'My FRIEND is having his 80th birthday. I want to give him a really nice time and a nice dinner. Are you leaving soon? We really want a booth'

'There's girls and stuff, but it's pretty Jewish'
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2011 is coming to a close, and I'd like to summarize my family's highlights of the past year:

• Diane graduated law school!
• We went to Vancouver and had a wonderful time including a relaxing bike ride around Stanley Park
• Di Yee got a new vehicle!
• We got a new kitchen table
• We completed renos on the house.
• Amanda graduated! And moved home to become a cat lady.
• We got new in-laws! Although they are a tad bit weird. (and by tad bit I mean a lot bit)

And that is all I can think of at the moment... Boring? Just a little bit.

A goal for 2012:
Run the equivalent of 2 kilometers per day totaling 732 kilometers over the year. :)
(This coming year is a leap year)

If only it were actually this easy.

“You are not your bra-size, nor are you the width of your waist, nor are you the slenderness of your calves. You are not your hair color, your skin color, nor are you a shade of lipstick. Your shoe-size is of no consequence. You are not defined by the amount of attention you get from males, females, or any combination thereof. You are not the number of sit-ups you can do, nor are you the number of calories in a day. You are not your mustache. You are not the hair on your legs. You are not a little red dress.

You are no amalgam of these things.

You are the content of your character. You are the ambitions that drive you. You are the goals that you set. You are the things that you laugh at and the words that you say. You are the thoughts you think and the things you wonder. You are beautiful and desirable not for the clique you attend, but for the spark of life within you that compels you to make your life a full and meaningful one. You are beautiful not for the shape of the vessel, but for the volume of the soul it carries”

—

Unknown.

NEW YEARRRRRRR!!!!!!!

What Are You Doing New Years Eve? by Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-L...

DECLAN DECLAN DECLAN!

The new year gives everyone a second chance.
A clean slate to start on.
A hope that this year will be better than the last.
And that we will accomplish all that we wish to accomplish.
It brings hope. Hope for happiness, hope for forgiveness, and hope for a new beginning.
I can't wait to start my new year :)

BOYS.
Such a huge part of my year.
My year started off with me in a 2 plus some relationship with Zach.
It was awful. He was useless, played WoW for too long, didn't appreciate me, etc.
I basically considered myself done with him in early April, but we didn't officially end things until I moved out of the apartment for summer at the end of the month.
Then came a barrage of boys.
I would go out drinking and dancing and find a guy to make out with just for the heck of it. Which I would say I needed. After being with Zach for so long, it was time to be young and stupid. And so I did just that.
I made out with Steve and Evan from work, but those never went anywhere although I did like Evan for a little while.
Then there was Bret. He was such a nice guy when we were one on one but then whenever other people were around, he was kind of a douchebag to them. Obviously he lacked social skills. Plus he was really clingy and overly sensitive. He always talked about how fat he was even though he was ridiculously skinny, and I've found that through all my insecurities, I cannot date anyone with a low self-esteem. I can't be the foundation that people sit upon. I'm strong, but only strong enough to hold myself up.
And then there were the Stantec boys. Mike was the guy that took me out on a date to Cowboys and Aliens and then we came back to my place, drank a beer and chatted for hours. He gave me a goodnight kiss and that was the end of that. He invited me to go horseback riding but the night before was Doug's birthday party and I ended up not just kissing Doug that night, but Mike and another guy that also worked at Stantec.
HAHA. If I worked at Stantec, they would have labeled me the 'office slut'. I was super drunk that night and had an epiphany the next day about boys and life.
The week after that party, I isolated myself from people and just took time for myself, and that's when I realized I needed to concentrate on myself more and stop paying so much attention to gaining the interest of boys.
So for the rest of the summer, things were pretty good. I don't think I messed around with too many other people. And if I did, I certainly don't remember them.
Until Josh came around. Central Alberta Music Festival. 2 weeks before I was leaving to Edmonton, I had the best weekend of my summer. I got to hang out outside, chat with new people about their lives, eat food out of trucks, and I partied with people in a band! Josh was Rina's boyfriend's bandmate's friend. And I couldn't help but be attracted to him because he just oozed confidence and was super cute.
Friday night, I went and drank with some of Rina's friends, and Josh was hanging out around the fire too.
I saw this happen: Brooke (a girl that Josh went to school with): "OMG! My hands are so cold. Josh, feel them!"
CLASSIC MOVE. Josh held her hand. Haha. And Brooke had a smug little grin on her face.
Anyways, Josh gave me free booze all night, and then I had to pee so I wandered off to the outhouses, then to someone else's fire to socialize with them, since I'd talked to them earlier to get materials to make fire. Guess who was there? Josh. Haha. That was when he started flirting with me. First he put his arm around me, then he tried to hold my hand. And I was said to myself, what the hell, why not? One night. So we walked back to our own little party together, when he 'tripped and fell down' and proceeded to pull me down with him. Hello make out session. And that's how the rest of the night went down. Drinking, kissing, sleeping.
We sort of hung out for the rest of the weekend, but I was busy with my own things, and so was he. But he kept making an effort to come find me and sit and talk to me. Sunday afternoon, the festival was wrapping up, and I was just sitting and watching the last musicians, and he came and sat down and we had a really nice conversation. And then everything ended. He tried to get my phone number by tapping his phone on my leg, etc. but I wasn't going to give it to him unless he asked. He didn't and so we parted ways and I was happy. No drama, got to hang out with a boy for a weekend and then forget about it.
Think again. 5 days later, I went to lunch with some co-workers at the Vietnamese place, and Josh was there coincidentally. I went over to say hi to him, and that's when he got my phone number. We hung out that night and that's when it all started. I really like him and still try to see him when I can. I just don't know if we have enough intellectual conversation to really connect. A lot of our relationship revolves around our physical attraction to one another I think. But for right now, that's enough for me.
Flash forward to late November. Went to scuba on Friday night, then out for drinks with my instructors, then off to Whyte to go to O'byrnes with Shane. We drank by ourselves for a while, then moved to the bar, and that's when Jay started talking to me about Vietnamese food. He was a pretty nice guy and by then, mine and Shane's conversation had come to a standstill, so I just started talking to him. He was super fun, and I love learning about new people. About an hour into our conversation, prof guy came around and I started talking to him as well. The conversation was easy and random and fun. Witty banter here and there, and then I started talking about The League. Somehow talking about that show seems to make me cool in the eyes of men. Shane got kicked out by drinking too much and being drunk, and prof guy, Jay, and I went back to prof guy's house to watch The League. By that point, I was ready to pass out but tried to stay awake, but eventually just went to sleep at prof guy's house. Boy was that cab ride awkward the next morning.
"Okay... I guess I'll talk to you later.." "Uh... Sure..." Things like that.
But I was intrigued enough and apparently so was he, because we started texting a lot about things that were actually thought-provoking, and now I'm still hanging out with him.

What I've learned through all of this? Don't miss out on opportunities with people by getting involved in a serious relationship unless you're sure that your heart doesn't want anyone else. Also, don't let boys restrict the way you dress, act, or feel. Who cares if they don't like your outfit? Who cares if they don't like you? There are a million people out there who would think differently. Be confident, and enjoy being you. I've spent too much of my life being someone else for someone, and now it's time to be me and to find those who appreciate me for who I truly am.
I was texting Josh last night and asked him why he likes me and he said "I love your crazy personality, you always make me laugh, and you accept me as who I am."
Funny thing is I said the exact same thing back to him before when he asked me, but in different words. The thing is, we get each other. We know we're weirdos and it's funny. That's what I need. Someone who just sort of gets me.

