hours to Kelowna and not a single fucking thank you.
You people have no fucking manners and no respect for your friends.
Fuck you. Ugh.
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I'm sleepy.
BUT SUPER EXCITED FOR KELOWNA!
SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA! :)

Random thinking led me to think about death.
I'm not afraid of death.
I think that if I died tomorrow, I'd be content with the way I have lived my life.
I've appreciated the world for what it is. I've loved friends, family, animals, random people.
I've explored the minds of a variety of people.
I've gone hiking. I've gone fishing. I've gone shopping.
I've been on a hutterite colony, I've gone to the farmers market.
I've tasted delicious cheesecake, disgusting durian, chicken feet, coffee.
I've lived alone. I've lived with my family. I've stayed at hotels, condos, dorms.
I've done yoga, pilates, gone horseriding, run 10k, biked.
I've cooked, I've baked, I've eaten at restaurants.

To me, I've explored the world that I've been able to so far.
So that's why I'm not scared. Death is natural. It happens, so I don't understand why there is such a fear of it in so many others.
I remember talking to Abhishek last summer and he said he would want to live forever.
He was extremely surprised when I said I would be happy with the way I've lived if I died the next day.
He said he wanted to do more. Do research that takes longer than a lifetime. Explore more possibilities.
I think that's the difference between my take on life than others. I've adapted, in some sense, an existential way of living my life. I give meaning and passion to my life with the things I have. I know that's the way life is. It's what I can afford, it's the people I've been surrounded with, and although I can manipulate these, I'm still happy with whatever I have.
People may argue with my definition of existentialism. But to me, it means the philosophy on life in which a person is willing to live life to the fullest without a greed for more, no matter what their life holds.
I don't desire the money that others desire. I don't desire the unbelievable love story that others desire. I don't want power, or cars, or nice mansions. I don't want to be famous. I am just happy with my life. This is where I've been placed in the world. And this is where I am 100% happy being.

Me: Happy Valentines Day
Josh: Lol Thanks
Me: Thanks for saying it back
Josh: Alright now. That's not going to happen.
Me: FUCK I just cut my finger open on a kitchen drawer.
Josh: Well on that note, Happy Valentines


WHAT A ROMANTIC.... HAHAHAHAHA

The best Valentines day.
Worked in the lab.
Went for a 4.5k run.
Had a quick dinner with dinner with Rachelle and Shane to discuss scuba this weekend, since we found out today that Thane, who was supposed to take us, can no longer go. We decided to go through someone else, which now means we have an ENTIRE day in Kelowna to just hang out. Excited? Yessss.
Went to the gym after dinner.
Walked home.
Watching Glee and being silly in love with people being in love.

Josh apparently hates Valentines Day. Good thing I don't care. I am content to loving myself, my friends, and my family on this beautiful day full of love.
When I was walking home, I saw so many adorable couples. Candlelight dinners.
And it made me oddly aware of the people walking alone as well.
I hope they are all as happy as me being alone :)

I LOVE YOU ALL.
REMEMBER THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE, SOMEONE LOVES YOU AND WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY LOVES!

Maxwell House commercial with Affirmation girl

Joe Nolan - Hold Me Up

Sometimes, you just have to remember that maybe your personal best is good enough.
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JUST RAN 9K!
I ran all the way to the other side of high level bridge, wrapped around to low level bridge, and then came all the way home :)
I feelll goooooooood.

Home was great.
I am wide awake due to having a "Flat white" today.
DELICIOUS.
Dose is the new-ish cafe located inside Sunworks on the top floor.
They are so urban and hipster. It's awesome!
Plus the drink was delicious.
I love that Red Deer is slowly becoming a small city with gems hidden all over.
I mean, I never would imagine the liberal minds of an Occupy movement in Red Deer, but there are some people who want this thing to go somewhere.
It's about time that RD became less conservative and started to embrace the future.
I think about the flamboyantly gay boy that works at RW&Co sometimes, and wonder how much bullying he's been through. But the fact that he works at a clothing store and people seem to love me makes me incredibly happy.
There's also the boy that works in the makeup department at the Bay. So delightful!
I love RD. I love my family so much.
Everything feels right in my little hometown. I can see myself settling down there one day. But years and years and years from now.
For now, I want to explore. I need to explore myself by being alone in new places and meeting different types of people.
Somehow, though, I feel like I'm destined to end up in Alberta. It just seems to be written in the books.