Suddenly feeling inspired to talk about the New Year and my resolution.
I have several, but I feel like most of them revolve around this one:
"I resolve to eat clean."
Now clean eating is kind of a complicated thing, since people have a wide range of definitions for it, but for me it means to eat as much natural and unprocessed foods as I can and making sure that I fill my quotas for the food groups as specified by Canada's food guide. I'm not going to restrict myself entirely from fast food or chips or candy, because I know absolutely not eating it will make me more likely to binge on it after a while, but I am for sure going to keep it minimal, which means I refuse to buy it, but if I'm at someone's house, I'm probably not going to say no. It also means limiting desserts when I go out to eat and also portion control at meals.
It's strange that many of the fitness magazines, like Oxygen, talk about eating natural and unprocessed but have protein powders in so many of their meal plans. To me, protein powder isn't natural, especially since protein is abundant in meat eating diets. For me, protein powder might become a part of my diet since I don't eat meat and am not super into eating beans, nuts, and tofu everyday. Haha.
I also want to minimize my intake of alcohol, but it seems as though I'm just peaking in my drinking phase, so I'll leave that in the back of my mind when I go out.
Along with clean eating is exercise. Sure, I can feed myself super healthy foods, but I also want a nice body, and that means staying dedicated to living an active lifestyle. I want to get back into yoga. I want to go to the gym at least a few times a week before work. I also am supposed to be doing a rock climbing class or something with Rachelle and Shane which would be once a week.
Ballroom dancing and martial arts may have to wait.

Create your own Hipster

I can't believe it. Another Christmas come and gone.
Another year has passed, and although I feel like so much has changed, I also feel as though nothing has changed.
Our family get togethers for Christmas are always the same. Wake up to smells of food from the kitchen, get dressed, take pictures, open presents, and then the guests arrive. We eat a big lunch, goof off for a couple of hours and then the guests start filtering out.
Big changes this year: Emily was here and really enjoyed herself and fit right in (especially with speaking Cantonese and playing Mahjong). We played Mahjong. Di yee came earlier this year. And I had to sleep on the couch since I was so generous and gave Emily my bed for Christmas Eve.
Now it's boxing day, and we've continued the Tony Roma's tradition. Haha. Big change this year with me being a vegetarian and everything. I ate a flatbread. Delicious.
I'm a grump since mother nature decided to give me her own kind of Christmas present. At least it was post Christmas Day.
I can't wait for the New Year. I want to make changes this coming year. And I know there's a lot waiting to happen.

'Get me through December, so I can start again'

So this morning, I boiled water, used most of it for soup and tea, and put the rest in the tea thermos at home.
I got back from skating and poured the water into my cup and it looks like tea even though I only put water into it.
Should I be concerned?
I drank it anyways. If you wanted to know.

Ugh. I hate waiting for the bus.
I can't wait to be going home soooon though!! :)
The dang bus isn't even here yet.
So Pat came to the greyhound station just to hang out with me for half an hour at 7 30 in the morning... I don't even understand what is up with that.
He is a creepy stalker who needs to be ignored in the near future so that I don't get annoyed.
In other news, didn't talk to Abdullah at all yesterday and left this morning without saying goodbye. Hahaha. He grosses me out to an extreme amount.
He came to 'apologize face to face' yesterday and I just ignore him knocking at my door. I half expected him to just open the door, and if that were the case, I would have gone absolutely ape shit on him. Good thing he didn't.
Ugh. The fact that I feel uncomfortable in my own apartment sucks. But what can I do. It's like Lister all over again. Plus he moved my shit around in the fridge... Who does that? Stupid stupid stupid.
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Here's a not so funny story.
Last night I got home from going out for dinner with Rachelle and wanted to go to bed.
I lie down and then I try to fall asleep.
Two seconds later. Knock knock knock. My stupid fucking roommate decided he wanted to see if I was awake, so I don't answer because that's what you do when you want someone to leave you the fuck alone! And then he knocks again, and says Sarah? Then a minute later walks away into his room.
5 minutes later, same fucking thing!
If I didn't answer the first time, do you seriously think I would the second time? And he stays longer at the door this time too, saying Are you sleeping?
Finally he leaves, and then I get a fucking BBM from him, "Sleepin?" Ignored. I just want to go to bed you fucking idiot!
As if that weren't enough, he comes back 5 minutes later, and opens my door and sticks his head in.
Obviously, the lights are off, I'm going to bed. Stupid piece of shit. And instead of just leaving, he says, Sarah, are you sleeping?
At this point, I'm ready to beat the absolute shit out of him.
Here's what I said.
FUCK OFF. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
At least I said Please right? HAHA.
My roommate needs to learn to respect boundaries. I might be asking Jenn if I can put a lock on my door. I'm seriously pissed off.

When you knock on the door and I say Ya? It does not mean open the door and walk in. It means you may open the door a bit, ask your question, and leave. Or else you can ask to come in. It does not mean waltz into my fucking room.
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

If you have lunch plans for 12 30, do you really think it's a good idea to eat a big breakfast at 11?
NO. You have zero social skills.
I'm thissss close to not even going to meet you for lunch.
I'm a grump!

I had a fun day of shopping at West Ed, watching the Muppets, and going for Vietnamese food at the mall yesterday with Pat.
I hope I defined the boundaries enough with him.
When he picked me up, he got out of the car just to open the door for me, then paid for the movie and dinner, and walked me to the door when he dropped me off...
Does that mean he wants more, or is he just being a gentleman? Hmmmm.
I've clearly told him that I am already sort of seeing Josh, and that I'm only interested in white guys. Hahaha. I hope that's clear enough for him.
After that, I went to the Druid to watch the hockey game and also to play Bingo Tunes!! It's basically bingo, but instead of drawing numbers, there are songs on our cards that he plays and we have to know the song in order to cross it off our cards!
So much fun!
When we were about to leave, a bunch of guys tried to wheel us, and I wanted them to leave. They were gross and nerdy and annoying and had no good lines or conversation.
Right when we were about to leave, the last guy was like, how old are you all? We have a bet going on for all of you.
And Rachelle and I, of course, had to make this fun and told him that I was 24, she was 29, and the other two girls we were with were 18 and 22.
So then he was like, woah! We were waaaaay off! How does such a diverse age group know each other? And I laughed and said we worked together to which he replied Where?!
I kind of shrugged and looked at Rachelle and she took that as a cue to say... SHOWGIRLS.
To which he did not believe, and Rachelle pretended to be insulted, saying that he didn't think we were attractive enough to work there. HAHAHA.
But then it was really funny because Kelsey, who Rachelle lives with, didn't know we had told him that. So he asks her, Do you work at Showgirls? And she was completely and totally insulted! She took off her mittens and started boxing him. HILARIOUS!
Then we all went home, but I went to Joel's friend's house and played NHL, drank beers, and ate pizza with the boys and then walked home and slept.
What a fun night.

"When a woman whispers her nonsense, whisper right back “I’m sterile” and have the most teared up, angry look in your eyes. 9/10, or more accurately, 93% of the time she will cry and run away, thinking some other guy she spread her slut legs before knocked her up."

-Derek Van Buren, Christwire found here

He's a red headed fire crotch! He's a genetic mistake!

Oh, Entourage, you make me giggle.
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I had the best night last night.
ABSOLUTELY THE BEST NIGHT EVER TO CELEBRATE BEING DONE SCHOOL.
We went to the Christmas Bureau's singalong lunch time caroling.
Then to the hospital to visit Jedd.
He is so emaciated, it's ridiculous. He has lost 30 pounds in probably just over a month.
He has colitis, which is an autoimmune disease that causes inflamed large intestine, so he is in a lot of pain, but his meds are starting to kick in, and he's slowly getting better.
It was really nice to see him, and I think he appreciated the visit.
Next, we (Shane, Wes, Rachelle, and I) went to Boston Pizza for fishbowl Friday. One fishbowl later (3 oz.), I was nice and tipsy and on my way to The Hat for dinner with Emily, Rachelle and Hayley.
It was such a cute little place. Long and narrow, dark with mood lighting, and some energetic music. A good crowd, GREAT company, delicious food (veggie blue cheese burger with fries), and a delicious drink (Green Apple Splash).
After dinner, Rachelle and I came back to my apartment to relax for a bit, and wait for Shane, Wes, and Joel to get to my place.
Rachelle passed out in my chair, and left soon after Joel and them arrived. She was just too tired to party on.
Joel, Shane, Wes, and I had so much fun! We just sat around talking, watching The League, and then waiting for a cab to take us to... DRUMROLL PLEASE!
DIAMONDS!
So much fun. We watched naked ladies, won magnets, posters, and pens, talked to randoms, and just had an overall good time. I loved every minute of it.
We took a cab home, and prof guy came over at 2 30 a.m.-ish. Haha. Like they say, nothing past two is ever good news. But it actually was!
We cuddled in my bed and talked for hours. For some reason I just could not sleep, so by 5 30, prof guy was exhausted and wanted to go home, so he left, and finally I was able to fall asleep for... 2 and a half hours. Now I'm wide awake and ready to go to work.
AWESOME. I love love love love my life.

Last exam!!!!
In 4 hours, I'm going to be done exams, school, class, etc. for 20 months!
That is so exciting to me.
Honestly, I'm at the point where I don't even really care about school anymore.
This exam, I'm probably going to write as fast as I possibly can and then fly outta there.
There is a concert at the Winspear at 12, so I almost want to just say screw it to my exam and leave at 11 30 so that I can get there in time to enjoy the Christmas carols!
Found out Jedd is in the hospital for colonitis, so Shane, Wes, and I are going to visit him there.
Then who knows what the heck I'm going to do.
Drink my face off. Obviously. But other than that, I'm not sure where we're going.
I am so excited to be done!!!!
DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!
I'm going to ace this bitch and celebrate.
YEAAAAAAAAAH BUDDDDYYYYYYYY!

Shit Girls Say - Episode 1

I would like a cute pair of ear muffs for Christmas please. Preferably fuzzy! Hehe.

Ha! I must be the silliest girl of all time.
But... here's the story for today:
Wrote exam.
Got home from exam.
Studied a bit.
Took a 2 and a half hour nap.
Studied some more.
Got a text "I was going to ask you if you want to go for fro yo, but you're probably busy studying."
Um.. Who am I to refuse free fro yo? So I sent back "It's an open book exam, I have time."
Prof guy came and got me at the apartment and we walked to Tutti Frutti and got some delicious frozen yogurt.
We wandered around and chatted and ate our desserts, then he came and watched TV (the Real World) with me for a bit.
After my nap, I was already over the whole yesterday thing, after being distracted by it ALL morning (including in my exam). But when we were watching TV, he apologized for yesterday.
He took all the blame, and said it really shouldn't have happened.
(HA! I WIN!)
I had to get back to studying, so he left soon after.
And then I skyped Josh. Haha. Juggling guys? That's totally my thing right?
Hmmmm...

Check out Man Repeller.
HILARIOUS.

FACK!!! Exam did not go as planned.
Had 2 minutes left and then realized I screwed up a whole question. Not good!
Then I tried to fix it and ran out of time, erased the wrong thing, and then had to rewrite a bit when time was up, and now I'm scared my exam won't get marked because it is officially against the rules to keep writing after he says Time's up... Uh oh.
I guess we'll see how the marking goes. I hope I did okay and that he doesn't give me a 0...
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Here's the thing about prof guy.
Sometimes we hang out and it is wonderfully fun and awesome.
Other times we hang out and all I want to do is knock his teeth out.
Those awesome times make it worth it.
And those horrible times make me want to stop this whole thing.
I'm done with drama in relationships.
I'm done with fighting about stupid things.
I'm done with crying about a boy.
The reason that we sometimes butt heads is that we're both super stubborn and I'm accustomed to always being right (which I am) haha.
He puts up a really good fight though and I'm pretty sure he's actually more bent on being right than I am, and usually when I'm just sick of fighting, he's ready for round two.
I'm used to pushovers and non-whiny people that I can manipulate and have the upper hand with, and he's not one of those people.
I don't need him to be one, but I need him to fight less. I think it might be a bit of the age thing, that he feels like he knows more just because he is older. It's getting to me, and I'm not sure if I want to deal with it anymore.
Like yesterday, he came over for like 20 minutes. I invited him to my apartment just to see him quickly because I won't get to see him again until probably Sunday (if I decide to see him on Sunday which is looking not so good right now). He came over and just acted awkward and distant the whole time, like he didn't really want to be here, and that he wasn't really pleased that he HAD to be here. So I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go for a walk so I decided to make him go for a walk with me, and all he did was complain. Although he only made like 2 comments about it being cold or that he was freezing his butt off, his body language was 100% "ugh, I'm so annoyed". So we were by Wes' house and I left my booze there so I decided to pick it up since we were close by, and then I called her and grabbed it, but apparently, I 'put my hand up' and 'shunned' him so he didn't know what to do. From then on, he was like super annoyed by me, so our walk was like 2 minutes (I exaggerate, it was more like 5). And then we were walking back up the stairs in my apartment, and he was like, well I think I'm gonna go. And I was like fine, whatever, because at that point I was just done. Done with the idea of even seeing him. Since when is a 34 year old man so sensitive and whiny? They're supposed to have learned to deal by now. And then he was like annoyed because I just kind of walked up the stairs without saying goodbye or anything due to my frustration, so I told him exactly why I was frustrated and he just stood there with nothing to say. So we just said, no drama, we'll just get past it.
So... then he texted me, and said that he 'felt uncomfortable and was nervous about coming over', so I asked why, and he said he'd explain over the phone.
So he called me, and proceeded to say that basically it was my fault for 'shunning' him when I went to get my booze. Why did he feel uncomfortable? Guess what? He didn't have a reason.. he just... did. SO FRUSTRATING! So we basically argued about how it was his fault for being so distant and unwilling to participate in a walk with me, while he complained that it was my fault for shunning him, and I get where he's coming from, but when you're already acting like a dickwad, I'm not going to pay attention to you. And he did not, absolutely did not accept the fact that part of it was his fault for being so annoyed and awkward the whole time. By the end of the phone conversation, we'd moved on though, and he seems to think I really like him. I mean, I like him, but I can't say I really like him, not after yesterday.
He also said that things are progressing really fast. LIKE WTF. We've hung out a few times and had fun. I don't think that's out of the ordinary...
Oh well. I'll just mostly ignore him for like, the next week or so, and then after that, I'll see if I even care that he isn't part of my life. If yes, then I'll make an effort to see him. If no, I'm just going to end it.