A feast of all you can eat sushi and other Japanese food items... Which I do not get to participate in.
Hehe. Vegetarianism holding me back again. Smells good!

I love being at home.
I miss home.
I miss coming home from work to a nice home-cooked meal.
To 2 or 3 more people happy to see me.
No worries about expenses. Friends that I've known and loved for years.
I miss working at home.
I'm such a whiny brat, but I love Red Deer.
I say I'm sick of it, but I'll never lose my love of this city.

Scuba! Scuba! Scuba!
I can't wait to go to Kelowna and go diving :)
Hurray hurray hurray!!
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Me: Why do you have so much money?
Tyler: Because I work a lot, I mean a lot.... And I have no girlfriend.

BAHAHAHA. So true.

"10k is so easy. Why would you even need to train for that?"
"I've done 30k on a bike before and I didn't need to train for it. It's not hard at all."

Words by Rachelle. She honestly hasn't done physical activity in like 4 years so I don't get where she gets this stupid crap to say. I bet she would run 3k and think it was 20. And the farthest she bikes is to downtown, which is like... 6 k from where she lives. She pisses me off.
More ranting on her I'm sure will come later. Don't mind me.
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So here's my blurb about Diane:

What is there to say about my oldest sister?
For one, I'd definitely say she's one of my role models. I look up to her to help me deal with situations that I don't know how to handle, and she surprisingly has come up with logical and appropriate solutions to them. She's been through a lot, especially growing up in a family like ours, and I really remember a time in my grade 12 year where I was really struggling with my relationship with my parents, and at that time, she seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear to get through my last months of high school. She's always been there when I've needed her, and I feel like I've always come first on her priority list. If there's something that comes up, she'll drop everything just to make sure I'm okay.
Now more about her personality. Ha. I would say that she's a blonde stuck in an Asian body. What comes to mind first is.. Anna Faris? Just kidding. I guess she's a bit ditzy at times, hilarious most of the time, and at the same time manages to be insightful , intellectual, and down to earth. She's generous and loves to spend time helping people. During university, she was the head of the Student Distress Center, and especially now that I am a student, I realize how much this organization contributed to mental health of students.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I'm incredibly lucky to have her as my sister. We've been through our phases, we've had our feuds, but in the end, what it comes down to is that we'll be here for each other no matter what. Time for a cliche: They always say that friends are the family that you chose, but she's the family that is family that I chose.

Corniness complete.
I hope your head swelled a bit.

Running is my remedy
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I was super flipping angry earlier today.
So far for my trip to Kelowna, I call it my trip because no one else seems to give a fuck about planning it so here I am doing all the work, I have called Thane and arranged all the scuba before and during the trip, I have planned the car ride (which requires me getting my oil changed so that I don't kill my vehicle, which I wouldn't have to do yet if I didn't drive to Saskatoon last weekend), and I am the only one looking into hotels/ place to stay.
So far Shane and Rachelle have done nothing.
Hmmm. I wonder what's wrong there.
So this weekend, I drove to Saskatoon... for Rachelle.
I let her take Meeka (her dog) in my car.
I didn't ask anything of her in return, except that maybe we can share the driving.
That didn't happen. Also, she didn't talk to me the whole car ride home.
She also didn't really want to explore Saskatoon and instead wanted to make a battleshots board instead of wandering downtown. I drove all this way for you to get ready for a party that we could have had in Edmonton?
She didn't say thank you for driving. She paid for gas though which should obviously be her fees. She didn't offer to drive when I said I was tired on the way home.
And today I was asking her about the hotel for Kelowna and she replied 'Look, I'm at work and don't have time for this right now. The review for Days Inn said it's fine. Just pick one.'
EXCUSE ME?! You're going to be snarky with me when I do way more than you in life, and I just drove you to Saskatoon to visit YOUR friend, and I'm planning this whole fucking trip to Kelowna?
What a bitch. That's all I have to say. I knew she was one, but the true bitch finally came out, so I'm sick of it. I don't enjoy making decisions when I always 'make the wrong decision'. She always says I can make the choices, and then is obviously disappointed with whatever I decide to do.
She can suck my dick. I can only be nice for so long.

Global Stoon.wmv

A whirlwind of emotions.
Scattered.
Frantic.
Devastated.
Incomplete.
Happy.
How can something so full of love.
Leave someone feeling so empty.
A heart of void.
A mind full of wonder.
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This seems to happen anytime I go anywhere for the weekend whether it be home or wherever.
I get sad when I get back to my home in Edmonton.
All the sadness comes from the 'what ifs'.
What if I stayed longer.
What if I had been nicer to that one person. What type of friendship or connection did I miss out on by not being there longer.
I had a blast last night. And now I wish I were in Saskatoon being friends with all those people.
They were so much fun. I stalked them on facebook.
All that I keep doing is wondering, what if what if what if.

Last night was a gong show.
A good party night drunken mess gong show.
The day started with going to All you can eat sushi and chinese buffet which was delicious and super filling!
Then we went to get supplies to build a battleshots board and got liquor.
We got home and built the board, went for coffee at a local shop called Broadway Cafe and wandered on Broadway Street.
When we got back to Sam's, some friends were already over and so she made us dinner of pasta and garlic bread. Sooooo good.
Me and Rachelle started playing battleshots (shots of beer) and then more people came over and we watched the Oilers game, played sociables, and met a whole bunch of fun Saskatoon people.
It was a blast! Sam's friends sure know how to drink. Haha.
After we were all sufficiently wasted, well at least I was, we went to the Hose!
There, we danced the night away. And I got strangled for most of the night because Sam's friend Blake decided he wouldn't let me go in his drunken state and whenever I tried to go anywhere, he would wrap his arm pretty much around my neck and not let go. Haha. He was a really nice guy though so it wasn't a big deal.
Another guy also tried to cheat on his girlfriend with me. Ick. He was one of Sam's roommates.
We finally got home and her friends refused to go home until she pretty much just told them to GTFO. Haha.
Overall, super fun and I love Saskatoon!
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Went for a morning walk since people like to sleep in. Here's a view of downtown from across the river :)

First night in Saskatoon:
Road trip was super fun! The roads are okay, not overly well paved but not gravel!
Took about 5 hours to get here including a stop in Lloyd. Starbucks and gas, yay!
Got to Sam's home and it is giant! Not new, but giant and in an area that I would call the whyte ave of Saskatoon. It's called Broadway! Haha. Pretty cool.
We watched a few episodes of the League, met some of her friends that were over, went to Subway and then had a few drinks at a place called Hose.
It once was a fire station, and has a firemen pole still. Pretty nice inside!
Then we got home and went to sleep. Delightful first night in Sask!
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800th post on this blog, and it's a happy one!
I only had to work 5 hours today, since I had overtime from Tuesday.
So I came home and it's gorgeous outdoors so I went for a little walk down Whyte!
Then I went for a 4.5k run outside, and now I'm just hanging out in my room and enjoying sunshine and relaxing :)
I can't wait to go to Saskatoon. It's going to be fun to see everything!


Have a good weekend kiddies!!!

I am going to make THIS casserole :)

So in my 365 questions a year book, I had to answer this question last night:
What is your resolution for tomorrow?
Well, my resolution for today was to eat healthy, exercise, be happy, and not hold grudges or be grumpy at anyone all day.
And I've completed my resolution.
I breathed off everything that sort of annoyed me.
I laughed things off.
And I enjoyed my day completely.
People ignored my texts? Oh well. They're probably busy.
People can go further into their yoga poses then me? I don't actually know because my focus was solely on myself for my class tonight.
Eat healthy? I had a cinnamon bun this morning with breakfast, but it was delicious and made me happy. I had delicious vegetarian chili provided to me by work (just like breakfast was), and then almonds, and some other snacks when I got home. Everything in moderation right?
People cut me off in traffic? They probably didn't see me there or are new drivers. Meh. As long as they didn't hit my car or injure anyone.