And then finally, let me just say that I absolutely like Josh A LOT. I know it's silly because I've barely hung out with him, and I haven't seen him in over a month, but I talk to him on skype every once in a while and he is just silly and cute and fun, and I feel really relaxed when I talk to him, because I know he isn't judging me, and he isn't taking anything too seriously. And I'm so excited to see him. I can't wait to see him.
That's the thing, prof guy takes shit wayyyy to seriously, and it's not like he says anything about it, but I can feel it. Like you know when someone has a really negative aura, and it just rubs off on you, that's exactly how it feels every time he gets annoyed or whatever it is. And I am influenced by these moods so much. I always have been. It's frustrating to be so serious all the time. I just want to have fun, and he overreacts at way to much. Maybe I do too, but I get over it pretty quickly, but he dwells. He says he doesn't, but he definitely does.

December 23rd. I get to go home and have a break from this Edmonton life. Well I feel like my break starts on Friday when I finish exams. But I get to see Josh on the 23rd, Bretton and Layla hopefully on the 24th, and of course I'm super excited to see the family on the 23rd!

Side note, I screwed myself over on this exam today. I had all day yesterday to study, but procrastinated until about 9:30 last night to study, and I don't feel prepared at all. It's not going to be the greatest exam, let me just say that.

Hitler plans for his exams

"Hi I'm An Engineer" by CREATE Film Festival

Today is only Tuesday, but I'm already dreaming of Friday.
I finish exams on Friday, and surprisingly, although I really want to drink my face off, I'm actually going to a Christmas caroling sing-along at the Winspear to watch some of my choir mates sing along with a lot of people from several different choirs from around the city.
Nothing is going to warm my heart like the beautiful melodies of Christmas sang by gifted musicians with harmonies so dissonant that they give me the shivers.
I want to be moved to tears from pure happiness at the event.
I love Christmas. I love the way it makes people busy busy yet happy.
I got so many hugs last night at the choir Christmas party after rehearsal.
I love it. People get cheerful and remember to cherish their family at this time of year.

Since I'm so excited for the weekend, here's the plan:
Friday- exam, concert, drink drink drink, dinner with the girls, On the Rocks?, DIAMONDS!
Saturday- work, volunteer, recover from craziness, hang out with Rachelle and roomies
Sunday- work, nap, CHRISTMAS MOVIES, cuddle with Prof guy on bed while listening to Christmas music under the Christmas lights and candles

:D

ASIANS: CANADA’S MEXICANS

I've been listening to Christmas music all day and it has been so wonderful.
This song is one of my favorites. Kokopelli sang it on Saturday night, and then I was reminded of it when it played on the radio today. It is absolutely gorgeous.
It reminds me of the hard times when I feel all alone from being locked inside due to the cold and have no one beside me.

We lie sideways

under the sheltering sheet.

I have wedged myself

against the back of you,

my arm wrapped around your side,

my hand

on your chest.

Your hand covers mine.

We talk in touches now.

We listen to each other's fingertips.

-david meuel

NAILED IT!!
First exam went really well.
Only 4 more. Tomorrow's and Wednesday's I need to study a lot for.
The last two are open book and I am less than concerned for them.

Favorite part of today? The fact that I got to get in a good workout, and that I walked home from school with a shit-eating grin on my face.
I'm sure a lot of people got laughs from me waltzing down the sidewalk like Tobey Maguire in Spiderman when the song is playing "Raindrops are falling on my head..."
AWESOME.
Not only does doing this make me happy, I'm sure I'm putting smiles on a lot of other people's faces as well. That's what makes it all worth it.

Today was a pretty darn good day.
Stayed over at prof guy's home last night after the concert and feast of Wok Box food.
Got a nutritiously mooched breakfast at his home.
Two slices of toast, grapes, and pineapple :)
AND a glass of milk!
I got home around 12 30 and then took a shower and studied until 3 30-ish.
Then I took a nap and rested until about 5 30. Then studied until about 10.
Then I took a break to watch Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures on my Video on Demand.
It has one of the Ashmore twins!
Time to quickly skim through some powerpoints, then off to bed and exam tomorrow!
I feel very prepared for this exam, so I hope it goes well. :S

Such a good night.
Kokopelli, wok box, TV.
:)
I feel so relaxed today. No desire to study even though I know I really should. Haha.

I just got out of the Kokopelli Christmas concert! It was so amazing!
I love the sound of many voices filling up a giant church.
The atmosphere of people who love music going to appreciate music.
The energy that stems from the choir.
And the return of energy from the crowd.
It's the feeling of a concert. A real, true concert.

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Hahahaha.
I am studying for my concrete exam right now, and read 'can be manipulated and molded' and my first thought was 'Just like boys!'

I'm a terrible person, I know.
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Clarity...
I lack it.
I need it.
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WANT A TATTOOOOOOO.

I think it's times like these where I debate whether or not to continue the way I've been living my life.
I felt so carefree. So happy.
Now everything is starting to not seem so happy. Things are starting to break down in my head and are slowly making me more and more tired and weary of this life that I've been living.
Why is it that I go to school for engineering when I can't see myself in a career as one. And why do I continue to play around with several guys when in reality, I don't know if I want any of them.
Tonight I talked about my relationship with Zach to prof guy and it made me want to bawl my eyes out. I'd never really gone in depth as to why it didn't work out, and finally talking about it made me extremely sad.
I've become dependent on other people. To feel self-worth, when in reality, self-worth should come from myself. Although I am happy to spend time alone and I continually love myself, I can't help but to feel unloved until someone else takes interest in me.
Why is it that I have such a hard time being independent, when I know that's what I really need the most?
My life is a mess. I'm happy in it... Well mostly, but for some reason, I feel a hole. Something is missing and I need to fill that void.
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Within the last 24 hours, I have consumed:
Half a bottle of wine
7 vodka cranberry crests
1 baileys and coffee
1 peppermint mocha kahlua and hot chocolate
Within the next 5 hours, I plan to consume at least 2 pints of beer.

Yum yum yummmmmmm.
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"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconscio usly I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. — At least, in the eyes of our son—- I'm a loving husband…. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." <3
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It's said it takes seven years
to grow completely new skin cells.
To think, this year I will grow
into a body you never will
have touched.

Brett Elizabeth Jenkins, December 21st, 2002
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Funny how the mind tricks memories into what you want to see.
The drawing did not contain a man wearing a checkered shirt, but rather a pin striped one.
Visit Dominique Blackwell's site.
Her drawings are gorgeous.
http://dominiqueblackwell.carbonmade.com/projects/3053855#10

I was watching this confession video on youtube.
And it made me so sad.
Why is it that kids want to kill themselves at such a young age.
When I was younger, I remember being bullied by one of my classmates over msn.
I remember feeling miserable about it. And it's so sad that people have this hatred in them, a part of them that wants to hurt someone else.
I was working out the other day, and there was this beautiful girl.
But the one thing I noticed about her was that she was almost too skinny to be that naturally skinny.
She works out every morning. And I thought, this seems like the type of girl to have an eating disorder/insecurity. So I was discretely (at least I hope) watching her, and noticed that all along her arms were scars. Cut after cut after cut.
And it made me just so sad to see that people don't appreciate their own beauty.
Why is there so much sadness in the world? So much hate?