This is the way to live life. I lived in my own bubble today. Sure, I let people in and met new people. Sure, I still have to deal with other people's problems, but I won't get stressed out about it and let it affect how I behave. The problem is that people forget to move past things and dwell for far too long causing them to inhibit themselves. Forget what happened, and think about all the awesome things that can happen next.

I'm going to Saskatoon tomorrow with Rachelle to visit her friend Sam. I've heard that Saskatoon (Skoon) is beautiful, so I'm really looking forward to it. On the way, I'll get to see Lloydminster and Battleford, so I'm excited to experience a few new things this weekend. A road trip might be exactly what I need right now. A peaceful drive through the prairies with my best friend. Sounds pretty good.

Impromptu banana bread making session last night yielded a pretty good loaf of bread!
Simple recipe, all ingredients that I already had and only 5 minutes of mixing and an hour of baking! I sprinkled chopped walnuts on top.
It is tasty and has only the oil I use to grease the cake pan in it. I replaced the oil with applesauce. AWESOME!

Oilers game from Row 10 Beeeeeeeeeeeches

First you let me change my work schedule.
Then you let me work from home.
Then you feed me delicious breakfast and lunch.
Now you let me work with cute boys?
I love you Golder.
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I always claim that I'm more motivated than ever to be healthy, so I work out, and then I ruin it with junk food.
I'm guilty of something I hate most of other 'fit' people.
I made a resolution to eat clean, and I made it through the first 2 weeks of the year and then pretty much gave up.
So now I'm really determined. If I stopped giving up a year ago, I would be in a much better physical shape than I'm in now.
Now it's time to stop giving up. I'm determined to get through this.
I'm going to build my body up into the body it was meant to be.
I'm going to run my half marathon. I'm going to do the MS bike tour. And I'm going to have a diet that matches my athletic ability. My body deserves more than what I'm giving it at the moment.
So it starts now.
What's your promise to yourself?
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Watching Once Upon A Time.
Sexy men. Sexy men. Sexy men...
Drooooooooooool.
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Chips, chocolate and a movie.
PERFECT NIGHT IN.

Watched A Dangerous Method. Boy was it weird and kind of uneventful.
Keira Knightley is intense and incredibly good in it. The story sort of just follows her relationship with her doctor. A journey through the discovery and development of pyschoanalysis. Strange indeed.

Sooo... Would you like to go out tonight?
My bed is so comfy... I don't know I'll be able to get out of it.
What are you watching?
Once Upon A Time! The TV show!
Ohhh. That sounds like a pretty good show. I understand if you don't want to go out on a date with me tonight.
Well... You are pretty special. I might make the effort to get dressed.
Awwww. I'm special? That's awesome.
Okay fine. I'll get out of bed and go to the movie.

The story of how I took myself out on a date to the movies tonight. I'm watching A Dangerous Method because the line to the Descendants was far too long. Rolos in my mouth, cute little theatre? I'm good to go :)
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Hello Blueberry beer. My tummy says hello!

CITY AND COLOUR BEECHESSSSS!!!!!!!

Can I buy the one that says, Chubby, single and ready for a pringle?? PLEASEEEEEE

My life is one of those pass time scenes in the movies where people bustle by but the camera never moves. You see people change, the season change, and the camera just sits there. I'm an observer of people. I feel like I'm at a standstill as everyone else lives their lives and I'm happy here. Just sitting, waiting, watching, listening, and enjoying.
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I want to watch the Vow!
Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams in a Nicolas Sparks based movie?
Tears, chick flick, AWESOME!

Chris Young - You

"You make me laugh more than I've laughed in a long time. When I'm with you I can't not smile. You make me feel like the most important person in the world and pretty and special. You make me happy and when I'm with you everything else doesn't matter"

Today was the most intense hot yoga class that I've had in a really long time.
The series of poses wasn't necessarily that hard, but it was the heat and humidity of the room.
I swear I managed to get heat exhaustion in the hour that I was in that room. By the time the last fifteen or so minutes of the class, I wanted to resign to child's pose, but I pushed through, had momentary dizziness that almost led to me falling over. I did resign to child's pose, but only long enough to gain enough energy to do a bit more.
I'm so motivated to lead my healthy life style and explore the fitness world.
Rock climbing is definitely in the books. As well as a half marathon. And probably biking when summer comes along. I want to bike to work, which would probably take a solid hour in the morning? Triathlon here I come :)