Oh my gosh! The art show was so much fun!
I went to the Fine Art of Schmoozy with Prof guy last night at Latitude 53 downtown.
He picked me up around 9 and we drove down to the venue.
When we got inside, I was a little bit disappointed. There wasn't any magnificent decor, or any cool party vibe, but instead, it seemed a little bit awkward. There were 3 sort of separate rooms, all with art all over the walls, free gelato, and the walls were white with dimmer lighting except on the paintings.
We checked our coats, were astonished by free champagne (which I did not have any of), and proceeded to grab a program and look at the artwork.
Before I even started to look at the art, I realized I was amongst an extremely diverse group of people.
It was really cool to see artsy fartsy kids there, super hipster kids, older aged well-versed and established men, 'normal' people, and students. It was amazing to see such a strange group of people all brought together to enjoy some fine art, hors d'ouevres, music, and the company of others. I was perfectly dressed. There were lots of people in full dresses, people in jeans, people in big plaid shirts, etc. So I fit right in! Prof guy wore chucks, dark jeans, a checkered black and white shirt, a black tie, and a sweater over top.
After about 15 minutes there, I started to settle in and feel comfortable.
The art was eccentric to say the least. Some was absolutely beautiful in a very straightforward way, while some was mesmerizing, and some was just plain weird. I particularly enjoyed 3 of them. One was a sort of abstract type of painting, by Liz Ingram. I couldn't stop looking at it.














The second was a painting of an empty living room, save an empty love seat and recliner. It drew a lot of sadness from me.
Last was a drawing of a man sitting. He was wearing a checkered shirt and jeans, and the part of him that you could see was mid-upper body to knees. It was just really pretty to look at.
Prof guy really enjoyed 2 of the pieces, and bid on them. One was a large black on black painting of a man's face, and the other was this... piece of weirdo-ness...

















Which he ended up bringing home for 150 bucks at the end of the night.
Why the night was so fun?? I met some of prof guy's old friends. Got to drink wine and look at art and feel like a girl from a movie going on a sophisticated date in New York. Had awesome conversation with Prof guy, and got to assist him in outbidding the other girl who also wanted this print.
After the show, we went to Red Star and grabbed a few drinks, talked about family and just generally got to know each other better!
He is a really cool guy. Down to earth, smart, funny, and what got me the most was that he had the opportunity to work for huge advertising companies, but turned it down to work at Grant Mac so that he could have more of a life outside of work even though he would have a significantly lower salary. It was nice to know that a 'successful' guy still chose living life to enjoy life over money.
He told me he was intrigued by me, since I seem to have my shit figured out at the young age of 21. He told me he wished he had gotten to the point in life that I am at when he was younger. He basically said I'm beyond my age in maturity and he was amazed by me and my take on life. The fact that I appreciate all that I've been given, and that I take time to do so much more in life than go to school unlike so many other people my age.

And I am officially changing my mind for outfits.
Disregard the previous one.
Cream shirt, blue jeans, and grey heels it is!

I love how I am making disgusting faces in each of these. I am pretty much going to wear the black skirt and black boots, but I have purple tights which I'm wearing in the first picture, transparent black ones like in the rest, or opaque ones which I don't have in any picture. Now I don't know which top to wear! Let me know which one looks the best to you :)

We begin alone, and we die alone.

So does that mean everything we do is meaningless since in the end, we still die alone?

Greg Laswell - And Then You

I've just started reading a book called 'How the Rich are Destroying the Earth' by Hervé Kempf, and I haven't gotten past the forward and I already have to quote something:

People aspire to lift themselves up the social ladder, which happens through imitation of the superior class's consumption habits. Thus, the oligarchy diffuses its ideology of waste throughout the whole society.

These sentences ring true to a lot of situations that I have had the chance of observing. Something I hear almost every time I hear a group of people talking, is the phrase "I wish I were rich". Wealth is a common desire, as proven through experience, having money makes life a lot easier. But why rich? Why is it that people are so absorbed in becoming rich, that they can no longer be content in just being moderately wealthy while living life with since they can easily their basic needs and more?
Ask your basic student or middle class citizen. What would you do if you were rich? I bet you a good majority would say something to the extent of: donating a portion to charity, sharing with a few friends or family, and then the rest would be spent on material goods. Things like cars, big houses, hot tubs, luxury vacation to a tropical place, and the list goes on.
And then now ask a rich person why they need that ridiculously large mansion, or that Lambourgini. I bet you the answer doesn't begin with the idea that those objects are practical.
Too often on television, we see families of maybe 4 or 5 people living in these homes that include an outdoor pool, an entertainment room (maybe a private movie theatre), pool tables, and more. But how often do we see these families even using these facilities. More often than not, they act like decorations, and I would say a good portion of families in reality actually treat these the same way.
So why is it, then, that we put so much emphasis on these material goods? It all stems from the display of wealth being socially acceptable and also sought after. I don't mean to over generalize, but I will, when I say that people want to be rich so they can show off their wealth and not so that they can make practical use of their money.
Example: Zach's dad buys Zach a car. I convince Zach to buy the fuel efficient engine because of the environmental situation. Zach drives car home and whines to me that he is disappointed in the vehicle. That is a 30 thousand dollar vehicle that he is receiving as a gift, and he is disappointed in it. Take a moment to grasp that. Now, the reason why he is upset? The vehicle does not feel 'powerful' enough.
Yet another thing that people with wealth desire. To feel powerful.

I don't understand.

Reorganized my room today to suit some feng shui things that I looked up.
Mostly I just wanted to change it up for the last month of the year.
It is so pretty and feels so open now!
I love it :)

I've come to be extremely thankful for my co-op program.
Today I was working on a design lab for one of my classes, and everything seemed to click so easily with it.
It was design of sanitary sewers, and so I had experience in doing that at Al-terra for my first co-op terms.
Watching others struggle to do what came so easily to me really made me appreciate the awesome work experience I've had.
Sometimes it just takes time to appreciate past experiences.

Magnetic Island!!!!

Last day of November.
I cannot believe how fast time has passed. At the beginning of the month, I was exhausted and ready for the month to pass, and now that it has, I wonder where all my time has gone.
Let's reflect on what happened this month:
Water polo
Long weekend at home
Immortals!
Scuba! :) :) :)
First volunteer shifts at Ten Thousand Villages
Managed to do above average on ALL my midterms
Last weekend's drunken mess
First ever visit to On the Rocks
Realized that I was completely broke
Solidified employment at Golder

Wow. This month doesn't have that many exciting memories! How sad.
I hope that December will be wonderful!

Winter Wonderland: Jason Mraz

Water polo champs!!



















I make a good goalie!!! They only scored 3 goals with me in net, and I blocked a whole bunch of shots, including two in a row! Yay me :)
I had a bad day. Grumpy all day, but listening to Christmas music made me feel better.
David Archuleta, I love you.
Good night all. I hope you have a fantastic sleep and a great day tomorrow!

Hahahaha.
'You don't seem impressed with me so I'll text you later' - Josh
Nooooo. You don't think it would take 10 one word answers in a row to get my point across.
Although he is currently unemployed because his boss is in the hospital with cancer, I still hate it when people don't look for a job right away. If I had no income and was also not going to school, I would be bored and annoyed at my useless life.
Honestly, a guy without a job is so unattractive to me, especially after the whole Zach situation. Not having a job is a total sign of not being motivated in anything and being utterly and completely lazy.
I mean, here I am, I earned my scholarships in first year. I worked hard to get into engineering co-op so that I could pay for my own tuition and living, food, and recreational expenses. And then there are the people who don't work and mooch everything off their parents. I mean, when you're a student, you have a legit excuse. But when you don't go to school, being unemployed is not a reasonable way to live.
I work, volunteer, go to school, play intramurals, and go to choir while maintaining a social life. Don't you dare say you don't have time to work AND do other things.
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I think I've done this already... But:

If you look really close, there's a rip in the sky and you CAN see the Universe.
Stop and look at the sun. Tell me what have you done today, that left you dreaming?

I realize that the only thing stopping me from getting a tattoo is the thought that I won't be able to donate blood for half a year afterwards.
So... The question is, save 9 people's lives, or get a tattoo that doesn't really do much except remind me to take a breath, step back, and remember the beauty of life.
What do you think? I'd either get the word clarity in handwriting in white ink on my left pointer finger or I'm thinking I might get the infinite love symbol (as on the bottom of my blog layout) somewhere maybe on my left wrist.
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Sometimes Twitter makes me laugh.
This is an old one but if I were a guy and looked like Snape from Harry Potter: 'Mind if I Slytherin?'
HAHA
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Next time I wear a sleeveless shirt to class, I should probably remember to shave my armpits in the morning.
HAHAHAHA.
Today seems like it is going to be a slow and uneventful day.
I finally woke up early enough to go to class, only because I had to hand in homework that was due at 8 a.m.
So I am going to go to class for 4 and a half hours, then I have a half hour break in which I will eat a delicious sub from Subway, and then a seminar for an hour.
Afterwards, I'm gonna head to Ten Thousand Villages where I left my water bottle (hopefully it's still there), and then go home and do homework.
FINALLY! Exciting part! I get to play in the finals for water polo at 8!
I'm so excited!!! I hope we win and get free t-shirts!!! I would love one.
Then I'm going to sleep. I've found it really difficult to fall asleep lately, and I think it's been the lack of activity. I'm planning on going to the gym tomorrow morning before class. Hopefully that will help me go to sleep a little bit easier.
Have a good day ladies!

Beautiful promise ring. I love it! Faraz got it for his girlfriend for their one year anniversary and he showed me a picture.
What a darling little ring.

AI YA!!!!!!
A sound that Asians make to express empath, despair, pain, and surprise all at the same time.

HILARIOUS

Today was one of those days where everyone just makes me pissy.
Everything that everyone did just made me angry.
Josh got jealous seeming when I said I was stressed out about the Shane situation.
He said "Do you like him?" and I just sent WTF.
His reply, 'Sometimes when I like someone and don't know what to say I get stressed out".
OMG. How many times have I emphasized to him that Shane is just my friend. I will never ever ever like him like that. And I hate that he can get jealous over something stupid like that.
I remember when I told him I had a new roommate that was a guy, one of his first questions was "Oh. So have you slept with him yet?" and I said "Oh definitely. So many times." Obviously sarcastic. Funny thing is that Josh didn't actually believe the sarcasm, asking "No seriously. Have you?"
How is it possible to think I am that much of a whore or whatever and not trust me a single bit.
Seriously, he told me last week that he went out dancing with some of his buddies, and he danced with some girl the whole night because she had big tits. And then he motorboated her. I know, real mature right? But I didn't get jealous about that. It doesn't mean anything, plus I think it's hilarious (I'm also really immature).
Ugh. Trust is an integral part of any relationshit, and if that isn't part of it from the start, it probably won't develop. I have given him no reason not to trust me, so I don't know what his problem is.
But that just means he gets ignored all week and I am going to be a major biotch all week to him!
Hurray!

I've realized that choir is like my wall socket.
I'm like my laptop.
I am constantly being used and running while my power drains and drains.
Doing several things at once and keeping things open makes me drain faster, while closing the lid puts me to sleep which drains me slower.
But in the end, without my charger, I die.
Choir is my charger. It recharges me for the entire week.
Every Monday, I feel rejuvenated when I come home from choir.
And I love it.
I love the 2 hours I spend socializing with the oldies.
I love how I am becoming more interested in the behind the scenes work, especially now that I am on the promotions and advertising committee.
I love it.
I have passion for choir. I do I do I do.

Just renamed my blog and took off the security. Hopefully no one finds my blog, but if they do, at least they'll know who I truly am?
I have been absolutely exhausted this weekend.
I don't know whether it was the drinking or if it is my body just being tired.
It's been a while since I worked out, meaning Friday, but I just lack motivation to go to the gym right now. I'm overwhelmed with homework and I want to sleep.
I only have 6 more days of classes, and then a 4 day weekend followed by 5 exams in a row from the 12th to the 16th.
I CANNOT. I repeat CANNOT wait to be done exams.
This semester hasn't been all that bad, but it has been emotionally and physically draining for me, and I could not be more excited to start work and meet some new people.
I think this weekend was a good start to meeting new people.
I realize how amazing it is to learn about random people that I meet at the bar, no matter how drunk I am or how drunk they are. It's fun, and I'm young and that's what I want to do.
Australia is going to be absolutely amazing.

So I took Shane off my reading list... Or so I hope.
This is a long rant about him.
I have told my story about Friday already.
And it really bothers me that he can't get over it.
I hate that his self esteem is so low that he doesn't realize that if he really wanted to, he could meet girls or guys and date them.
And I hate how he makes me feel guilty if I don't hang out with him.
And he constantly disses Josh to me or whoever I talk about being attracted to.
Like seriously, get over it. You don't need to be jealous. Just be a friend and hold back your real opinions when they are based off nothing but your jealousy. UGH.
If I'm happy, he should be happy for me.
That's why I feel like he isn't really my friend.
I am almost to the point where I only hang out with him because I feel guilty if I don't and he is just a loner with nothing to do.
So I hang out with him so that he will at least have one friend.

Rachelle is also to that point, and we're starting to have our doubts about having invited him to Australia with us. If we go to Australia, and he still gets jealous about me hanging out with other guys and talking to randoms, then it's going to make my trip unenjoyable.
Also, Shane tried coke over the summer, and now he always brags about it and talks about doing drugs as if it is cool.
He brags about it to EVERYONE. And that's what Rachelle really hates. He talks about it to everyone, even people that he barely knows.
We were out having drinks with our scuba instructors on Friday night, and Thane, our old man instructor was saying keep the drugs until you're old so people can't tell if you're just suffering from dementia or actually high. Like doing coke, blah blah blah, and Shane was like, It's fun to do coke when you're young too! Ugh. Who does that. You should not be proud of the fact that you've done coke. It is not something to be proud of. AT ALL.

Another thing that bothers me is that he thinks it is okay to be depressing all the time. The reason he says he hates himself is so that other people will comfort him and compliment. Fishing for compliments is not something you should do on a regular basis. NEVER EVER. Maybe on a real down day where you feel bad about everything and need someone to lift your spirits, but he brings up his unattractiveness up ALL THE TIME. Just so I have to deal with it. There's only so many times I can say, No Shane, you're not ugly, before I start just ignoring it and don't offer a compliment in return. But being the nice person I am, I try to still compliment him because if I don't, it suddenly gets worse, because then he goes (inside his head) OMG, she didn't try to make me feel better, I must actually be ugly. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Blegh. I'm glad I'm going to work in January. We won't see each other as much and that will be really nice. The only times we will hang out will be when I want to hang out, which is perfect! JANUARYYYYYY.