So I've made a decision.
I like Josh... a lot.
He is my boyfriend... Hehe.
No more other boys :)

"In order to train the dog, you have to be smarter than the dog... Which isn't the case."
-Layla

The Beatles - All You Need is Love (HQ)

Just had staff lunch with the whole Golder office.
We got lasagna, buns, and salad! What a good lunch. And it was awesome because they had vegetarian lasagna so I did not have to starve!
I am a lazy bum at work and don't want to do anything... SIGHHHH

It has come to my attention that I haven't blogged about anything in a really long time.
So here comes a long blog about probably nothing important, but here it is nonetheless.
My weekend started off with me finishing work, going home, and eating chili while drinking beer and watching Hanna I think. Or was it something else? I don't overly remember. I think it was. I took a nap afterwards, and then got up and got ready to go to Mandy's boyfriend's band's concert. They are called No Witness and were playing in a lineup of 5 bands total, all sort of a heavy rock, screamo music types.
I picked up Shane at Wes' house, then picked up Rachelle at her place, and we all started driving towards Avenue theatre (shady, I know). Rachelle was hungry, so we went to Westmount to find something to eat, except she is picky but doesn't say no to things, so we stopped at Safeway, but she didn't want anything, and I had to make all these random stops until finally she got a veggie burger at A&W. Blah. Grumpy friends are no fun.
They both didn't seem to enjoy the concert, but I know I would have had more fun if I had gone alone and just appreciated the music instead of having to worry about two other grumps. I'm noticing that I'm having extremely antisocial tendencies these days. Everyone that I hang out with seems to irritate me. For example, I go to work out at the gym with Emily, but then she doesn't push herself hard enough, cancels out her work outs right after by eating greasy food for her after work out meal, and asks me stupid questions about how to eat properly when I know she won't do it anyways. Rachelle makes me angry because she is moody and sometimes when she gets drunk, she becomes a mega-beeyotch. And Shane is boring. Just plain boring. Josh I don't ever get to see which makes me a sad panda. People at work bother me because their lives are too school oriented and they forget that life is more than just going to school and studying. Eric bothers me because I've only hung out with him once and he bitches to me about annoying girls in his labs and how much homework he has. BLAH. Why can't people get past all the stupid little things and just appreciate everything? I mean, I'm guilty of keeping grudges for no reason, and for acting stupid over nothing, but at least I try my best to get over them.
Saturday, I went to the farmers market, which I am now obsessed with, and then volunteered. Our store offers awful awful awful customer service. No wonder people don't like coming back to the store in Edmonton. Ugh. Then I got to go home! I got to see my fam jam, and talked to them, and then I went on a date with Josh!
We went for Indian food and then to the Devil Inside which was a really crappy movie. Josh is so cute and makes me laugh. He dressed up in a nice purple dress shirt and khakis for our date. And then I took him to a liquor store so he could get boozed up with his friends later that night. The nice thing about our relationship? We both don't try to control each other and understand the fact that we have lives separate from each other. Phew!
I went home that night and watched West Side Story with Amanda until we got too tired and went to bed. Then on Saturday, we made a trip to Superstore, went to Di Yee's for lunch, and watched lion dances at the mall in celebration of Chinese New Year! I want to do lion dances so badly! But that would mean I need to stop volunteering in order to make time for it, and volunteering takes priority in my mind. Then we had a giant feast with the other half of our family :P and then I drove home.
I was really sad last night when I left home, and am still feeling a little glum, but I will survive!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Please enter my watering mouth, jalapeno cheddar home-made bread!!!

It's not only the melting glaciers and rising sea level that we need to be concerned about. It's the melting of the permafrost in the northern latitudes that can release carbon dioxide, the carbon dioxide saturation of the oceans and trees that will lead to all the gas produced to remain in the atmosphere, thus accelerating the greenhouse effect.
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"With global warming, most of the surface of the globe will change into desert. The survivors will gather around the Arctic. But there won't be enough room for everybody, so there will be wars, raging populations, warlords. It's not the Earth that is threatened, but civilization.
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There are some kids from my engineering classes that are in my Ground Disturbances training today. They are absolutely the most annoying people ever. Ugh.
But on the bright side, my sexy teacher from my H2S training is teaching again. Course number 2 with him. He is Greek and sexy. Oh, did I mention that he's sexy?
I was in a horrible mood last night and then Josh made me sad because he got mad at me for no reason and said I called him stupid but I didn't and was just making a joke about him liking chunky girls. Apparently the joke was confusing. He made me cry. What a poo face.
The weather is dreadful but for some reason I like it. When I think of winters, I think of weather like this. The kind that nips at your nose and legs as you walk 2 blocks to your friend's house. The kind where you just want to read and drink tea all day. Where the floors are cold on your bare feet but you don't put on slippers because as much as you hate how cold the floor is, you also love it.
I like the cold. The snow is beautiful.
It's days like these where I feel like I'm growing as a person. Because when everyone is hating the weather and each other, I'm able to embrace the fact that this is life and I love it even when it sucks.
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Want to punch babies. Bad bad bad
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Bad karma bad karma bad karma.
I have bad karma for being a bad girl.
For constantly kissing other boys while being with Josh.
For talking smack about people behind their backs.
For being two faced.
Must stop this bull and be a nicer person.
Tabitha cancelled on me for the City and Colour concert on the 26th because she thought it was on the 25th, the Wednesday, and therefore she would not have a lab the day after at 8 30 a.m. to go to.
POO. But my awesome sis Mandy pants will be coming instead :)
Made vegetarian chili today but it is lacking flavor due to me using fresh tomatoes instead of canned ones.
Gotta go to choir now!

Last night was my United Cycle Christmas party.
OH MAN WAS IT FUN!
The night started with Rachelle and I missing our bus to the venue which was the German Cultural Center, so by the time we got there, dinner was already being served and there were no more spots at the running/activewear table. So we sat down at our own table, happy that we each got our own bottle of wine to drink for the night. AND 2 free drink tickets.
But some lovely ladies decided that it wasn't right for us to sit by ourselves, so we got moved to another table, which ended up being some of the big bosses and a few employees.
Dinner was okay, speeches were boring, but then there were door prizes!
GUESS WHO WON GOLD SEAT TICKETS TO THE OILERS GAME AGAINST COLORADO ON THE 31ST?! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Value of 229 dollars per ticket) Plus a 25 dollar food voucher :)
After the door prizes, there was a dance, but no one was dancing.
So Rachelle and I continued drinking, and once we were tipsy enough, we started introducing ourselves to all the randoms we could find, including my 'workplace boyfriend' as deemed by Mandy who I work with, who is named Stephan and from Quebec and super francais! We had a pushup contest. I beat him because then people started sitting on him because then his hips touched the ground and that counted as losing. HAHA. Funny. From that point onwards, Rachelle and I were the center of attention for all the boys in the crowd.
I stole some guys top hat, well I actually asked him politely and he gave it to me, but then his friend came to steal it back and he was cute too! His name is Logan and he was really nice and drank a lot of wine with me.
After all that, we joined the dance floor which had livened up a little and danced the night away. I danced with Stephan ;) It was kind of awesome... And then the night was over and the venue said it was time to leave :( So sad. I got Stephan's number. Hehe. But we got invited to Nick's house for an after party and decided to go to that. The cabs didn't show up for ever! I ended up talking to Logan while we were waiting for the cabs, so I got his number too! I have a thing for 18 year olds. So by the time we got a cab, Nick had decided he was going to go to a pub on Whyte instead, and Rachelle and I both went home. I don't really remember getting home :S
SO MUCH FUN.
I love United Cycle now. Even though they don't trust us, I don't care when they give us free booze and sweet door prizes.

I would say this is fairly accurate. I accidently cut off the work distance. Oops!

SO many people miss the point of life.
It's not to be so absorbed in work or school that you forget to live.
Remember to appreciate the feeling of a good workout if that's what you want. Or to appreciate the taste of Macdonalds. Or to appreciate the hug you get from a friend. Or that first kiss that doesn't seem to leave your mind. Or the feeling you get from putting in an extra hour of your time to make someone else feel that much better.