Guess who knows this guy?! Me :)

When Tonya texts me and tells me she doesn't know how to do her 374 homework, is she really expecting me to care?
On Friday, she tried to convince me to do our 331 design lab, and I said, Dude, it's Friday.
She responded by saying "You're Asian. What else are you going to do on a Friday night?"
She pisses me off in so many ways.
Oh my goodness.

GREY CUP 2011!
I was going to do all my homework tonight but considering my brain is only about 1/4 on, I'm going to do it tomorrow night and hope that I have time to finish it.
So instead, I'm going to watch the grey cup :)
Went to Royal Bison Craft Fair with Rachelle and then grabbed coffee right afterwards.

Here is a wishlist for things I would love if I had money to spend and my own home.



















2 person rocking chair.
















Cute guy and a vacation to the mountains.















Wood spiral staircase.

Drunken night number 2 was not a success.
Left the drinking party by 10:30 p.m.
Haha.
Maybe I will be able to do something productive today?
Probably not, considering I just woke up about a half hour ago. OOPS.

Drinking night #2 will begin in a few minutes.
It's going to be a fun one...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE old people.
I was walking across Whyte Ave at a crosswalk, and a guy in a truck almost ran me over along with 2 old men walking across the street as well.
So I said, "WE ALMOST GOT RUN OVER :O!!"
And the old man was like, YA!
So I was like, How are you guys doing?
And they said, good, how are you?
I said, GOOD! Are you two heading out to dinner?
And the one man said, "We sure are!"
So I said, have a good night! since by then we were done walking across the street.
And the one man said, "I hope we see you again. I NEED A GIRLFRIEND!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

This hangover is horrendous. Please please please make it go away.
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We are the champions my friendsssssssssssssss!!!!!
Water polo team was victorious last night! That means we play in the finals on Tuesday.
What really tops it off is that I found out our team is called Dumbledore's Army. Haha. We are the nerdiest of the water polo teams. But I love it.
I also scored my first goal last night.
They made me play goalie for the second half, and there was this crazy good girl on the other team that made me shake from fear when she was close to my net with the ball, but we had a one on one showdown, and I stuffed the ball. IN HER FACE. Hahahaha. It was awesome.
Went in the sauna after the game. Uuhhhh. SoOooo nice. Walked home with Autumn.
Took a shower, skyped Josh, and watched Shameless while drinking tea and snacking.
Yesterday was a fantastic day. So amazingly good and I don't really even know why. Nothing THAT special happened, but I was feeling good allll day.
I hope the weekend is just as awesome :)
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WHY does this make me laugh so much?

Today was quite possibly the perfect day.
I slept in by accident so I couldn't feel guilty about not going to class.
And I only went to my tutorial. Then I got to cook.
I didn't realize how much cooking takes my mind off things.
I think it's going to be awesome when I start working in January.
No need to think about things when I get home from work, soooo I can just cook new recipes all the time :)

LOVE

HERE IS MY VEGGIE MEATLOAF!
I ate it with Rachelle who brought Shake and Bake and we made breaded zucchini to go with the meatloaf! I also made a veggie gravy from scratch to throw on top of the meatloaf. SO GOOD!

Emily Fung is coming to my home for Christmas day!
She has no family here to spend it with, so I thought, Gosh it would be so lonely to be here all by your lonesome on a holiday, and I invited her over!
So now she will get to enjoy our delicious feast and meet the family :)
Good thing she speaks cantonese!

Making vegetarian meatloaf and gravy!!!
YUM YUM YUM.
Gravy is done and meatloaf is in the oven. I'm soooo excited.

I completely have faith in the idea that someone is going to come and completely sweep me off my feet one day.

Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Goddammittttttt.
So I sent Josh a text saying "I can't do this anymore".
And he sent "Do what anymore?"
And then he called me.
And there began a phone conversation that made me go from SO DONE to OH MY GOSH WHAT A SWEETIE.
Phone conversation was a 100% turnaround from texting conversation. He was so easy to talk to and admitted that he is horrible about texting. I told him I didn't like the fact that he doesn't ever ask me about how my day was and how he doesn't ask me about my life. And basically told him all the reasons why I didn't feel like this relationshit was going anywhere.
And he gave me an out. An easy out. Saying all I have to say is I'm done, and we're done. But I couldn't do it.
There's this feeling inside of me that feels like this is different somehow. I mean, as much as I say I don't like him, I do. And I know it's really stupid, but for some reason, I feel like there's something special between us. There's a reason we randomly ran into each other at a restaurant I NEVER go to the day after the music festival.
And there's something that just feels right when we talk or hang out. It just feels normal. Like two puzzle pieces that fit together.
I think the whole thing about this before today was that I was scared to let my heart get the best of me like it did before.
But I'm smarter now. I've confronted him about what I find wrong about how we interact if we're 'together' and that's not something I would have done two years ago.
I don't care if I'm demanding too much. I deserve to be a treated like a princess. Haha. I sure say that a lot.
I know what you're thinking. The usual "Oh Sarah..." but I'm going to give this a week or two and see how it goes. We agreed to do skype conversations. So I'm going to play it by ear.
I'm not getting my hopes up, but the fact that he is willing to try so hard to make this thing work really tugs on my heart strings. I want this to work, but I need to keep things realistic and realize that although he is telling me what I want to hear, things aren't going to keep going if he doesn't follow through.

Life is a fragile thing.
In order to truly capture the moments of it, we must take care of ourselves.
We must understand the gifts that we were given.
We must understand the moments that are presented to us.
And we must ensure that we take care of the people, objects, that surround us.

I was watching a show called DISconnected on MTV tonight.
A show about a bunch of high school kids who keep in touch with each other over live video cam.
A boy killed himself while everyone watched.
Not a single person decided to rush to his home, or call the cops, or comfort him into not doing it.
They sat on the sidelines as an innocent depressed boy killed himself.
What has society come to that this is an acceptable way to deal with a troubled child?
And why did they think it was funny?

It's times like these that I'm reminded of how lucky I am.
I am not depressed. I know I have a support group of friends and family that will help me get through hard times.
And it's moments like these that remind me of how short life can be.
How with a snap of my fingers, the end of my life could be here.
And how I need to take advantage of what I have.
But then at the same time, what is life really about?
Is it about doing as much as we can, accomplishing as much as we can in such a short time?
What were we put on Earth to do? Or is there even a purpose of us being here?
I choose to believe that we are here to explore the world and to appreciate its beauty.
So starting right now, I'm going to give myself opportunities.
I'm going to hang out with some friends that I haven't made an effort to see in a while.
I'm going to try to make new friends.
And I'm going to embrace all that I can in life.

Dream Guy Quality List:
Smart
Funny
Quirky
Wears Glasses(with thick frames) but looks good without them
Enjoys working out
Muscular
Enjoys dressing up nicely
Likes to go for walks
Spontaneous
Musical
Calm
Outgoing enough but also independent
Cares about my feelings and listens to me when I talk about my day and my problems
Confident in himself and trusting of me
Believes in me
Motivated to excel at his work
Compassionate about the well being of others
Dedicated to his passions
Willing to do what it takes to reach his goals

Watched Immortals today.
It was pretty good in my opinion, but Shane and Joel had real issues with it.
Ie. They totally over thought the whole movie.
Like "why did they live on the edge of a cliff?" And "why did they search for the oracle if they weren't even going to use her?"
Silly boys. Movies are meant to be enjoyed and with a large grain of salt.