Love yourself. Entirely.
From your toes to the top of your head.
From the inside to the outside.
From your laugh to your weird freckle.
Love everything that you've been given.
And from there, you can begin to love everything else.

I have made the official decision to run a half marathon.
It is the Edmonton Police Foundation Marathon: http://epfhalfmarathon.ca/
I hope I can force myself to train for it :S

This is a Pulis dog. They are awesome. Eric and I talked about animals for a long time last night.


























Our date last night was good actually. We were at the restaurant for 4 hours! I met him at Culina just off Saskatchewan drive last night at 7 and didn't leave til a little bit after 11. It was good conversation. He did not look like what I thought he looked like at all. My best description of him would be that he has short brown hair, average frame, about 5'9", and stereotypical white man look to him? My description sucks. He isn't overly attractive and not unattractive either. Although his vampire teeth deter me a little bit from being attracted him.
We had delicious food. He had blue cheese and chocolate sauce on a steak on top of mashed potatoes, and I had something called Moroccan Vegetable Tagine. It was a spicy, red sauced, rich sauce on top of couscous with a variety of vegetables in the sauce. It was delicious. And then we shared a desert of chocolate cake with whipped goat cheese and pepita brittle on top. That was also incredibly good.
I like that restaurant! I offered to pay my half but he said he would do it the 'old-school way' and pay for it all. How nice! And then he walked me to my car and we hugged and left it at that.
Overall rating of the night: uhhh... 8? I guess. For the night, but my attraction to him is minimal and I feel no chemistry with him. But! He gets bonus points for owning a cat named Monster. Pretty cool. And for wearing a dress shirt and trying to look nice, although I think the shirt was a tad bit small.

Just bought these beauties online. Can't wait for them to get here... in a month.
HEHE.

Date tomorrow night.
Hmmmm. I'm nervous!

So this week has been pretty busy so far.
On Monday, I had my H2S Alive training, and I went to the gym right after. I saw Abhishek and Pat at the gym. They are both idiots. I found out that I lift a higher weight of free weight than Abhishek. And afterwards, I had choir which was fun, but I think I'm getting sick of the music since we've been practicing it for so long.
On Tuesday, I went to work and was busy all day working on some borehole logs. Then I came home and relaxed for a bit before going to the gym with Emily. We had a good workout. She's definitely motivated to work out, but I'm afraid that she isn't pushing herself enough, yet I don't want to push her until after a month or so in the gym. Afterwards, we went to a pub downtown and had some dinner and drinks.
I thought they had their whole menu, but since they opened, they only had a whole bunch of meat products on their menu, and I had 2 choices. Edamame beans or olive and bread. So I got olives, and I got two big bowls of olives for two tiny slices of focaccia bread. Someone needs to re-think that menu item. Oh well!
Today, I have work all day, and then work at United Cycle right after at 5 30 to 9 15. I am then going to come home, do some yoga, and go to bed.
Tomorrow, I have work all day, then I'll get ready for dinner with the guy I met on New Years Eve named Eric. We are going to Culina's which I've never been to, but it should be good. I don't even remember what Eric looks like, so that should be interesting... Haha.
So far this year, I've only run 5 kilometers. But at least it's a start. When I was at the gym yesterday, I was wondering why 2 miles was so hard to run, until I remembered that I donated blood on Saturday and that I've worked out every day since then. HEHE.
Hope you're all having good weeks as well!

Bad - The Cab

Went to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo last night and fell asleep for a couple minutes in it. Haha. Apparently I started snoring. But it was a good movie! Rachelle and I hit up IKEA and I bought nothing, and then we went to Moxies for food appies and dessert and drinks, and then to the movies.
This morning I was supposed to go work out at 9 am with Emily, but she texted me saying she was sick, so I slept in because I was exhausted. Most likely from donating blood yesterday. So then I called in sick to work because I wanted a day off this week, even though I only had 4 days of real work last week, I didn't feel like going today. Plus I'm still super tired even though I slept in and had about 9 hours of sleep. Still feeling effects of blood loss probably.
The plan for today, lie in be all day and take a 2 hour break from bed to go to Sunday Detox Hot Yoga! Wash sheets and clean my room and sleep. Oh sleep, I've missed you.