Also today, had lunch with Abhishek. It was fun, but we didn't have that much to talk about.
Also went for drinks at Filthy McNasty's with Joel and Shane. It was nice.

Too much of life is wasted on thinking about what we COULD be doing.
Why isn't it that we just do it?

Watching MTV's I Used to Be Fat
While eating pie.... hmmmmm....

I slept in until noon today, and I don't think I've done that in years now.
It felt so good to just lie in bed. No worries, nothing to do, and not much missed from me sleeping in.
I want a personal trainer.
I want to do zumba!
I also want to cook a lot of different things, but I am too broke to afford it.

I am going to Immortals tomorrow night! I'm so excited! The movie doesn't look like it has that great of a plot, but the special effects are going to be killer!

The sauna at the gym is rarely used by people it seems, maybe because it's hidden away from everything else! It is a secret that only cool people get to know about.

I think my goal for when I start working in January is to be friends with as many people from work as I can be. I don't really know how many people my age I'll get to hang out with while at work, but if anybody is cool, I am totally going to make some friends!
I saw a few people I knew at the gym today, but the thing with me these days is that I've felt really antisocial. I didn't want to say hi to any of them.
But there's a guy in my classes that was there, and I can't remember his name at all. But he is quiet and shy seeming and I've never really talked to him but his friend always talks to me. I want to ask him out for coffee because for some reason, I feel some sort of connection with him? Haha. That sounds like some stupid TV show type of thing. But I think it might be because I feel that he is similar to me in that he is quiet in class, hangs out by himself, and has a few good friends that he sticks by. I think he would be a lot more mature than some other guys I've met and that he would be open-minded in a quiet way.
Experiment: Go talk to him, get to know him, and see if my judgment of him based on observation is correct.

Just gotta work up the nerves to do it :)

I really like broccoli and green beans.
I also enjoy tofu.
And smoothies.
I worked out after my tutorial today and climbed on Jacobs ladder. Such a cool machine!
Then I rowed and pumped some iron.
After discovering the sauna in the change rooms at Van Vliet, I have been obsessed with it!
So I went to the sauna after my workout!
Then I walked to Safeway, picked up some groceries, walked home, an made myself a smoothie and some veggies and tofu!
DELICIOUS.

Now I'm going to watch 90210 and then do homework until I'm done my assignments, then sleep!!!!

I want to make the meatloaf!

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/11/17/hearty-holiday-main-courses-for-vegans/?src=tp

Dear world,

Could I please have an identical twin with an amazing rich family to switch places with?
I'm sure she would love to be student and snuggle with Quatchi?

Imagine you wake up one morning and there's a beautiful chandelier above your head.
The sheets are 700 thread count Egyptian cotton.
You get out of bed wearing your real silk pajamas.
Open the door to your closet and walk into a giant room full of designer clothes, bags, shoes, jewelry.
You get dressed, and walk downstairs to breakfast already made by your professional cook.
You see the pure hardwood floor, the spiral staircase, the dark granite counter tops and the 72 inch plasma.
The pool looks clear blue in the sunlight as you see it through the walls made of glass.
And then there's a note on the table.
"Hi love, I had to work early. Here's some cash for the day." Attached is 200 dollars.
You go to school and see your friends.
First questions they ask "Did you see your dad today? He's been working a lot lately hasn't he?"
Truth is, you haven't seen your mom or dad for weeks now.
They've been working non-stop.
They haven't called, you haven't had a real family meal in months, and they haven't even met your boyfriend that you've been seeing for weeks.
All you have is your car, your clothes, your money, your friends. Family has never been a part of your life.
Is it possible to be truly happy in this scenario?

Need:
Cute puppy to play and snuggle with.

Desire:
hot guy to make out with

PLEASEEEEEE

Biggest pet peeve:

When you ask someone how they were, or how their weekend was, etc. (that type of question) and they answer you with something like "Good, it was a fun weekend" but they don't ask you the question back. CONVERSATION KILLER. Haha.

Friends OFF.

Why is it that men and women continue to hurt themselves in relationships?
I mean, say a girl's boyfriend cheats on her, and takes him back.
Is it really okay to trust him again when he says, oh! I won't do it again. I'm sorry. Blah blah blah.
Isn't that the same as when a child steals and gets caught by his/her parent and makes sure that next time, he is more careful about it?
I just read about Jesse James cheating on Kat von D.
Is it really true that cheaters will always be cheaters?
Or is it possible that people can control their animalistic behaviors and be monogamist?
I honestly don't know what to think. I've been there. I've cheated on my boyfriend. More than once.
And I'd like to think that I can be faithful to my significant other next time I have a committed relationship, but I also have come to accept the fact that I will always have crushes on other guys when I have a boyfriend.
It's just what comes naturally to me. I look at cute boys all the time, no matter what, and I flirt with them, no matter what. It's part of who I am. So is it part of life to learn to control these instincts and stay committed even if it takes all the will power I have? I don't even know.
Life is a one time deal. Carpe diem they say, so does seizing the day mean having that one night stand even though you have a significant other, or does it mean staying committed to let the first relationship flourish?
Is it really possible to go through life without cheating on your partner? I mean, what people classify as cheating goes from kissing, emotional cheating, sexing someone else, or even just texting someone else. It seems silly to me to think that everyone is able to love only that one person forever.
Is that the reason that 50% or more of marriages end in divorce now? It has become socially acceptable to divorce your spouse, when back in the day, divorce rate was minimal and divorce was taboo. Now that it's more socially acceptable, people aren't sticking through horrible marriages just so that they stay married? Or is it actually that people are getting married before they're ready or before they have a chance to find the 'love of their life'.
I've become one of those people who say that marriage is just a piece of paper. I feel like every relationship comes to an end. People change and interests change, and I think it's part of life to move on and explore something different.
As much as I want to believe that I'll die together with my future husband, I don't really think that's going to happen.
I've become a cynic, but what that really means to me is that I've come to accept reality.
Optimism still surrounds my thoughts, but lurking behind is the idea that not all positive things are reality. You can't go from an abusive relationship to a picture perfect couple. It just isn't going to happen, but the optimism is knowing that once that relationship ends, maybe both ends can heal, separately.
Relationships are crazy things. People give up so much of themselves to be in them sometimes, and devote their hearts to people who will never change if they never get caught. Why is it that girls think their boyfriends will suddenly stop partying so much and stay in and watch chick flicks with them. Or boyfriends who think their girlfriend will suddenly stop flirting with her guy friends? It's a game of torture that I see couples go through all the time.
Why is it that we torture ourselves when there are billions of other desirable mates out there? Is it that we believe the best in others? Or is it the comfort of being in that despair? To know that on Saturday night when he was supposed to come over for dinner and a movie, he skipped out, never texted you, and ended up getting drunk and 'sleeping over' at a girl's house? Or to know that she was just 'hanging out' at her friend's house and didn't have time to text you... ALL NIGHT.
It's that gut feeling that's there. People know when they're being cheated on. Sometimes friends tell that girl/guy that they're being cheated on, yet they choose not to believe it, when deep down, they know it's true. Why do we do that to ourselves?
It seems silly, but maybe it's just the cynic in me.
I want to believe in relationships and monogamy and happiness from those, but I can't. It just isn't a person to be faithful. We cheat for the thrill, we cheat for the fun, we cheat so that we can experience something new. After all, isn't that what life's about?